One Year and Beyond - Dealing with Mommy Guilt

Welcome to week 3 of our "One Year and Beyond" toddler blogging series.  If you've missed the previous posts on Tantrums and Weaning, make sure to check them out.  Today's topic is one that is near and dear to my heart, How to Deal with Mommy Guilt.  Oh boy.   As always, we would love to encourage you to share your story and link-up with us below.  Here we go.

Out of all of the topics in this series, this is probably the one that I'm the most terrified and unprepared to talk about.  Traveling with a toddler?  Yep, I've done that.  Weaning?  Check.  But dealing with the mommy guilt is something that I'm still struggling with daily and I've come to the conclusion that I just may never get a good handle on it.  It's one of those things that everyone seems to be doing better with than me, which of course just adds to my current ridiculous amount of guilt and makes me feel worse.  

First of all, maybe I should start with what mommy guilt is, for any of you expecting moms or hopeful future moms that might not know what the hell I'm talking about (this is one of those things I did not "get" before I had kids).  For me, simply stated, mommy guilt is that feeling that I should be doing MORE for/with my child. It's that pressing desire pushing me to be the very best mom I can be.  Not the best mom in the entire universe, but just to do the very best I can do for my child(ren).  It's living up to those impossible standards to be amazing teachers, gourmet chefs, professional memory documenters, perfect housekeepers, head cheerleaders and social coordinators, all to ensure that our kid's have the ultimate childhood and grow up to be well-adjusted, brilliant, healthy rocket scientists, doctors or astronauts.  

But of course, life tends to get in the way of even the best-laid plans and good intentions get pushed aside for any number of reasons; that's when the mommy guilt starts creeping in.  It can be for anything: big or small, important or trivial, significant or completely innocent.  Seriously, here's a list of some of the reasons I feel guilty on a daily basis.  

• Guilty that I work full-time and am not a stay-at-home mom. 
• Guilty that I didn't breastfeed. 
• Guilty that I sometimes need a break.  
• Guilty that we sleep trained.  
• Guilty that we didn't sleep train earlier.  
• Guilty that I check my phone when I'm with my child.  
• Guilty that I didn't take enough photos of his birthday party.  
• Guilty that I take too many photos sometimes and he gets annoyed with me and the camera.  
• Guilty that I spent more time cooking dinner and cleaning up than playing with him.  
• Guilty that I didn't spend enough time cooking a healthier meal.  
• Guilty that I didn't make it to music class because of work. 
• Guilty that my husband has to take care of so many things that I used to be able to do.  
• Guilty that I went to dinner with my husband and missed bedtime.  
• Guilty that I let the nanny watch him and took a nap.
• Guilty that I ate all his Easter candy.
• Guilty that I lost my cool and got mad at him over something stupid.
• Guilty that he cries for me when I leave the house.
• Guilty that he doesn't cry for me when I leave the house.

The list is endless.  The crazy thing about mommy guilt is that it's mostly self-imposed.  No one is forcing me to go above and beyond every moment of the day.  No one is publicly berating me or judging me for not doing enough.  I feel guilty about these things solely because of the pressure I put on myself to be a good mother.  I know I'm not perfect and I'm not striving for perfection, but I am trying to do the very best job I possibly can and sometimes the pressure of all the things I want to do (or think I should do) gets the better of me and the guilt gets overwhelming.  It turns into stress, self-pity, regret and remorse.  If you let it, guilt can take over and ruin otherwise lovely experiences.

Just this week I had a major meltdown (tears and all) because I felt like I didn't take enough photos at my son's second birthday party.  This past Sunday, I organized and threw a pretty fantastic fiesta for 12 kids and 25 adults, complete with a full taco bar, decorations, homemade cupcakes, margaritas, play areas and party favors, all while working full-time, chasing around a toddler and being 29 weeks pregnant.  I spent my time at the party talking to friends, watching my son play with his grandparents, serving our guests and having a good time.  And the next morning all I could do was feel bad about the lack of photos I'd taken.  I couldn't stop thinking about it and kicking myself.  For three or four hours I let that consume me and it nearly ruined my whole outlook on how successful and fun the party really was until my husband made some comment about not having any photos of his second birthday party and how he still really loved his mother.  Then I felt pretty ridiculous about the whole thing.  Mommy guilt at its finest.  

So, how do you deal with it?  Hell, I don't know.  If I knew the answer to this, I'd be a millionaire. Nearly all the moms I know experience mommy guilt at some point.  Some of us have it WAY more than others, but we all have it.  What I've learned though, is that we all handle it differently and let it affect us in different ways.  Some of my mommy inspirations have taught me a few tricks of the trade for dealing with the guilt, of which I'm happy to share here in the hopes that maybe it'll help you too, if this is something you're struggling with. 

1. Be confident in your choices.

I read somewhere that guilt is simply a manifestation of lack of self-confidence in your choices.  AMEN. This definitely applies in my situation.  I can personally attest to the fact that I feel much less guilty about the choices I make when I feel confident that they are the best choices for our family.  Whether it's making the decision to go back to work or take some personal time for myself, if it's something I feel good about and feel is necessary for the healthy/well-being of the family, then I feel much less guilt.  Some of this confidence comes from experience and you gain that the longer you've been at this whole mommy gig.  I think this must be part of the reason that veteran moms seem to feel less "guilty" than new moms.  Lack of confidence.  

2. Learn from it.

I've also heard that feeling guilty is a cop out so you don't have to take responsibility for your decisions. Instead of actually taking action and fixing the situation, feeling guilty about it lets it the "shoulda coulda woulda's" take over.  In this situation, the best thing to do is learn from it and don't make the same mistake again, subjecting yourself to a whole new round of guilt for the same reason.  For example, I now realize that having photos of the birthday party is really important to me, so next time I'll ask someone to grab my camera and take pictures.  No, I can't do it all, but I can try to prevent some of it from every happening in the first place.  

3. Remind myself of how lucky we all are.
Sometimes I just need a slap-in-the-face type situation to snap me out of the mommy guilt roller coaster and remind me of just how lucky my son is and how fortunate I am.  I may want to cry all the way to work when my son has a morning meltdown when I leave the house for work.  But I have to remind myself that he is surrounded by a wonderful loving care-giver and parents that would do anything for him, in a house full of toys and pets with constant attention and daily adventures anywhere he wants to go.  I'm lucky enough to have a great flexible job and an understanding boss that lets me work from home when necessary or take time off to be with my family.  We are so lucky and there are so many families that would love to be in our position.  I need to stop feeling guilty about it.  

4. Let it go!

Yes, I realize Disney may have a trademark on this sentiment by now, but it's true here too.  I've learned that the best way to get over the guilt is to just decide to let it stop bothering me.  No one else is making me feel guilty, it's ALL ME.  My child is happy and I'm doing the best I can - that's enough.  I need to learn to not only let the guilt go, but also let go of some of the things causing the guilt.  The house isn't clean - let it go, even if I clean it now it'll be dirty again tomorrow.  Dinner doesn't involve a single green veggie - let it go, he probably wouldn't eat it anyway.  I spent 10 minutes answering work emails on the phone while my child wanted my attention  - let it go, he knows he's loved and is the center of my universe, but needs to learn patience and he doesn't need to be entertained every second of the day anyway.  

So, that's it.  Like I said, this is something that I'm still struggling with and I know I don't have all the answers. I'm fascinated by the topic, so I'd love to hear how you handle the mommy guilt.  If you have a blog, please link-up.  And make sure to check out the other mamas participating in this series to see what they have to say.

Like A Morning Cup of Coffee               The Not Quite Military Wife

From Here To Eternity               Words About Waverly

Pardon My French             Beautiful Family Affairs

My Delicious Adventure                  The Life Of Faith

Running From The Law             The Olive Tree 

         

May 8:          Taming the temper tantrums

May 15:        Weaning from breastfeeding or from formula to cow’s milk 

May 22:        Dealing with "Mommy Guilt"

May 29:        When people share their opinions and how to lovingly handle it

June 5:         Traveling with your toddler

June 12:       How to get your toddler to eat their veggies…or their food at all

June 19:       How to make time to blog in the busyness of motherhood

June 26:       Bedtime battles (nap or bedtime)

An InLinkz Link-up

How do you handle the mommy guilt?

Photography for Moms - Monthly Milestones

I'm so excited about today's installment in the "Photography for Moms" series.  One of my favorite bloggers and new mom of two, Erin of Strawberry Swing and Other Things is here today discussing how to take those monthly milestone photos that you see everywhere.  I love this post because Erin gives so much great practical advice about how to set up the shots and choose the location, get the baby to cooperate and find the best lighting.  These are all so important in getting that consistent look month to month, or week to week.  Her tips are fantastic and she draws on her own experience of what worked and didn't work.  I'm insanely impressed with her collage of her daughter Ashlynn's week-by-week growth below.  That is dedication!  I took monthly photos of Mac during his first year, but mine turned out terribly because I didn't plan ahead, I chose a location with bad lighting, picked the wrong time of day and could never stay on schedule.  I really could have used these tips below (luckily, they're just in time for Mim!).  

So, I hope you enjoy this post and learn a lot.  This is really great for anyone expecting a baby that would like to photographically document the first year's development or anyone with a baby that would like to do this going forward (you can start at any time!).  Feel free to ask Erin any questions you have in the comment section below.  Thank you so much for this post, Erin!  One of these days I'm going to take you out for a giant margarita! 

Hi everyone!  I'm Erinn and I blog over at Strawberry Swing and other things.  I'm a mom of two girls, nineteen months apart (currently 2 years and 5 months) and am up to my eyeballs in all things baby and toddler... and diapers.  Lots of diapers.

And those coveted heart warming giggles too.

I am so incredibly flattered Sara asked me to contribute to this series.  Mostly because I wait for these posts with baited breath for all the tips and tricks I can add to my 'novice mommy photographer' arsenal.    I got my "big girl" (read: DSLR) camera on Black Friday 2011, a Canon Rebel T2i.  I was just shy of 4 months pregnant with my daughter Ashlynn and considered it my Christmas, Birthday (Jan 1st), and Halfway through Pregnancy present to myself.  I bought a 50mm (nifty fifty) f/1.8 prime lens the following summer a few months after my daughter was born.  I have never taken a photography class, only reading a handful of tutorials found via pinterest or posts like Sara has been sharing.  So no professional status here, I'm just a mom who over documents her kids - just like you!

As for my current ability, I generally shoot in Av mode, especially now with my toddler on the move.  I can never get the settings changed quickly enough and prefer to take as many pictures as I can to find a  few gems than I can edit lighting, rather than take the perfect photo...which would most likely be of the back of her head.

I did however, hone my manual shooting skills when Ashlynn was baby.  She was my first child and she didn't move.  I would play around with the camera settings, moving her room to room, and bask in the 500 pictures I would take of her that day.   I'm still far from a professional, but I learned about my camera, lighting, back button focus, ISO, and shutter speed in the process.  If anything, it was an excuse to make sure I was picking up my camera instead of waiting for holidays or special occasions.

A true "first born" child with the thick baby photo book to prove it.

When Ashlynn was born I knew I wanted to take weekly pictures of her.  I wanted to track that progress ever since watching John and Sherry of YoungHouseLove do it of their daughter Clara and Reichel of CopyCatChic of her daughter Arden.  These were my inspirations and from there I took similar weekly photos of Ashlynn laying on one of her Aden + Anais Swaddle blankets since they were the largest blankets I had and they coordinated together.  I liked having something other than a plain white background, but nothing too bright or competing since I wasn't using a white onesie like YHL.  Instead, I was putting to use the plethora of adorable clothes we received from friends and family - and of course my own habit of binge shopping.  I edited the photos using Picasa, correcting any contrast or color issues, cropping, and then adding the week number.

Of course there were lots of other inspirations on Pinterest - baby in chair or crib, baby next to a teddy bear or lovey to show physical growth, baby in front of a chalkboard wall, you name it.  I actually got really ambitious and tried to add monthly photos to our weekly ones and planned to document her from laying baby, to sitting, to standing in front of her dark blue gray nursery wall with balloons to correspond to her monthly age.

After the second month I gave up, turned out I didn't have proper light or timing.  The one space in her room where I could stage the shot had the best light from 7-9am in the morning.  As it got later, the crib would cast a shadow (left above) and there wasn't any other ample wall space for the photo to be staged elsewhere in the room.  Since I would purchase the balloons during business hours, I'd have to wait until the following morning to take the photo to get that prime light. By then, the balloons would be falling to the ground (middle above).  By the second month I was still having way too many issues and just hadn't planned it properly so I threw in the towel (right above).  It was a good effort, but lesson learned and I'm glad I already had good thing going with the weekly photos.  Not to mention we sold our house when she was 8 months old so I would have had to find a new wall to shoot in front of and there is no way 12 balloons would have fit in the space between the crib and closet.  Hindsight is 20/20.

Tip:  If pregnant, test shoot a teddy bear around the house.  Find a chair, wall, space on the floor that gets great light (how many of these photography for moms post can emphasis the use of light?  if you learn anything let it be that!) and shoot some test shots with any props you will be using while getting to know your camera in the manual setting.  A chalkboard, iPad, blocks... and I'm totally loving these new monthly printables from Caravan Shoppe.  Figure out where you'll place them in the frame and try to think ahead to when your baby isn't immobile anymore - meaning, when they might focus the whole photoshoot on grabbing anything within their reach or rolling, crawling, and walking away!

I would be lying to say was I wasn't a bit relieved when my daughter turned one and I was able to stop the weekly photo nonsense.  She was too old and too mobile to put up with it and it was becoming a chore trying to make sure we were home on Wednesday at 10am to get the best photo!  And yes, I was that obsessive about it.  I believe there were only two weeks we didn't take the picture on Wednesday morning and that was because of holidays.

Tip:  Consider when you will take the photos. Monthly vs Weekly? Are you a working mom?  It might be best to aim for taking them on the weekend instead of the day of the week your child was born.  And don't forget to consider the seasons.  The light and best time of day to shoot changed as we went from Summer to Winter and back.

Also, take in consideration the time of day and your child's moods.  It's unlikely you can plan that far advance, especially if pregnant with your first child.  But waiting until after a nap or feeding instead of squeezing it in before hand when the child is on the verge of meltdown is generally helpful.  And while a crying baby photo is always a winner in my book, it's generally not the best parenting tactic to allow your baby to cry in hunger while you fuss about white balance.

For our second year I went to the more attainable monthly shot.  We got Ashlynn an Anywhere Chair for her birthday and I decided we'd use that as the prop.  We keep it in our family (TV) room, but I would drag it in our playroom once a month for the photos.  Having the chair in a new space was enough to interest her to sit on it if I asked her to.  Of course as we drew closer to 2 years, items and toys from the playroom would distract her and they'd make their way into the photos, but I found it charming.  It wasn't until 23 months I actually had to bribe her with goldfish to sit for a picture.

Tip:  Find a distraction to keep them where you want them.  In her weekly photos as a baby, to keep her from rolling and crawling away, I'd place things in her hands. Hair bows or smaller (non-choking hazard) toys that wouldn't take away focus if visible in the shot.  If I was able to take it away after a few minutes and shoot her looking at me, score, if it not oh well.   Generally, it would at least get her to lay still for a few photos as opposed to just resisting from the start.

For my second daughter, Kenley, I decided to take advantage of the amazing light in her nursery. Placing her on the white chair, in a plain white onesie, her physical appearance is the sole focus and only factor that changes from shot to shot. Well, that and her headbands.  

Because I take her photos monthly and I'm not as great about picking up the camera every week like I was with my first born, I make sure I take plenty of shots during that time (usually after she's fed and the toddler is napping). 

I take shots from across the room capturing her small (growing) body in the chair with the curtains flanking the sides so there is room to add my text.  I also usually shoot standing in front of the window on her left side looking at me so I can catch the light in her eyes - always using my back button focus right on her eye.  After some of those close ups, I'll take a few of her in the crib.  I love having the difference perspectives and of course, expressions!  

Tip:  For photo step up, my first suggestion is a tripod!  Except I don't have or use one.  If you wanted pictures that taken from the exact same height or distance that's definitely your answer.  I just always try to crop the best I can so they are similar.   Also, if you use a step stool to stand over your child on a blanket or a zoom lens (I was unable to use my prime lens when shooting Ashlynn's weekly pics from above and used my kit lens), have everything ready to go before getting your baby situated.  Their patience is short and only gets shorter as they grow!

Back to the expressions.  I love getting shots that show my daughters' true personalities and sometimes staring at a camera and saying "cheese" doesn't elicit those gummy smiles or funny faces I love looking back on.  Ashlynn loved when I sang the ABCs when she was baby and Kenley loves Patty Cake.  And both love when I play Peek-A-Boo with the camera.   When in the toddler phase, I'd usually ask Ashlynn questions to keep her attention looking at me and getting a laugh.  Anything from asking her what does the cow say, what her feet smell like, or to try to blow bubbles like her sister.

Now, if you have a blog to share these shrines of your littles to the world that's great, but I'm sure the majority of moms (or dads too) scouring pinterest for ideas isn't just looking to take some pictures to store on their hard drive, but actually show off.  Whether it's a clothes line of 4x6s at the 1st Birthday Bash to a printed poster to hang and store as a keepsake.  I would imagine the most popular is creating a photo book.  For Ashlynn's weekly shots, I created an 8x8 Photobook through Shutterfly taking advantage of a 40% code for all the additional pages I needed.  I plan on making one for Kenley's first year, but instead of just having one photo per page flip book, I will also include each month's memories and milestones.  I'm sure there are some other great ways to pull all these images together, mini brag books for the grandparents, but use your creative freedom!

Thank you Sara for allowing me to share my growing girls' and obsessive picture taking.  I hope I was able to inspire and lend some helpful tips I've learned along the way!  Enjoy these days, these little ones grow up fast!

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Photography for Moms Series:
Part 1 - Finding the Light
Part 2 - Step Off and Step In
Part 3 - For the Love of Photos
Part 4 - Aperture Priority
Part 5 - Sibling Shots

Baby Mac - 24 Months

Dear Baby Mac,

Well, here we are on your second birthday.  I feel like I have so much to say to you, yet I'm at a complete loss for words right now.  It took me about 3 hours just to write that first sentence and I'm already in tears.  I guess I am just not ready to admit that you're two years old now.  It seems like yesterday that your dad and I were on our way to the hospital to meet you.  I was sitting on 18 towels in your dad's new car, just in case my water broke and holding onto that "oh shit handle" for dear life as I yelled at your dad for hitting every single pothole in the city in between contractions that felt like my uterus was going to rip in half.  I've never been so scared and excited and irritated in my whole life. We made it to the hospital in plenty of time, as I was only 1 centimeter dilated (that's it!), yet contractions were about 2 minutes apart and mothereffing intense.  I asked for an epidural right away and no one argued with me.  As the nurses helped me into a hospital bed my water broke and we immediately knew we'd be meeting you that day. It was about 8:30 a.m. on Sunday, May 20th and our lives were about to change forever.   

We spent the next 10 hours waiting for you.  I slept on and off, while your dad was engrossed in some show on the iPad (Game of Thrones, I think).  Occasionally I'd wake up to have a popsicle or get checked out, but all I really wanted to do was sleep.  I think my body knew what was coming and tried to get me as much rest as possible.  Things proceeded pretty quickly and I was at 8 centimeters before I knew it.  We thought you'd be here within the hour, but you had other plans. You flipped on us and stopped progressing.  

For the next five hours you made zero progress while my contractions and pain got more and more intense.  Finally, after 18 hours of labor, I developed a fever and you gave signs of distress, so we made our way to the operating room for a c-section.  I was drugged up, your dad was suited up and the curtain went up.  My OB asked your dad whether he was squeamish about seeing blood, to which he made some smart-ass reply about gutting a deer. I was mortified and made a mental note to be mad at him about that later.  

Luckily I felt very little pain during the operation.  Your dad was fascinated by what was going on and gave me the play-by-play of the whole procedure, including a description of my ovaries and commentary about my organs, which made me want to puke.  I had a hard time staying awake and had to force myself to be in the moment and take it all in.  Finally, with one big tug, I felt instant relief and you were brought into the world...perfect and crying.  Your dad kept saying, "he's beautiful, he's perfect" over and over and all I wanted to do was get my hands on you. The next few minutes were some of the hardest of my life as I waited and waited to see you and hold you.  Your dad held your hand as they cleaned you up, measured you and he cut the umbilical cord.  I could barely see you and I sobbed while the anethesiologist brushed my hair and wiped the tears away.  Finally he brought you over to me all bundled up and bright-eyed and I thought you were the most amazing, beautiful, perfect baby that had ever been born.  You scored 9s on all your Apgar tests and I was prouder than I'd been of anything in my life.    

In that moment, everything changed.  The center of my entire universe shifted over to the tiny wiggly bundle of baby boy waiting for me to show him the world.  You were different than I expected, but you also looked so familiar to me.  Even after just seeing you for a second, I think I could have picked you out of a line-up of a hundred babies.  My first words to you were, "Hi baby. I'm your mama.  I know you."  And I did.  

I'd been waiting for you for so long.  Praying for you.  Longing for you to be in my arms.  I'd never laid eyes on you, but I knew you inside and out.  And all of a sudden, there you were, looking up at me with these amazing big dark eyes.  Eyes that looked just like your dad's and seemed to hold the secrets of the universe.  You had the longest legs and the biggest feet and I knew them immediately as the ones that spent the last 5 months kicking my ribs.  Man, how I love those feet.

Before I knew it, it was just the three of us, alone in a room as a new family.  I don't think any of us slept that night.  Your dad and I spent hours just staring at you, marveling at how gorgeous you were and that we couldn't believe you were ours.  I'm not sure if the words "Oh my God, we have a baby" have ever been uttered more frequently.  You made the most incredible noises and we soaked up every one.  Every time you looked at us and we melted.  You wrapped your tiny hands around our fingers and our hearts nearly exploded.  You yawned and we gasped.  Your very first yawn - it was perfection.  We were smitten.  

And so the love affair began.  Two years later and we're still so hopelessly infatuated with you it's pathetic.  Your long legs have gotten longer.  Your dark eyes have gotten darker.  Your hair turned blonde and smile grew big and bright.  Every day we still marvel over how amazing you are and how lucky we are to be your parents.  Your incredible feats have turned from coos and yawns to hitting a golf ball and reciting the alphabet. Not a day goes by that we don't feel like we won the baby lottery with you.  Worth the wait doesn't even begin to accurately describe the feeling. 

At two years old, you are a happy, precocious, active, curious, silly, serious, intelligent, sensitive and wild toddler.  You are everything a boy should be and then some.  You're always covered in dirt or maple syrup, have skinned knees and facial injuries, teeter between happy as a clam and pissed the eff off because you're not getting your way.  You are defiant and spirited, sometimes convinced we exist to put to stop to all your fun.  But you forgive quickly and are always generous with hugs, kisses and tickles.  The qualities that drive us insane (your persistence, determination and stubbornness) are all going to be ones that will serve you well in the future.  You run us absolutely ragged and we wouldn't want it any other way.  You've got everyone that meets you wrapped around your finger - you're a handsome charmer, just like your daddy.  But so much of your personality is mine - you're observant, crafty and bossy, just like your mama.  You are smarter than your dad and I combined, which drives us insane and scares us to death.  You are going to be trouble with a capital T, mister.  I just know it.  

You truly are the light of our lives.  You make us laugh and bring so much joy into our lives.  We are both curious (and slightly scared) to see how adding a baby to the family is going to change things for you.  We know it might be hard for you at first, but we really do think that it's for the best.  You're a spoiled brat right now (I mean that in the best possible way), so learning some patience and how to share will be very good for you.  You're so wild and active, she's going to spend her whole life trying to keep up with you.  I can't wait to watch the two of you grow up together.  I think you might even like your little sister someday...you know, 20 or 30 years from now.  You're welcome, in advance.  

So, little man.  On your second birthday...I just want to thank you for...well, everything.  For making me a mother.  For letting me love your dad in a whole new way.  For bringing so much laughter and frustration into our lives.  For keeping us young and adventurous.  For letting me kiss your boo boos and be a superhero in your eyes.  For being forgiving and loving us unconditionally.  For challenging us daily.  For teaching us how to be patient and strong.  For letting us be vulnerable.  For showing us the true meaning of love and loyalty.  For giving us the opportunity to show you the world.  For being YOU.

So happy birthday, baby Mac.  I hope you have the happiest of days.  You can expect lots of big presents and pink cupcakes today.  Stay awesome, little man.  Hot diggity dog.

Love,

Your mama

*All photos taken by Caroline at A Better Story Photography

Mac Says...

Me: You have a birthday coming up. How old will you be?

Mac: TWO!

Me: How old is mama?

Mac: Three!

Me: That's right.  How old is daddy?
Mac: Hmmmm.
Me: Sixty.
Mac: SIXTY!!
Me: Don't tell him I told you that.

Me: What do you want for your birthday?

Mac: Presents!

Me: What kind of presents?

Mac: Big ones!

Me: Do you want cake?

Mac: Uh huh! Pink cupcakes.
Me: Ok, pink cupcakes.
Mac: BIG pink cupcakes.  And vitamins.

Me: What did you do today?

Mac: See animals.

Me: That's right, you went to the zoo.  What animals did you see?

Mac: Giraffe.  Elephants.

Me: Anything else?

Mac: I pooped outside!

Me: Can you count to five?

Mac: Yep.

Me: Ok, can you show me?

Mac: Five.

Me: Start with one.

Mac: One, two, free, four, five, six, nine, ten!

Me: What happened to seven and eight.

Mac: Hmmmm...

When I give him hugs I say, "I love you so much."
Now, when he gives me hugs he says, "So much, mama."

When Mac "accidentally" kicks my belly during a diaper change, he says, "Sorry baby sister." 

Me: Mac, what do you want for dinner?
Mac: Noodles!
Me: Anything else?
Mac: Cheese.  Pancakes.  Cookies.  Worms!

Me: Do you want a baby sister?
Mac: Noooo!
Me: What do you think we should name your sister?
Mac: Boo boo.
Me: You already have a dog named Boo boo, won't that be confusing?
Mac: Hmmmm.
Me: How about a different name?
Mac: Doo doo!!!

Me: Who do you want to come to your birthday party?
Mac: Papa.
Me: Anyone else?
Mac: Nope.

Mac (from his room): Mamaaaaa help.
Me: Baby, it's 3 in the morning.  Why are you awake? Are you feeling ok?
Mac: Yup.
Me: Are you thirsty?
Mac: No.
Me: What do you need?
Mac: Sleep in mama's bed.
Me: You need to sleep in your bed. Mama is very tired.
Mac: Sorry, mama.  Happy birthday party day!
Me: Ok, you can sleep with us.

Me: Did you have fun at your birthday party?

Mac: Super fun, mama.  Super fun.

One Year and Beyond - Weaning to Cow's Milk

Hello mamas!  Today is the second post in our "One Year and Beyond" toddler blogging series. Last week's topic of Taming the Temper Tantrum seemed to really get some great feedback and I'm thrilled that so many of you linked up with us.  Today's topic is Weaning off Breastmilk or Formula to Cow's Milk, which is an issue that I remember being very curious about when we were going through this, but didn't find a lot of information/stories on.  I'm hoping this prompt will encourage you to share your experience so other new moms have more information to go on.

As I've mentioned before (numerous times), I am no expert on any of these subjects (this is the lawyer in me making a full disclosure).  I'm not a nutritionist, I'm not here to lecture you on the pros/cons of formula or breastmilk, I am not a cow's milk advocate and I've only had one kid, so my experience is limited.  But it's just that...my experience.  I'm just sharing my story. I hope you'll share yours.

I guess you could say that our weaning experience began when Mac was six-months old. Instead of purees or baby food, we decided to do Baby Led Weaning (which doesn't mean "weaning" off breastmilk/formula in the traditional sense) and go straight to whole foods and vegetables.  I plan to talk much more about Baby Led Weaning in the upcoming post on "Getting your Toddler to Eat" (scheduled for June 12), if you're interested in the process, but for now I'll give you the simple version.  Basically, BLW is adding foods to your child's diet of breastmilk/formula and allowing them to self-feed, which helps with hand-eye coordination, motor development and their ability to manipulate food in their mouth.  In theory, it also is supposed to create a better (less picky, more adventurous) eater, since the child gets to choose what to eat and how much.  The food at this point doesn't replace breastmilk/formula at all (merely a supplement), but allows the child to explore new tastes/flavors, be a part of the family during meals and have fun with food.  

For the first few months (6-9 months) of BLW, Mac did not really "eat" any of the food we gave him.  He would lick the food, chew on it, taste it and spit it back out.  Occasionally he would eat something, but for the most part, eating food was just for fun and he was getting all his nutrition from breastmilk/formula.  It's actually recommended that you give the baby breastmilk/formula right before giving them food so they're not super hungry, which could lead to a crabby frustrated baby that can't feed himself.  Between 9-12 months, things started changing.  I noticed that Mac was "eating" much more at mealtimes and taking less and less breastmilk/formula.  It wasn't a dramatic shift, but a gradual change over the course of a few months as he got better with self-feeding and learned how to chew/swallow.  As his food intake increased, he eventually dropped a morning bottle, then an afternoon one.  We were giving him water in a sippy cup during meals and throughout the day.  By the time he turned a year old, we were down to only giving him bottles of formula right before nap and bedtime.  Occasionally he'd wake up in the middle of the night and want/need a bottle to get back to sleep and I knew that was going to be our most difficult habit to break.

Right after Mac turned a year old, we took a family vacation to Florida and surprisingly, he started sleeping through the night and acting uninterested in his bottles.  I don't know if it was all the outside activity and sunshine or just being in a new environment, but he also began sleeping through the night and taking long luxurious naps during the day.  It was a GLORIOUS vacation!  We prayed that it wasn't just a fluke and that everything would change when we got home.  Luckily, it seemed to stick around for a while. When we got home we started giving him sippy cups of cow's milk at mealtimes (we waited a year to introduce cow's milk), which he didn't seem terribly interested in, but tried and drank occasionally.  I watched him very carefully the first couple times he had cow's milk, just to make sure there weren't any issues with allergies or intolerance.  All seemed well, so we replaced his water with milk at mealtimes - the rest of the day he only drank water.  

I made the decision to finally eliminate all the bottles and formula when Mac was about 13.5 months old.  At that time we were down to 2 bottles a day (right before nap and bedtime), plus an occasional middle of the night bottle.  He had basically stopped taking much from the bottles before nap and bedtime at that point and it seemed like the right move.  Honestly, I think he was probably ready before that, but I was hesitant for personal/emotional reasons.  If he wasn't taking a bottle, would he still be my little baby?  Would we still get that time to cuddle and just stare at each other?  I loved that one-on-one time that we got from feeding him, wrapped tight and warm in my arms right before he drifted off to sleep.  I didn't want to give that up.  But I knew it was time.  

Once we made the decision, it was actually a pretty easy transition for him that only took a couple days. For the first few days, I would take a bottle with me when I rocked him to sleep for naps and bedtime, but didn't let him see it or know I had it.  I also took a sippy cup of water, which he did see.  I figured that if he cried because he wanted a bottle, I’d give him the sippy cup first, then only give him the bottle if he still insisted. Otherwise, I hoped that it was “out of sight, out of mind.”  The first night he didn't seem to care a bit that we didn't have a bottle and he fell right asleep on his own.  The second night he fussed a little for the bottle so I gave him the sippy cup of water.  He took one drink, seemed disgusted by it and didn't want any more.  Same thing the third night.  By the fourth night he didn't want the sippy cup or a bottle.  And all of a sudden, there were no more bedtime bottles.

The middle of the night bottle was a little bit tougher to break, but he handled it like a champ.  For a week, if Mac woke up in the middle of the night, we would either let him cry for a few minutes and see if he could put himself back to sleep or go in and rock him for a few minutes (if it was obvious he wasn't going to do it on his own).  Most of the time, just being in our arms and snuggling for a few minutes was all it took to calm him down and get him back to sleep.  We didn't offer any bottles and after a few nights he started sleeping better.  He would continue to have middle of the night wake-ups for a while, but no more bottles at all!

Actually, looking back at the whole process, it was relatively easy and I'm a little sad now that I didn't take more time to soak up and appreciate those last couple bottles that I gave him.  I just didn't know that he'd handle the transition so well and that they'd be the last bottles I'd ever feed him.  It's such an important milestone and it happened so quickly, without me even realizing the significance of it.  Of course I was thrilled to be able to stop washing bottles and buying formula, but it was also the official end of the "baby days."  Or maybe this is just the crazy pregnancy hormones talking and I'm out of my mind. :)  I need another baby!

Now (at 2 years old) Mac drinks milk at mealtimes, but not a ton.  I'm not very concerned with it, since Ryan and I aren't really milk drinkers either.  He's getting plenty of calcium from yogurt, cheese and vegetables and our pediatrician is happy with his intake.  So, that's our weaning story.  This is something I've never really blogged about, so I'm glad I had a chance to put it all down now, before I forget.  I'm curious to see how this goes with Mim and must try to remember to write all that down too.  Remind me 16 months from now, ok?

Anyway, if you're interested in the topic or reading more about other mamas' experiences, please visit the blogs of some of the other host mom's below.  I'm really interested to see if this was as easy for everyone else as it was for us.  And of course, we'd LOVE to hear your story.  Please feel free to use the link-up below and join in on the action.

Like A Morning Cup of Coffee               The Not Quite Military Wife

From Here To Eternity               Words About Waverly

Pardon My French             Beautiful Family Affairs

My Delicious Adventure                  The Life Of Faith

Running From The Law             The Olive Tree 

         

May 8:          Taming the temper tantrums

May 15:        Weaning from breastfeeding or from formula to cow’s milk 

May 22:        Dealing with "Mommy Guilt"

May 29:        When people share their opinions and how to lovingly handle it

June 5:         Traveling with your toddler

June 12:       How to get your toddler to eat their veggies…or their food at all

June 19:       How to make time to blog in the busyness of motherhood

June 26:       Bedtime battles (nap or bedtime)