Capturing the Moment - Meeting Mac

Unless you were really paying attention (stalker), you probably never realized that I didn't blog Mac's birth story.  Yes, it was extremely personal, but that's not really why.  The birth itself was pretty typical - I labored for 17 hours and then had a C-section because he wasn't progressing and his head was huge (I blame my husband for that).  Nothing out of the ordinary or super dramatic - this happens to people all the time.  And a few weeks later, I actually did write it all down with the intention of sharing it.  But now, I think I'll save it for Mac and his future wife to read when they're expecting their first baby.  Just the thought of that makes me well up with tears.  

You all know how photo crazy I am and I absolutely love birth photos.  They are so raw, so real, so honest.  I am usually brought to tears looking through those photos because they are such an intimate glimpse into the life of a family at one of the most important and life-changing moments in their lives.  It's incredible that we are able to experience that kind of emotion, pain, love, support and pride though pictures.  It's what I love about photography - the ability to experience that moment like you were there and feel that emotion with the people in the photos.  That's powerful.  

I really wanted to hire a birth photographer.  But no, I did not.  Why?  Mainly because I was absolutely terrified that I would not live up to the expectation I had in my mind of what a strong laboring mother should be.  I didn't know how I would handle the pain, how I'd handle the contractions, how I'd handle myself.  I didn't know if I could do it.  Any of it (not that I had an alternative at that point).  I was so scared of being judged on how I was doing, or how I looked or whether I was being strong enough.  I was worried about doing it wrong or looking dumb.  I was scared that I'd pay a fortune for photos that documented me at my worst and just made me feel inadequate.

I was also stupid.

What a ridiculous idea that I would do it wrong...that I wouldn't be strong...that I wouldn't cherish every single photo for the rest of my life.  Giving birth is a crazy paradox - I have never felt weaker and stronger at the same time.  Never felt such fear and excitement.  Such pain and such elation.  Such terror and such confidence.  And every single photo I have of that experience is near and dear to my heart.  My wonderful husband took over my camera and documented the process from contractions to the surgery to the moment we met our son.  He took photos of the monitors, of the room, of the doctor pulling the baby out of me, of my uterus sitting on my stomach, of my son being weighed and cleaned up and finally placed on my chest.  He even got the anesthesiologist to take over the camera to get a few pictures of him cutting the umbilical cord and Mac's tiny hand gripping his daddy's finger for the first time.  The photos are wonderful and incredibly personal and deeply emotional.  Some of them are grainy and some are out of focus, but they mean the world to me.  Yes, I wish I would have hired a birth photographer so Ryan could have been in more photos with me, but I had the next best thing - a husband that knew how much I'd want those photos later and took the initiative to capture all the details.  I can't thank him enough for doing that.  Those photos, along with the birth story will remain private.  They're just too personal to share.

And even though I didn't get the professional birth photos, I did have the foresight to hire Jodie from Fresh Art Photography to come to the hospital the next day and get a few photos of us with our new family member.  She calls it the Fresh 48 - photos of the baby and the new parents at the hospital within the first 48 hours.  I just let her know when I was in labor and she was at the hospital about 12 hours after the baby was born.  The morning after Mac was born, I was a bloated, hormonal, sweaty, exhausted, emotional mess.  I was so puffy and bloated from all the fluids they pumped into me that I could barely bend my swollen fingers.  I couldn't sit upright because of the severe pain from my incision.  I forgot to brush my hair.  I was sweating like crazy from all the hormones so I couldn't put on makeup.  I couldn't even fit into a bra or the size large plain white t-shirt I planned on wearing, so I was in a granny-type nightgown, braless, sweating away.  Basically the worst possible combination of nastiness and exactly the last way you want to be documented for all eternity.  

As always, Jodie was wonderful.  As a mom to three, she's exactly the person you want there telling you it's all normal, it's ok, it's going to get better.  She was supportive without being judgmental.  She was there and documenting it all without being intrusive.  She was gentle and kind and understanding.  She didn't pose us or give us any direction - she just captured the moments as they happened.  Us.  With our son.  As parents.  As a family.  Exploring this tiny new person we just met, yet already knew. 

I have to be honest here, when I first saw these photos I shuttered.  I couldn't even look at them.  I even considered asking her to take them down off her website because I was so self-conscious - so embarrassed.  It probably sounds incredibly vain and self-centered, but I hated the way I looked.  I'm almost unrecognizable to myself - so swollen and exhausted.  It took me months after Mac's birth to be able to revisit these photos and really take a close look at them for what they are.  And do you know what...I am SO proud of these pictures.  I couldn't care less what I look like.  I JUST GAVE BIRTH!  I went through major surgery.  I produced a tiny perfect human being.  I battled.  And I look like it.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

So in the spirit of my word for the year, I'm EMBRACING them.  And I'm posting them here because I'm so proud of what I did.  I made a baby!  These photos are all the memories I have of that day.  It went by so quickly and I was so exhausted and drugged that I can barely remember what happened.  But I have these gorgeous pictures.  Photographic evidence of the intense love and overwhelming emotions I felt those first few hours of becoming a mom.  Photos of my parents meeting their first grandchild.  Photos of Ryan taking care of his wife and beaming with pride at his baby boy.  So, if you're on the fence about whether to hire a birth photographer or one to capture those first moments with baby, please don't even hesitate to do it.  It's worth every single penny.  

*All photos by Fresh Art Photography

DIY Bridal Shower Photo Booth

One of my very best friends is getting married in March and I had the pleasure of co-hosting a bridal shower for her in December, along with her other bridesmaids.  Since she lives in Denver and didn't want to travel with loads of shower gifts, we all gave her gift cards so she could get her own toaster oven and mixer once she was back in Colorado.  However, since she wasn't opening gifts, we needed an activity to pass the time away...

PHOTO BOOTH!  

My friend Melissa is a high school teacher and she raided the theater departments's prop/costume closet and came up with the best stuff!  Then we set up the camera on a tripod and gave the ladies free reign over the props.  Instant DIY photobooth for $0!  It provided hours of entertainment too!  I'm still laughing just thinking about all the outfits.  I have a million hilarious photos, but here are few of my favorite sneak peeks.  

(I love this one of the bride-to-be tied up with her future mother in law laying down the law!)

Growing Older But Not Up

Today is my birthday.  

(source)

As I turn 29 for the fifth time, I have to laugh about how much has changed over the past year.  This time last year if you asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I would have been able to give you a three page single-spaced printed list of all things shiny, sparkly and/or Burberry.  Today, however, I have one thing on my list...sleep.  

(source)

Sleep.  Glorious uninterrupted cold-dark-room wonderful feels-like-I'm-dead sleep.  I want to go to bed at 6:30 p.m. and not wake up until noon the next day.  I want to sleep without two dogs pushing me out of bed, without a cat wrapped around my head, without a snoring husband next to me, without a baby monitor on my nightstand.  One night of amazing refreshing energizing fan-fucking-tastic sleep!

(source)

However, that would mean getting rid of the baby, the husband, the dogs and the cat for a night and quite frankly, that sounds terrible.  I don't want to spend my birthday without my family.  Birthdays are for celebrating and I want to be surrounded by the ones that matter most to me.  So, this year I can't think of a better way to spend my birthday than a nice evening at home, a glass of champagne in hand, a snuggly baby on my hip, listening to my husband go on and on about fishing, watching Duck Dynasty and trying not to trip over one of the dogs under my feet.  

Maybe this whole growing up thing isn't so bad after all.

(*I will still gladly accept anything sparkly or Burberry.)

Going Beyond Point and Click

You guys, I am so excited about today's post!  So, a few weeks ago I asked photographer extraordinaire (and friend) Anni Compton if she would write a little guest post  for us on how to improve your photography.  I feel like this is really fitting right now, since so many of bloggers I follow have a new year's goal to take more/better photos of their family.  And that is such an awesome goal!  You'll never regret having better photos of your little ones - they grow so quickly!  This post is great for those of you that just got a new DSLR for Christmas and for those of us that already have a DSLR, but may be stuck in a rut or want to take our photos to the next level.  Anni's broken it down into 8 little things you can do to improve your pictures.  These are really great tips.  Honestly, I cringed a little bit reading this because I am guilty of doing quite a few of the no-no's even though I know better!  I've already promised Anni that I'm going to take my camera off AV and throw my kit lens away immediately.  

As a huge bonus, Anni has graciously agreed to answer any of your questions about gear, settings, equipment and photography in general, so leave your questions in the comment section.  Take the opportunity to ask the pro!  I hope you guys enjoy this post and learn something.  I can't wait to see all your new and improved photos in 2013!

{Photo by Nirav Photography}

Hi, I’m Anni of Anni Cee Photographie. I’m a wedding photographer, but not the kind you might think of at first.  I work mostly with couples who are non-traditional in some way, whether that means they’re getting married in a field, a courthouse, a barn, or an art gallery, or just throwing a knockout shindig for their friends and families. My frequent flier miles are used often and I meet really fan-freaking-tastic people in the process, so I’m pretty damn happy.

So, I’ve been thinking a lot about how to write a tutorial that will really help you all take photos that you’re not just proud of - we’re not talking just Facebook likes here - but that will be worth printing and passing on. Speaking of which, you must (must, must!) print at least your favorite photos, and please don’t do it at Walgreens or Target. Click over to www.mpix.com right this second, because it will blow your mind. They’re very close to my pro lab in terms of quality (I use a different lab because I get wildly ecstatic about the words “deep matte” in a way only a photo nerd can) and I can’t overstate the worth of having printed photos to thumb through over the years.

Anyway. Back to making those photos worth printing.

I know it’s important to have something in here for both those of you who just unwrapped a DSLR for the holiday AND the crowd who’s ready to take it up a notch but already knows their stuff. So this list is going to start basic, but pay close attention, because some of these (albeit, simple) tips are things that helped my own process immensely in the past few years.

1) Get that camera off auto (and P, and AV, and whatever other newfangled “easy” settings they've come out with by now).

It sounds obvious, but a big part of photography is trial and error. You have to spend a lot of time with your camera, and you have to have moments where you want to smack your forehead when you’re editing those photos because you just had a total DUH moment and realized what you should have done differently. You need those moments to get better, and when you figure out why shooting your entire family at f/1.2 is a bad idea, the whole thing will start to come a lot more easily to you.

2)  Buy some editing software (something that’s beyond an Instagram-like filter).

It doesn't have to be Photoshop, in fact, the majority of my photos are edited using Adobe Lightroom. I tend to use Photoshop for album edits only. Just make sure you can adjust things like white balance, curves, etc.

3)  Upgrade that kit lens.

I use all prime lenses, so of course I’m going to love on those. For those of you who are asking “what in the world is a prime lens?” right now, they’re fixed focal length lenses (like 35mm, 50mm, 85mm), so there’s no zooming in or out. Nothing against zoom lenses, but they’re not as fast as I’d like. Most zooms have a maximum aperture of about 2.8, whereas many of my primes stop all the way open to f/1.2 - that’s some serious low-light power, and it   provides beautiful bokeh. There’s also something to be said for pushing yourself to work with one lens at a time - you learn to frame things, and see things, differently. If you don’t have the budget for L series lenses like I use, there are cheap options like the Canon nifty fifty, AKA the plastic fantastic, which you can buy on Amazon for a steal.

4)  Use natural light. 

Sometimes, flash or other artificial lighting is unavoidable. And that’s fine, but when it’s available, use that sun.  Direct sunlight is going to be too harsh in the middle of the day, so you’ll want to find a shady spot. Magic hour, which is right around sunrise and sunset, provides lovely, warm light that’s easy to shoot in from almost any angle. And fog or clouds provide gorgeous diffused light that makes skin look amazing.

They’re all different, and it’s important to learn (by trial and error, again) how to change your approach based on the lighting. It’s okay to chimp (look at the back of the camera) to see how things are going while you get the hang of this.

Just a note on natural light, it can be tough to mix it with artificial light like lamps (white balance nightmare!), so if you’re inside and have enough sunlight coming in that you can turn the lights off, it’ll make your photo look much nicer.

5) Diffuse your light.

If the fog or clouds aren't doing it for you, leaving a white or sheer curtain up on the window can make a world of difference when you’re shooting inside. Outside, using backlight can work wonders in the right situation. That means your subject faces you looking away from the sun so that you’re shooting into it. Be careful that you’re exposing   for their face though - if you’re letting your camera decide for you, it might come out much too dark.

6) Expose for the blinkies.

There’s a setting on most cameras called “highlight alert” and when you set it, the photo that pops up on your camera LCD after you take a picture will flash in the places that are overexposed. Sometimes it’s okay for this to go off - the sky will be overexposed when you’re exposing for your subject’s skin - but if you see the blinkies on someone’s face, or if you want to see the details of the clouds, the sky, a white dress, etc, you’ll pay attention to that flashing light and adjust accordingly. 

7) Learn to use back button focus.

This one made a world of difference for me. Most cameras automatically focus using the shutter button, which makes it difficult to focus on one part of the scene and then recompose your camera to frame it differently. I do this because I use Canon cameras, which have notoriously finnicky autofocus, and I trust that center point focus button the most. By setting the AF-ON button to be my focus, I can set the focus to any part of the frame I like, and keep it locked on that spot. Now all the shutter button does is fire the shutter to take the photo.

8) Kill your babies.

This is the most important tip I have by far.

I’m going to say it again: kill your babies.

Errr, please don’t take that the wrong way, I think Baby Mac is adorable and I have nothing against your actual kids, but I see far too many photographers (both amateurs and pros) who post way too many  bad photos.

Whether you’re posting a blog post or an album to Facebook, ask yourself why you’re including each photo. Does it add something to the story? Do you have another photo just like it you’ve already added? Is there a glaring technical fault (i.e., did you miss focus, or over/under-expose it?)

I know someone who does some photography work for fun. She set up a website for herself and has a Facebook page. Some of her work is really good, but she includes the outtakes, too. Those photos that are unflattering, boring, or poorly taken.

I get it, it sucks when a photo is almost right, but it’s not. And sometimes, if it’s your dog or your kid, it’s fine to post it anyway. But if you want to be a better photographer, you’ll learn to ruthlessly cull out those photos before posting. I promise you, 20 or 30 of your very best vacation photos will captivate your readers (and your friends) much more than 75 mediocre ones. 

It’s hard to find the gems when they’re surrounded by bad outtakes.  Edit.

That’s all I have for you right now - please feel free to ask me any questions you might have, and a huge thank you to Sara for having me on as a guest poster!

*All photos courtesy of Anni Cee Photographie

Life's Good On Our Boat

Hello everyone!  Sorry for the disappearing act over the last couple weeks, I have a good excuse...I promise.  Remember how I said I hadn't done anything in preparation for Christmas this year?  Well, that's kinda true.  I didn't put up a tree...or deck the halls...or buy any presents.  Instead, I bought plane tickets to St. John, USVI and left town!  Christmas in the islands!

{Coral Bay}

The photo above was the view from our the front deck of our house in Coral Bay.  Not too shabby, huh?  Months ago we decided that we'd like to skip Christmas (again) and head somewhere warm and sunny.  Since this past summer was so miserably hot (and I was still recovering from birth and was delirious from sleep deprivation) we really didn't get to enjoy our summer or get out much.  In order to fill our sunshine quota for the year and maximize our Vitamin D intake, we decided to spend 10 glorious days in the Caribbean over the holidays.  We found a great house with a pool, hot tub and killer view, booked our flights, rented some baby gear, packed our bags and off we went!  Ryan's parents joined us, so we weren't entirely devoid of family and full-on Grinchy over the holidays.  It was great getting to spend time with them and so nice having a couple extra sets of hands to help with the baby.  

{Cruz Bay}

In the weeks leading up to our trip, I started to feel a bit guilty about leaving town and missing out on all the traditional Christmas activities.  We didn't put up a tree or hang any stockings.  We didn't get to play in the snow.  We didn't go driving around looking at Christmas lights.  We didn't get to be Santa for the first time after the baby had gone to bed Christmas Eve.  But we've got the rest of our lives to do all that, right?  Mac doesn't know any better and I think the best present we could ever give him is a sense of adventure, a passport and 10 days of uninterrupted quality time with his parents and grandparents. You can't put that in a stocking!  And fresh mahi fish tacos and mango daiquiris for Christmas dinner may be a new tradition in our household.

{Waterlemon Cay}

I do have to say that vacation with a baby is hard.  Very hard, actually.  That's probably a whole separate post/bitch-session.  I have quite a bit to say on that subject that no one prepared me for.  But the island was gorgeous, the weather was perfection and the beaches were ours for the taking.  

{Hawksnest}

Mac loved the water!  He loved splashing and kicking and watching the waves.  He also loved eating the sand and licking the salt off our shoulders!  I have a feeling he's going to be a beach-loving kid, just like his daddy.

{Leinster Bay}

{Lamasher Bay}

{Salt Pond}

It was so wonderful to get away, but this time it was just as nice to get back home and back to our schedule and our lives.  Traveling is hard on little dudes and just as hard on exhausted new parents.  We arrived home to snow and freezing temperatures, but were kept nice and warm in bed that first night by two dogs and a cat that were beyond excited to see us.  There's nothing like a pile of pets on top of you while you sleep to make you feel loved and missed.  

We got home just in time to watch the ball drop on TV and have a couple glasses of champagne before crashing from pure exhaustion.  We didn't have a lot of time to reflect on the past year that evening, but looking back, 2012 was a very good year for us.  We were blessed with the sweetest, happiest, funniest, cutest kid on the planet who makes every single day fun and exciting.  It was challenging and exhausting and wonderful all at the same time.  We became parents.  We grew up (kinda).  Our marriage matured (or at least survived).  Our hearts expanded.  I absolutely cannot wait to see what 2013 brings us.  So many more firsts to come, so many new places to go, so much to look forward to.  

For some reason, making goals and resolutions just doesn't feel right this year.  Lately I feel like I can barely keep my head above water, so I don't really want the added pressure that comes with making resolutions and forcing myself to stick with them.  I need to cut myself some slack.  So instead, I love the idea of choosing a word to apply to the year.  One Little Word that sums up what you hope to do and be this year.  I thought about this a lot and finally decided on the word EMBRACE.  This is not my year to push myself, or challenge myself, or over-extend myself.  I've had a few of those years and they're exhausting.  Instead, this is my year to embrace life - hold my family and my baby close, to accept myself as I am, to be more welcoming and open, to love unconditionally, to live life in the moment and cherish each second.  I'm excited about that.

So cheers to a new year, a new start, a fresh beginning!

I hope 2013 is absolutely freaking wonderful to you!

“Shells sink, dreams float. Life's good on our boat. ” 
― Jimmy Buffett