Sleep Battle Royale

There is a serious battle going on in my house right now over SLEEP.  Wonderful, refreshing, elusive sleep.  I love sleep.  Ryan loves sleep.  Mally, Sage and Jigs love sleep.  Mac HATES sleep.  See the problem?

I'm not saying that we are at the mercy of the baby all the time, but WE ARE AT THE MERCY OF THE BABY ALL THE TIME!  And when he doesn't want to sleep, none of us sleep.  Well, the cat sleeps, but that's it.

This all started about a month ago, I think.  But let's back-up so you get the whole picture.  When Mac was around 6 months old (November), we did a modified form of sleep training, where we put him to bed, gave him a dream feed bottle around 11:00 p.m. (maybe change his diaper) and then if he woke up again, we'd let him cry it out until he went back to sleep, and usually he'd sleep until around 7:30 a.m.  We let him cry it out a couple times (not more than half an hour) for about four nights in a row before he figured it out, but did well after that.  And this worked for quite a while.  Not perfectly, but pretty well.  

Then sometime around late January/early February we tried eliminating the dream feed bottle and we had a few nights where he slept through the night.   All night - 12 straight hours - no bottle.  Sometimes he'd wake up briefly but then go back to sleep pretty easily. It was wonderful.

Then, towards the end of February we all got sick again (and again and again).  We've battled two rounds of the stomach flu, strep throat and ear infections.  Needless to say, this royally effed up everything.  Night-time wake-ups were frequent and involved some combination of bottles, puking, diarrhea, outfit/diaper/bedding changes, snot sucking, Tylenol dosing or all of the above.  This threw everything off.  He was sick, so letting him cry it out wasn't an option.  We were responsive to every cry.  We held him and let him sleep in our arms.  We rocked him to sleep.  We sang, we bounced, we coddled.  We thought we were being good, loving, caring parents.  Apparently not...we created a monster.

We're now over the stomach flu and back to feeling better, but the wake-ups continue.  We've tried going back to the original 11:00 dream feed schedule, but that doesn't work.  Either he wakes completely up at 11 and wants to hang out for hours or he still wakes up two or three times a night and we get even less sleep than before because we've stayed up until 11 to do the dream feed.

The last two nights he's gone to bed easily at his normal bedtime, then woken up once (where we give him a bottle because he's been sick and we thought he was hungry and needed the calories), and then had one more wake-up an hour or so later, where he screams bloody murder until someone picks him up and he falls back asleep in our arms.  And then last night he went to bed easily at 7:30 p.m., then woke up at 9:30 p.m. and was up on and off until 3:30 a.m.  THAT'S SIX FUCKING HOURS!  Not cool.  He'd fall asleep in our arms then wake up as soon as we put him in the crib.  Repeatedly.  We even let him cry it out for a while, which just made him more awake and more pissed off.  Fail.  Can I just say right now that he's VERY lucky he's so cute.

So, dear readers, friends, family...I'm here begging for your advice.  What in the hell is going on with this child and how do I fix it?  Is this normal for a 10.5 month old?  Is it a growth spurt?  Is it teething?  Is he still sick?  Is is just sleep regression?  Or separation anxiety?  Have I completely ruined my kid already?  

Here are a few more details (because I know you'll want to know):

- Our bedtime routine bath, bottle, bed - at the same time every night.  Yes, he falls asleep in my arms when I'm feeding him and I put him in his crib asleep with white noise.  I've read the books - I know that's not ideal, I know I should put him down awake, I KNOW!  But here's the thing, I love rocking him to sleep.  It's the highlight of my day. I miss him so much all day long and I cherish that half hour when I get to hold his little warm body next to me, snuggle him, smell him, kiss his head, sing to him.  I love rocking him to sleep.  I love bedtime.  I don't want to give that up.  Is that selfish?  Does that make me a horrible parent?  (please say no)

- Crying it out does not work any more.  This kid is persistent.  He will stand in his crib, stare at the door and scream bloody murder at the top of his lungs for hours.  Or scream so hard he throws up.  I am not kidding.  Crying it out is torture for all of us.  We can't handle it.  (I can't handle it, I'm such a softie.)  He seems to have no self-soothing ability any more.  What happened to it?  Iis there any other way to get him to develop this now without doing cry it out?  

- We already do white noise all night long. He does not take (and has never been interested in) a pacifier.  He does not care for stuffed animals or lovelies.  He takes one 2 hour afternoon nap every day.  

- I don't think he's waking up because he's hungry.  He eats well during the day: has three solid meals, snacks and a couple bottles.  We've been giving him a bottle at night mainly because it calms him down and helps him get back to sleep so we can get back to sleep.  He doesn't finish it and probably doesn't need it.    I'm fine cutting out this bottle or keeping it.  I just don't know.

- In the last couple weeks he's been particularly clingy and whiny in the evenings.  He acts fine and plays all day, but when I get home from work, he doesn't want to play or do anything other than be held/carried by me.  I thought this was because he wasn't feeling well, but it's continued.  He just wants to be held, which I don't want to deny him after being at work all day, but I wonder if he's not sleeping at night because he's not wearing himself out in the evenings like he used to.  He cries if I put him down for just a minute, so I usually just hold him and talk to him and we walk around the house and spend time together.  Sometimes we go for walks (with him in the stroller) or to the grocery store (with him in the cart), which are both visually stimulating and keeps him entertained, but definitely doesn't wear him out.  I'm not sure what's going on with this behavior. 

So...advice?  Suggestions?  ANYTHING?  I'm not asking for a miracle...I don't expect him to sleep 12 straight hours every single night.  One wake up would be fine.  How do we even get back to that?  I love this kid to death and will wake up and rock him for hours upon hours every night until he goes to college, but I know that's not the answer.  I know I'm probably not doing him any favors by soothing him at night (with rocking or a bottle), but what else can I do?  Why does loving and spoiling my kid make me feel like I'm a horrible parent?  Ugh.  I just want to make him happy.  And make him sleep.  And get some damn sleep myself.  

P.S.  You don't even have to leave advice...feel free to just leave a comment commiserating saying, "Dude, that sucks, I feel your pain.  My kid doesn't sleep either."  Because really, as parents, don't we all just want to know that we're not alone in this and our kids will eventually turn out ok despite our screw-ups?


P.S.2  Please don't be hateful and leave rude "Anonymous" comments.  That doesn't help and they will be deleted.  Don't be a hater...ain't nobody got time for that.

Highlights from our Easter Weekend

1. That asshole Easter bunny brought Mac the stomach flu
2. We did 183 loads of laundry this weekend because of said stomach flu
3. The dogs acted like complete hooligans because they were cooped up all weekend (Sage ate a board book and half of Old MacDonald’s farm animals, while Mally set a world record for most obnoxious and continuous barking)
4. The cat hates us all and escaped three times on Saturday
5. The dogs wouldn't smile (or even open their eyes) for Easter photos without cheese, which we didn’t have
6. The only thing that would make Mac happy was singing “The Wheels on the Bus” over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over
7. Grocery stores were closed yesterday so we couldn't buy vodka
8. Florida lost, so my bracket is screwed (which means I’m on diaper changing duty for the next two weeks)
9. I’m pretty sure I've got baby poop on me somewhere today because I can smell it
10. Hope you had a better Easter than we did (we’re having rabbit stew for dinner tonight)

Lunch Break

Sometimes you just have to take a quick little break from work to venture out of the office to meet your sleepy baby (wearing yellow fuzzy ducky pajamas) at the mall for a quick carousel ride on a Bengal tiger.  

Not sure I could have gotten through my day without this little break.  

Baby Mac - Months 9 and 10

 
Dear Baby Mac,

I'm going to start this post off with the obligatory "HOW IS MY BABY POSSIBLY TEN MONTHS OLD?!" exclamation and move right into the "MY BABY IS AMAZING!!" statement.  Because that's just it...you are AMAZING!  Every month brings new tricks and new talents.  You get bigger and stronger, smarter and funnier.  And every month I am again amazed...not only at how incredible you are, but at how my little heart can possibly be big enough to hold all the love I feel for you.  I am so honored that I get to spend my days with you...that I get to teach you and love you...that I get to be your mama.  I don't know what I ever did to deserve such a wonderful child, but I promise I will do everything in my power to protect you, to encourage you, to make sure you are happy and healthy and safe.

I guess the biggest change over the last couple months has been your language comprehension.  You understand words now!  It's amazing to be able to talk to you and watch you understand what I say.  When we say hi or good-bye, you know to wave.  When we say YAY, you know to clap.  When I say turn off the lights, you flip the switch off.  When we're in the tub and I say kick or splash, you go at it!  You pick up on things so quickly these days - it's just incredible.  You're still only saying "Dada" as far as words go, but I think you're really close to saying "cat."  Any time I attempt to get you to say "mama," you just  say "DADA" as loud as you can and laugh.  Yeah, I know, that's funny.  Poor mama gets no love.

You are also a mover!  Nothing stops you these days.  Your favorite toy is your push walker and you walk EVERYWHERE!  Your daddy calls it "mowing the lawn" because you look like a little drunk man, pushing a mower!  We took you and the walker outside last week and you walked down the entire street!  You could go as fast as you wanted and there wasn't anything to run into - you loved it!  You also cruise from object to object in the house.  I haven't seen you take a step on your own yet, but you're so close.  Right now you still like having the comfort of holding onto something.  My prediction is that you're walking by the middle of April and running by May.  I'm still in shock.

You're getting much better about your car seat (finally).  I think you've figured out that getting in the car seat means we're leaving and going somewhere fun.  And everywhere is fun for you these days.  You get bored cooped up in the house for very long, so you need to be out and about.  You love going to the grocery store and riding in the cart.  You love Kindermusik class and your Little Gym class.  You love playdates and going to the Zoo on warm days.  You love going to your grandparents for the day and going on walks in the park with them.  Everything is an adventure!  You are happiest when you're outside - your whole face lights up and you squeal with delight.  I can't wait until the weather is warmer so we can hang out in the front yard and play.

You are still such a great eater.  You've really started consuming foods this month, as opposed to just tasting them.  You're definitely a meat and potatoes kind of kid.  You love steak, rotisserie chicken, burgers, salmon and fish nuggets.  And just like your dad, you love mashed potatoes and pasta.  You're still a big yogurt fan and can put away an entire container of Greek yogurt like it's your business.  This month you discovered black beans and eggs, both of which you can't get enough of, but they give you horrible gas!  And you went on a big blueberry kick this past month.  We had multiple days of blue poop!

I know everyone says that their baby has the best personality, but I swear your's is top notch!  You are such a happy and funny kid.  You love laughing at the dogs and at daddy.  And if you don't find something as funny as we do, you fake laugh, which cracks us up.  You've got the biggest smile and your four front teeth couldn't be any cuter.  You're getting a little bit more independent, but you still demand attention most of the time.  You love to be held and now you point to what you want and expect us to take you there.  You're very demanding for such a little thing!  You are so curious and want to explore everything.  You have super "grabby hands" and latch onto anything within reaching distance.  Nothing is safe!  You pull things off the counters/table, you swipe all the magnets off the fridge, you grab a hold of doors/walls/shades/curtains when we walk by and you have to touch everything we pass.  God forbid we walk by a plant without letting you touch all the leaves.  You most certainly are spoiled beyond belief.

And much to my absolute pleasure, you are a bit of a mama's boy right now.  I love that.  There's no place you'd rather be right now than in my arms and I cherish every single second of it.  Sometimes I'd love to be able to put you down, but I know you'll be running around and doing your own thing soon enough, so I try to get in as many snuggles and hugs as I can.  You are just so lovey right now.  You give the most amazing slobbery kisses and when you put your head down in the crook of my neck, it takes my breath away.  I couldn't even begin to count how many times a day I kiss you.  Probably millions.  And that's still not enough.

Sleep is the one area that we could really use some improvement.  Some nights you'll sleep through the night - 12 straight hours!  It's magic.  And then the next night you'll wake up in the middle of the night and be awake and screaming for 3 solid hours.  We don't get it.  We've been pretty easy on you lately because you've been sick, but something's got to change eventually.  Unfortunately, we really don't have a clue what we're doing in the sleep department for you.  Crying it out doesn't work any more - you are SO determined and persistent (I think you get this from me).  You just get louder and madder and there is NO self-soothing or calming down.  Lately you've been crying so hard you throw up.  So, that doesn't work.  I'd love to be able to bring you into our room and snuggle in bed with you, but you get too excited in our room because the cat and dogs are in there (and your dad) that you end up squealing and clapping and wanting to play.  Fail.  One of these days we'll get you figured out. We're learning how to be parents, just like you're learning how to be a kid.  We'll get better.  I promise you'll be able to sleep through the night before you go to college, ok?

Little dude, you are the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.  I thank my lucky stars every single day for  getting the opportunity to be your mama.  You bring so much joy and laughter to my life.  You teach me things every day.  I never knew I could love something so much.


Likes:
- eating the mail
- climbing in the dishwasher
- playing in the dog water bowl
- turning the lights on/off
- clapping
- waving
- patty cake
- peek-a-boo
- farting
- chasing the cat
- drumming (on everything)
- riding in the shopping cart at the grocery store
- balloons
- phones
- throwing things
- walking
- music
- cardboard boxes
- plastic bags
- food
- being on daddy's shoulders
- splashing in the bath
- outside
- blowing the duck call

Dislikes:
- getting your diaper changed
- wiping your nose
- when mommy/daddy leave for work
- bedtime
- naptime
- not getting exactly what you want at the second you want it (you totally get this from me)
- snot sucking

Weekend Detour

Our weekend was supposed to be filled with birthday parties and parades, good friends and green beer.

Instead, we had snot, sleepless nights and our first trip to the ER.

Mac had a slight fever Friday night then woke up from his Saturday nap with a 103.7 temp.  

We immediately took him to the hospital where we waited almost three hours to the see the doctor.  

Dude, it is ridiculously hard to entertain a 10 month old for 3 hours during his usual dinner, bath, bedtime. 

We made surgical glove balloons, played with all the medical equipment in the room, watched the most annoying Elmo movie in the world, and emptied out the diaper bag and my handbag at least 10 times.  

Poor little guy was such a trooper.  He was sweet and cheerful and adorable as always.  He waved and clapped for everyone he saw.  The doctor said he was her favorite patient of the day and asked (not really jokingly) if she could just keep him forever.  

Um...NO.

The verdict?  

Ear infection. Treat with Amoxicillin, baby Tylenol and love.

By Sunday he was feeling much better.

Still snotty, but no sign of a fever.  

We skipped the parade and missed out on the green beer, but getting to snuggle this guy made it all worth it.

He may be my little lucky charm, but I think I'm the lucky one here.  

Hope you all had a wonderful St. Patrick's Day.

(Next year there will be way less Elmo and LOTS o' beer.)

Mac's 9 Month Photo Shoot - Lifestyle Portraits

Here are the rest of the photos from Mac's 9 month session with A Better Story Photography.  I'm SO in love with them!  I'm obsessed...I can't stop looking at them!  Every one of them is my favorite.  I love these photos so much because they are just Mac.  Just us.  No props, no posing, no fancy outfits.  Just our lives, in our home.  A Saturday morning in our life captured beautifully.  It's Mac doing what he does best - playing with his toys, chasing the cat, snuggling with mommy, rolling around in bed, climbing the stairs, eating Puffs off the floor.  True story.  

I don't know how I'm ever going to decide which ones to print and hang.  

Which ones are your favorites?