Running from the Law

Monday, June 25, 2012

Baby Mac - 1 Month

Dear Mac,

I can't believe you're already a month old. Sometimes I'm amazed that it's already been four weeks since you arrived and other times I'm amazed that it's only been four weeks. You're such a wonderful addition to our little family. These four weeks have been the most challenging and incredible weeks of my life. Despite all the reading and research I did before you got here, nothing prepared me for being a new mom and the emotions that come along with it. I've never loved anything so much and I'm constantly shocked at how intense that love can be - it's buried deep within my soul and grows exponentially stronger by the minute. It's such a consuming love that it overwhelms me sometimes and I find myself in tears wondering how I'll ever be able to keep you safe your whole life. I definitely see how mothers can pick up cars for their children...I think I could move a semi-truck for you if I needed to.

I know I'm totally biased, but you are the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. You have deep bright wise eyes that I can get lost in. Right now they're still a dark grey and we have no idea whether they'll turn blue (like mine) or brown (like your dad's). You have the softest lips and the cutest little nose, which I used to think was mine, but now looks like your dad's. You have giant hands that we call mitts (all the better to play baseball with), long skinny legs and huge feet with monkey toes (all the better to swing from trees with). Your dad thinks you'll be a great swimmer with those paddles on your feet! Your umbilical cord fell off after about three weeks and now you have the most adorable little belly button. You have a little birthmark on your butt that we love. Everything about you is perfection.

You're already such a wonderful little person. Your personality is just starting to show and you are funny and happy. You make the best little squeaking noises and squeals when you're happy and the funniest faces and grunts when you're not. You have a great O-face when you're trying to poop that cracks me up. You love tummy time and you love hanging out on your changing table. You just kick away and talk to me. You get the hiccups daily and you hate them. You sneeze all the time and I pray that you're not allergic to cats or dogs - surely not, as you're constantly covered in dog hair, like everything else in our house. You're a good sleeper, as long as you're sleeping on me or your dad, which most of the time is fine with us. We can't get enough of you and I have the hardest time putting you down (you're in my arms right now). I spend hours just holding you, cuddling you and staring at you. You and I pass our days in a warm spot on the couch, just being close to each other. I have a crazy desire to memorize every inch of you and I never want to forget every second of our time together. I can't seem to get anything done because I'm too busy just absorbing you. You get about six thousand kisses a day, which is never enough.

Your only issue right now is your insatiable hunger. You're just like your daddy in that you want to eat a lot and you eat FAST. When you're hungry, you can't get food into your belly fast enough and you end up gagging and choking and sucking in a lot of air in your attempt to eat as quickly as humanly possible. Sometimes you forget to breathe when you're eating and then panic to get air, which leads to a freak-out by both you and us. We joke that you already have a drinking problem. We remedy the situation by trying to feed you while you're still mostly asleep, which works much better. And despite the issue, you're getting plenty to eat and are already up to almost 11 pounds! You're finally getting some chubby cheeks and a few little rolls on your thighs. The other day I swore you had a double chin...I absolutely love it!

Of course, this first month of your life was filled with so many "firsts" that it's been hard to keep up with them all. Your first car ride, your first bath, your first walk around the neighborhood, your first trip to the farm. You're going to have so many "firsts" over the next few years and I'm so excited and honored to get to experience them with you. Each one has made me proud and yet also a little sad that you're already growing up so quickly. I'm trying to document everything and my camera is quickly filling up with thousands of pictures that I probably won't have a chance to go through until you're in college. I don't know how other mamas manage to take (and process) so many photos of their kiddos and write full daily blog posts to go with them. I'm lucky if I can get one post done every couple weeks! I typed this one with one finger on the iPad while holding you, and it's already a week overdue. Hopefully I'll get better.

You are more than I could have ever imagined. little man. I spent so many days and nights praying for you and dreaming of you, it's just the most wonderful thing ever that you're finally here in my arms, sqirming and squeaking. I'm so proud to be your mama. Thank you for being my baby.

Love,

Mama

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Happy Father's Day

I think one of the most amazing parts about having a child has been watching my husband turn into a father. I always knew he'd be a great father, but I was really blown away by just how wonderful he is with the baby and how helpful he's been with both of us. Mac and I would not have made it through this past month without him. He's attentive to all the baby's needs; patient with him when he cries and with me when I'm a hormonal wreck; energetic enough to clean the house, do the laundry and make dinner for us every night; humorous with his silly songs and funny faces; and more loving than any man I know. He's seriously been Super Dad. He seemed to have an instant bond with Mac and I'm already jealous of their future father-son relationship and all the hunting/fishing/golfing/baseball/swimming that they'll do in the years to come. He's such an amazing father already and it's only been a month. I swear, marrying that man is the best decision I ever made...I hope my son turns out to be EXACTLY like his daddy.

From the looks of things, I don't have much to worry about in that department.

Happy first Father's Day, Ryan.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

The Big Cry

This is a tough post for me to write. Like most people, I hate admitting that I'm not good at something or I'm not as strong as I thought I was. But sometimes you're given a hand that you just can't handle and you lose it. This happened to me last week in a major way. After I got home from the hospital with the little guy, my friend Brooke warned me about "The Big Cry." You know, the uncontrollable meltdown that all new moms will have within the first few weeks of being home with a new baby. She warned it would happen soon, that it's normal and that it's ok to just let it all out. I'd been so emotional and hormonal and crying off and on for days, so I figured maybe I'd just get my "Big Cry" out in little episodes. Yeah, not so much.

Last Tuesday the baby was fussy. Incredibly fussy all morning long. By noon, the fussiness had turned into full blown scream-crying. I'd try to feed him and he'd scream. I tried to burp him and he'd throw himself all over the place. I'd try to swing him and he'd spit up everywhere. I'd swaddle him and he'd panic and scream louder. Nothing worked. Not singing, not shusshing, not swaddling, not eating, not sucking, not tummy time, not bouncing, not inside, not outside, not swinging, not music, not burping...nothing. NOTHING. My diagnosis is that he had an upset tummy (based on all two weeks of mommy experience I had), but I had no idea what I could do about it. He was rooting and acting like he was starving, but every time I fed him, he'd take a little and then start screaming again. He couldn't catch his breath, he was so worked up he could barely eat, he would take a couple giant sips of milk, swallow and scream bloody-murder. He was eating, but I felt like feeding him was causing him physical pain. He would cry and I would cry. The worse he got, the more upset I got. Around 3:00, after hours of this, we both absolutely lost it. Cue my "Big Cry."

Reinforcements were called - my husband rushed home from work to help me out and I cried and cried until he got home. Mac was crying and I was singing, snuggling, bouncing and telling him over and over again how much I loved him and how much I just wanted to make him better. Of course a baby can't understand any of that, but he did eventually calm down and fall asleep in my arms just a few minutes before Ryan pulled into the driveway. I felt like such a failure. Such a wimp for calling my husband. Such a crybaby for not being able to pull it together. Such a loser for letting my emotions/hormones get the best of me. Such a bad mom for not being able to calm down my poor baby.

Here we are now, a week later and I have a little more perspective on the situation. He's had plenty of meltdowns after that one and sometimes the crying (his, not mine) has been even worse, but I've handled them much better since that day. I don't know if it was the lack of sleep or raging hormones or just the initial panic of being all alone with a screaming baby and not knowing what to do, but it got the best of me. Knock on wood, but I haven't had another meltdown in nearly two weeks. Maybe that means I'm getting more used to the crying; maybe it means I'm getting better at reading his cues and knowing what he needs; or maybe it just means that I'm due for my next meltdown very soon.

Anyone else out there have the Big Cry?

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Mac's Newborn Photos

You all know how obsessed I am with photography, so it's no surprise that I called in the "big guns" for Mac's newborn photos. In my humble opinion, Jodie and Kim at Fresh Art Photography take the absolute best newborn photos in St. Louis. They are true baby whisperers and know how to get the cutest poses from little guys. With 10 kids between them, it's no surprise that they know what they're doing. So, the day after we got out of the hospital, at 5 days old, Mac had his session. And a few days later, we got a sneak peek. Amazing!

Love love love.

I'm still blown away at how beautiful they are.

Check out Mac's bog post here and let Jodie and Kim know what an amazing job they did!

Monday, June 4, 2012

Baby Mac - The First Two Weeks

I can't believe I've been a mommy now for two whole weeks. Two weeks ago, I left for the hospital with a giant belly and got to leave with a tiny beautiful baby...it still blows my mind. They have definitely been the most amazing, most emotional, most stressful, most exhausting, most wonderful weeks of my entire life. I've tried to soak up every second of mommyhood so far, but I know with the lack of sleep, overwhelming emotions and raging hormones I probably won't remember as much as I want to. So this is my attempt to document Mac's first few weeks of life. It's more for me than anything, but I'll throw in some cute baby pictures to keep you entertained.

We were in the hospital from Sunday morning until Thursday afternoon. The staff at the hospital was great. There was only one nurse that we didn't really care for, and one nurse that we fell madly in love with. The first few days were incredibly emotional (and very hormonal). I think I cried at least a dozen times. Mostly because I was so happy, but also because I was terrified. It's such a surreal feeling to be handed a child and expected to know what to do with him. It's such a huge responsibility and can feel so overwhelming, but then you look into those little eyes and your heart melts and you know that you will do whatever it takes to give this child absolutely everything he needs or wants.

Those first few days are already a bit of a blur to me. I know that Ryan and I just sat and held Mac, staring at him in complete amazement. A little bit of me and a little bit of Ryan; our love wrapped up and incorporated into a tiny new person. We were humbled. We were in awe. And Mac was beautiful. I couldn't believe how gorgeous this kid was. His skin was perfect, he had great color, his eyes were bright and clear. He had my nose and Ryan's mouth. My eyes and Ryan's crooked toes. We made him. We get to keep him. He's ours. Unreal.

We left the hospital and brought Mac home on Thursday. It was a crazy chaotic experience. As prepared as we thought we were at home, we weren't even close. Since I had a c-section, I couldn't take the stairs, except to go up at night for bed. This meant that we'd have to have a baby station upstairs as well as downstairs. Ryan and I scrambled for hours getting the house ready and set-up and comfortable for our new lifestyle. By the time we went to bed that evening we were absolutely exhausted. And in true newborn fashion, Mac didn't make it any easier on us. It was a hell of a night and we didn't get much sleep at all. Mac had meltdown after meltdown, all night long. The crying nearly brought us both to tears. We were horrified - what happened to our sweet peaceful baby? What were we doing wrong? How do we fix it? What does he want? We still have so much to learn.

The next day, our angel baby was back. We had his newborn pictures done and he slept like a log through the entire session. He was perfect. He slept all day, obviously exhausted by our all-night scream party the evening before. But this also let Ryan and I get some rest too. By the end of the day, we were ready for our little "night terror" to appear again. This time we had a plan. We devised schedules. We were ready. But, Mac was a perfect baby all night long. He went right back to sleep after feedings, he slept until we woke him for food, he barely cried at all. Go figure. Every day is a new experience, every day is different, every day is an adventure. And I can't wait for the next day, to see what it will bring.

At our first pediatrician appointment, Mac was up in weight from when we left the hospital. The doctor told us we were doing a great job. That stamp of approval was the best feeling in the world. We'd managed to keep him alive for an entire week...now we just had to keep it up for 18 or so more years. Easy as cake, right? And just when it felt like we were getting the hang of things, Ryan had to go back to work and left me and Mac home alone. I have to admit that I was terrified of needing help with the baby and not having Ryan around, but we made it. I still can't seem to get anything accomplished during the day, which blow my mind. When Ryan gets home I still haven't showered or eaten or cleaned up or anything, but the kid is well-fed and that's all that matters. Seriously, where does the time go? Surely I'll get better at this, right? (please say yes)

After three days, it was so nice having Ryan back home for the weekend. We spent most of Saturday in a complete sleepless stupor, wanting desperately to nap, but unable to get the baby to sleep. He was up for hours - gassy and fussy and just plain uncomfortable. It is the hardest thing ever to feel so helpless and not be able to make it better for your baby. I had no idea that as his mom, I would physically hurt and feel pain when my child cried. When he hurts, I do too. It's an amazing connection. But then to make up for it, he slept like a log all night long. We woke up Sunday rested and ready to take on the world again. Down one day, up the next - the new story of our lives. After spending all day Saturday cooped up, we were determined to get out of the house and get some fresh air. We packed up the baby bag, the stroller, the dogs and everything else we might possibly need for an outing (which only took about 3 hours to accomplish), and headed to the park to go for a walk. However, Mac wasn't having it. Within 10 minutes he was screaming bloody murder and I was in tears. We couldn't figure out whether he was hot or hungry or what. We panicked and packed everyone back up and headed back home. Turns out he was just hungry...only 45 minutes after his last feeding, he was starving again. Once he ate, he was out like a light. So much to learn.

These first two weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster, but I wouldn't change them for the world. Despite the pain and the exhaustion, these two weeks have been the best weeks of my life. I still can't believe this tiny little human is mine. I spend hours just looking at him in complete amazement. He has giant hands and the biggest feet I've ever seen on a baby. He's super long and loves to stretch his legs out and spread out his monkey toes. He's almost too long for his newborn outfits. He makes the funniest faces when he's trying to poop. He squawks when he eats and makes little baby love noises in his sleep. He sneezes all the time. He loves to be held, so I hardly ever put him down. When he's awake he studies my face with intense concentration like he's trying to memorize it. He gets the hiccups every evening. He has fuzzy blonde hair on his shoulders and ears. He loves to dance to with his daddy. The tip of his nose is slightly cooler than the rest of his face. He sticks his tongue out at my when I give him kisses. I think his eyes are tuning brown. I swear he laughed for the first time last night. He smells like heaven. He looks just like his dad.

Two weeks ago, I became a mom and my life will never be the same.

It's much better than I ever imagined.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Mac's Nursery Reveal

I've been waiting FOREVER to be able to share this post with you. Now that he's here, it's finally time to show you Mac's nursery! This is by far my very favorite room in the house. It has been a labor of love and I'm thrilled to be able to show you the final product.

First, let's start with my inspiration. I wanted a room that was bright, colorful, energetic and fun. No pastels or soothing colors here. I wanted something that would be able to grow with him as he got older and keep his attention. I started out with the colors green and orange. I thought a green wall would be fun, with bright orange accent pieces. I later added teal to the equation to brighten it up a bit more and make it more "boy." I already had a zebra striped black and white rug in the room, which I wanted to incorporate, and a few cube storage units from Target. I wanted a dark wood crib and dresser with neutral furniture that could be used in a completely different way later on.

I started gathering up my ideas on Pinterest and created this Pinboard for the nursery so I could see the colors in action. Finally, it was time to implement the ideas. I recruited my dad to build some bookcases for the corner of the room. I wanted them to be flush against the wall to display all the books, like this. That way the books themselves would be wall decoration. I started stalking Etsy for fun prints to hang over the crib. And I made a couple trips to the fabric store to make a few projects of my own (a mobile and a pennant name banner).

I also went to Benjamin Moore and picked out six different shades of green for the wall color. We had the hardest time deciding which color to go with. Do I pick a pure green or a teal-green? Bright green or woodsy green? Do I pick based on the name or based on the picture? Do I try to match the color in a photo I like or go with something else? It was such a hard choice!

I went back and forth between 2 colors for weeks. On the day Ryan was going to paint the nursery, I still hadn't made up my mind. We were lying in bed and I told him to just go to the store and pick the one he liked and surprise me. Needless to say, he wasn't real keen on that idea, probably not wanting to deal with the wrath of a pregnant wife when he brought home the wrong color. And then, as if on cue, our puppy Sage came bounding into bed with a paint sample from the nursery in her mouth. It was liked she'd made the decision for us and handed us her choice. So that's the one we went with! Sage to the rescue! She picked a beautiful color called Four Leaf Clover. And all of a sudden, it was perfect for our little Irish guy.

Ryan had the super fun job of painting the room.

He despises painting, but didn't protest once.

A true testament to how excited he is for this baby.

The color was bright and powerful (exactly what I wanted), so we decided to only paint above the chair rail in the room. We figured we'd start there and see how we liked it.

This is the corner where the bookcase will be.

Once that was done, we moved the zebra rug back in and began assembling the furniture.

The crib and dresser/hutch/changing table were all from JC Penney. We asked our parents for JC Penney gift certificates for Christmas and used them for the purchase of these items. I was really pleased with how fast they shipped (within a few weeks, not months) and loved that they felt very sturdy and reliable. We ordered the furniture in "Chocolate Mist" color, which turned out to be a perfect dark wood with just a hint of cherry (but not red).

Ryan also had the job of assembling everything. He said the crib was a piece of cake.

Which, of course, made me want cake, so I went to the store and got cake while he did all the work.

Unfortunately I forgot to take a bunch of "before" photos, so all you have are the "after" pictures, but trust me, it's a dramatic change! Are you ready?

Here's what you see when you enter the room from the hallway.

And entering the room.

Let's start the tour with the left side of the nursery.

As you walk in the room, immediately to your left is the crib and a storage unit.

The storage unit by the crib holds a ton of toys in baskets, with a little radio/CD player, lamp and baby monitor on top. I purchased this from Target a few years ago. It's not the sturdiest, but it serves its purpose and gets the job done.

The wall clock is a One King's Lane find.

I went with mix-matched bedding from Carousel Designs. This is the solid turquoise crib skirt with an orange gingham sheet. I also have a solid lime sheet and a lime houndstooth sheet as our spare sets, just to mix things up.

We've got a couple cute stuffed animals and a pillow in the crib (which will be removed when the baby's in there! I know, don't yell at me, they're only for looks right now). We've also got a sleep sheep on the outside of the crib to play soothing sounds and a Rockabye froggie rocker next to the crib, when he's old enough to want to rock.

My friend Alice's daughter Milly tested out the Fergie the Frog Rocker and I'm not sure if he was a hit or just plain terrifying to her - she alternated between squeals of laughs and looks of pure panic and horror. So Mac will either love it or it'll give him nightmares. Guess we'll just have to see how that pans out.

The prints on the wall are all from Etsy (see below for vendor info) and I put them in plain white frames.

Right: Crying is for Babies (Oher Babies)

Center: Snips & Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

Left: Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys

I made the mobile from the leftover fabric scraps from the pennant name banner I made and hung them from ribbon on a sewing loop. I spray painted wooden beads orange for the top. This was a really easy project that I think adds a lot of texture, color and whimsy to the room. Tutorial coming soon.

The back wall of the nursery is a large window which let in a lot of great light. Like the windows in our bedroom, they have white wooden plantation shades, which I love. I went with a neutral curtain from West Elm on the window, in order to make the name banner pop. I thought about doing a funky orange patterned curtain, but decided that was probably overkill.

We also added a plain white ceiling fan to the room. I hate ceiling fans, but supposedly they can help reduce the risk of SIDS, so that's all the convincing I needed to have one installed. The room previously did not have a light source on the ceiling, so this does add some much needed light to the room, although I also feel like the made the room feel smaller (more boxed in). But maybe that's just me.

I made the pennant name banner out of various fabrics and felt letters from a local fabric store (Fabric Nosherie in Webster Groves) and some ball fringe from Hobby Lobby. I just love the way it turned out. If there's interest, I might do a tutorial blog post on how I made the banner, although it's pretty self-explanatory. I love how much color it adds to the room.

Moving over the right side of the room, I also bought this glider and ottoman from JC Penney. I have a feeling I'm going to be spending a lot of late nights in this glider, so I wanted something really comfy and it definitely is. Everyone that walks into the room automatically sits in the chair and starts rocking.

I was disappointed in the glider when it first arrived because it's a little bit lighter in color than I wanted it to be (more beige than khaki), but it's really grown on me. Now I like that it lightens up the room with a neutral color. Plus, it'll be very easy to incorporate into another space in our house when we're finished with it here.

The chair was not originally supposed to go here. It was supposed to be in front of the bookcase, but when the bookcase was put in, it was too awesome to cover up. So the chair was moved to this side of the room, which means we had to take off the door to the closet to be able to get into it.

Again, I wasn't thrilled with this solution at first, but now I really like it. I love being able to see all Mac's adorable tiny clothing and those itty bitty shoes! I considered painting the inside of the closet a fun color, but I like it plain, where the clothing stands out. I set up a small orange side table and a reading lamp next to the chair, so I can read while I rock.

Mac's closet is packed full of the cutest baby clothes on Earth. Whoever said shopping for a little boy isn't as much fun as shopping for a girl does not know where to shop. Baby boy clothes are SO cute.

I also bought one of those hanging shoes racks to put in the closet to give a little more room for things. Right now we don't really have many shoes, so it's being used more of a display for toys and blankets, shoes and hats.

The prints behind the chair are also from Etsy. There's an A to Z animal print and an alphabet print.

Moving on the right side of the room, we've got another cheap-o storage unit from Target and some baskets to house blankets, toys and other crap.

Above the cube is a cardboard mounted deer head from Urban Outfitters. I don't know why I had to have this in the baby's room, but I absolutely LOVE it! It cracks me up! I think it's the perfect blend of masculine and whimsy. Not too morbid for a nursery, but definitely "butches" the place up a bit. However, my hunter husband is personally offended by it and thinks I should replace it with a real deer head that he killed, but I don't think so. This deer is sticking around for a while.

Sitting on top of the cube is an Etsy print that says "Don't Bite Your Friends," some Jellycat stuffed animals and a colorful abacus I found at Home Goods for $3.

I think the deer might just be my favorite part of the room.

Moving on to the back wall of the room, we've got the bookshelf my dad built in the corner.

I take it back, the bookcase is my absolute favorite thing in the room. I love this SO much! I loved reading as a kid and I really want Mac to love reading just as much.

I thought by displaying his books, he'd grow up with a sense of pride in them.

Hopefully one day he'll be proud to have read every book on the shelf, like I did when I was little.

They're stocked full of some of my personal favorite children's books and lots of our friend's and family member's favorite books that we've received as gifts.

I think this adds so much color, pizzazz and fun to the room.

You definitely wouldn't get the same effect if you only saw the spines of the books.

I love the bookcase!

Thank you dad!

I did manage to take 1 before and after picture for you. What a difference, huh?!

I just love it. It really adds a lot to the room.

Now I just hope it doesn't turn into a ladder for the kid to climb up and launch himself off of!

Luckily my dad thought of that too and gave me some extra dowels just in case.

I also added a couple removable 3M hooks to the side of the bookcase, so I had a place to hang his Cardinals hats. Ryan insisted they be out and displayed. We're pretty proud of our Redbirds around these parts.

Moving on the back (and final) wall of the room, we've got the dresser/hutch. I love this piece because I know it'll grow with him. It may only display toys and diaper cream now, but soon he'll be able to put his trophies on display and pictures of his girlfriend. Oh, he's already growing up so fast in my mind! It's also got lights inside the hutch to use when you don't want to turn on the big overhead light. Love that.

There's currently a changing pad on the dresser, but I'm not sure that we'll be using that very much. I think that might get moved to another room, where we'll have a little more room to change diapers.

Above the dresser are three guitar prints that say "Rock," "And," "Roll." I figured this kid would probably grow up loving music as much as his dad does, so he's going to need a little rock and roll in his life. You might also notice the adorable animal covered diaper cake up there from my baby shower. That's not a permanent fixture, but it is SO cute I'm having a really hard time taking it apart. It just matches the room so well, I want to keep it!