Week # 19

I was really surprised at how quickly my legs recovered after Saturday’s long run of 22 miles. I took an ice bath and a long nap, but I was out dancing in heels Saturday night! Of course, I was sore the next day, but not nearly as bad as I expected. That’s a good sign! And although my legs didn’t hurt, I was definitely tired and worn out. I couldn’t motivate myself to do much of anything over the next few days. I took Sunday off, and tried for an easy 5 miler on Monday on the treadmill. No such luck. After 2.5 miles I gave up. And I just couldn’t get motivated on Tuesday and Wednesday. Sad, I know. But it was taper time. Resting is more important now than running. It didn't take much to convince me that it was ok to skip a couple runs this week to make sure I was "well-rested." :)

The weather on Thursday was beautiful and I was determined to get a run in outside. I sat in my office all morning longing to go home and run. Finally, around 5:30 I bolted for my car and drove as fast as I could to get home and run. Traffic was horrible and it took me nearly an hour to get home, changed and out the door. I wanted to get in 6 miles before it got dark and Ryan started to worry. So I needed to kick it up a notch. After a few days of resting, I was finally ready to run.

There are some days, where the running gods align all the elements to create the "perfect run." This doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it makes up for all the hundreds of long miserable miles of not-so-great runs. These "perfect runs" are what keeps a runner coming back again and again, through the rain, sleet, snow, hail, ice, heat, and humidity. Perfect runs happen when all the conditions are just right: the right weather, the right time of day, the right distance, the right attitude, the right songs on the iPod. For that one run, everything is perfect.

I have had maybe 2 "perfect runs" in my three year running career. They are definitely few and far between. I’ve had lots of "good runs" and plenty of "not-so-great runs," but the "perfect run" is pretty elusive. It usually happens when you least expect it – when you’ve had to force your fat tired ass out the door nearly in tears because you just don’t want to run that day. So you can imagine my surprise when I began running on Thursday night to find that everything felt really good.

I’m not fast. But for some reason, I wanted to run fast. I’m usually pretty happy with consistent 10:30 minute miles. Anything faster is reserved for races. I decided to see how fast I could push myself for a new 5k time. Anything under 30 minutes would be great. Surprise surprise, 5k time was 28 minutes. I felt like I was flying. And I felt great, so I kept going. I turned my 6 mile run into a 10 mile run. At the 5 mile turn around point I noticed it starting to get dark, so I picked up the pace again. I had no idea if or for how long I could keep up this pace. I figured I would crash somewhere around mile 7. But I just kept going. I repeated Rhonda’s mantra – I am fast, I am strong – over and over in my head. By the time I got back to the house, I was convinced…I was FAST…I was STRONG. It was a perfect run!

My mile splits:
1 - 9:30
2 - 9:20
3 - 9:03
4 - 9:10
5 - 9:15
6 - 8:57
7 - 8:51
8 - 8:40
9 - 9:05
10 - 8:57


Weekly recap:

Monday: 2.5 miles
Thursday: 10.5
Saturday: 12.0

Total: 25.0 miles

Week # 18

I started the week off still in West Palm Beach, with a lot of work to do and very little time to run. I didn’t have a chance to take an ice bath on Saturday after my 20 mile long run, so my legs were incredibly sore and achy on Sunday. I tried stretching and walking around as much as possible, but it’s hard to read contracts and agreements on the move. Late Sunday night, I was lying in bed in my hotel room with screaming legs. I’d tried Advil to no avail. It was late, but I decided there was only one way to make myself feel better, so I laced up my shoes and hit the treadmill in the gym. I finished five miles close to 1:00 am. I felt better immediately.

The rest of the week was pretty uneventful. Work a lot, run a little. I had decided that I wanted to rest up to prepare myself for Saturday’s longest and final long run of training – 22 miles. Yikes! Mentally I knew if I could get beyond the 20 mile mark, I would be ready for the marathon. This would be a really tough run for me. Even though I’ve done 20 twice, I was absolutely ready to stop at the end of both those runs. I didn’t know if I would be able to work up the energy to keep going after that 20 mile point. It would definitely be my biggest challenge yet.

Friday was spent in mental preparation for the run. Ryan and I had a casual dinner with our friends Brooke, John, Megan, Robert and Michelle. I don’t know how John did it, but that was the best damn Boca burger I’ve ever had! Delicious! I went home early to hydrate and get my stuff ready. I laid out my clothes, checked the weather about a dozen times (rainy and cold), charged my iPod and Garmin, packed my Sport Beans and Gatorade, hunted for safety pins, decided on breakfast, and drank about a gallon of water. Ready.

Saturday morning I woke up the first time the alarm went off. That never happens!! I was actually wide awake, but I didn’t want to go! It was cold, dark and rainy outside. I checked the weather (again) and the forecast hadn’t changed – rainy, cloudy, cold the rest of the day. I was kicking myself for not running on Friday with sunny perfect weather. Just my luck. I would’ve given an arm to go back to bed.

I pulled up to Grant’s Trail, our TNT group training meeting place, with about 1 minute to spare. I was worried that they would send the other long distance runners out ahead of time, leaving me to run on my own. Or I was worried that there would be no one there running this distance with me and I’d have to do it by myself. With both my previous 20 milers done alone, I really wanted some company on this run. To my absolute delight, Abby was there. Yay!! Abby’s the girl I ran with a few weeks ago on my 16 miler. She’s energetic, happy, funny, and a great person to talk to over the miles. I couldn’t believe how much we had in common and we had a great time running together before. And as I signed in, I saw that she was doing 22 too. Perfect!!

So we were off. The first few miles I spent telling her all about Ryan’s proposal and our wedding plans. To me that’s the best thing in the world to talk about these days! Then we were joined by Jenny, who agreed to go the full 22 mile distance with us. And then the madness really began. We talked about nearly everything under the sun: boys, weddings, musicals, parties, books, weather, running, J-Lo’s babies, vacations, You Tube, dogs, jobs, kids, wine, friends, real estate, etc. It sprinkled on us a little bit, but luckily we didn't get the rain that was expected. It was overcast and cool, but the weather didn't bother us at all.

At mile 8, Grant’s Trail ends. Our options were to turn around and run back to the trailhead, and then tack on a 3 mile out and back (for a total of 22 miles) or run 6 miles around Kirkwood before getting back on the trail and running back. We opted for the latter. So we took off and made it all the way to Manchester, turned around, went through downtown Kirkwood, stopped at Kaldi’s for a water break and meandered our way back to the trail. It was a nice change in scenery and split up the run for the monotonous landscape of the backs houses and buildings. This also insured us that we would end up at exactly 22 miles at the end of the trail, with no out and back required. We thought this was a better approach because that last out and back would be unbelievably challenging to get through once we were so close to our cars.

We stopped for a water break around mile 17 and found it incredibly painful to start running again once we had stopped for a minute. My legs were feeling really funny, and not in a good way. But we plowed through. It got harder and hard to talk or laugh, but Abby asked us questions about our favorite movies, restaurants, books and TV shows to distract us from the pain. Our next water break was even more painful than the last one. We had previously seen the video clip of the screaming runner that week, so we thought we’d give it a shot. Any time we were feeling the pain, we’d just start screaming! It was hysterical and it worked!

Our coach Rhonda met up with us around mile 21 and ran us in. It was such an amazing feeling to be finished. I can’t even describe how proud of us I am!! I never thought I’d be able to run 22 miles – I’ve come a really long (literally) way to get here. It’s now time to taper and rest up for the big day. I’ve put in the time and miles – I’ve put my heart and soul into this challenge. I’m mentally and physically ready for this marathon!!! Bring it on!!!

Mile splits:
1 10:41
2 10:37
3 11:17
4 10:53
5 11:05
6 11:04
7 11:21
8 11:10
9 11:12
10 11:05
11 11:05
12 11:43
13 11:15
14 11:22
15 11:04
16 11:01
17 11:04
18 11:30
19 11:16
20 12:39
21 11:48
22 11:47

Weekly recap:

Sunday: 5.0 miles
Tuesday: 5.25 miles
Wednesday: 5.0 miles
Saturday: 22.0 miles

Total: 37.3 miles

Here's the video of the "Screaming Runner" - try it, it works!!

Week # 17

My week started out with the news that I would be going to West Palm Beach, Florida for a week on a due diligence trip for work. Exciting!! I was thrilled at the prospect of running outside in the sunshine along the beach. And the trip couldn’t have come at a better time, weather-wise. Although the weekend weather in St. Louis was absolutely beautiful (70 degrees), it turned viciously cold on Monday and then dumped nearly 9 inches on snow on us within a few hours on Tuesday.

All flights in and out of St. Louis were canceled on Tuesday. With my flight Wednesday morning, I was spared the hassle of being canceled and rescheduled, but had to sacrifice precious hours of sleep to get up around 3:30 a.m. to catch the first flight out that morning. The roads on the way to the airport were a nightmare – I saw at least 15 cars that had run off the road and stuck in the ditch or median. The exit ramps were not plowed and dangerously icy. Fortunately, I made it to the airport safely, only to be shocked at the number of people in line for security! I got there at 5:30 am and had to wait in the line for nearly two hours, almost missing my flight! What a disaster.

After a two-hour delay in Tampa (for no apparent reason) I arrived in Palm Beach to the most gorgeous weather I’d seen in months. Palm trees, crisp breeze, and sunshine. All I wanted to do was lace up my sneakers and go for a run. Unfortunately, I had to go straight to work. I spent the next three days in a freezing cold (air conditioned) board room going through boxes and boxes of documents. Believe me, work related travel is not as glamorous as it sounds. However, my client’s CFO is a runner. A four-time marathoner, actually. We got along famously! With my long run coming up on Saturday, he suggested a few places for me to run and gave me directions and pointers.

I woke up early on Saturday to rain and clouds. At 5:30 a.m. I finished my breakfast and decided to just go back to bed for a while, hoping it would clear up. At 7:00 it was still raining. At 8:00 it was still raining. I decided to just get up and go anyway. While training for this marathon, I’ve run in sleet, through snow, over slick ice, in freezing cold temperatures with negative windchills. I could handle a little rain – it was still 65 degrees outside!

So I drove over to Palm Beach, parked the rental car and began my run. Palm Beach is an island; on one side of the island is an inter-coastal waterway and on the other side is the ocean. This picture is from the start of my run, at a little park, looking over the waterway towards West Palm Beach. I began my run along the inside of the island, running north along the Lake Trail, a paved pathway running in between the gorgeous mansions and their boat docks. Right away I knew this was going to be an amazing run – just the change in scenery was enough to distract me mile after mile. I figured that 18 miles in the rain wouldn’t be nearly as miserable as it sounded.

My first trip up the trail was adventurous. Nearly every house was completely hidden by high shrubs and fences. I peeked through as many as possible to try to see what I was missing. These places were amazing! There was one place (maybe an inn) that was completely open and had couches and lounge chairs sprawled out on the lawn. The place was so open and warm. The trail itself was also gorgeous. Lots of knotty palm trees, sprawling banyan trees, freshly mowed green grass and flowers everywhere. I ran "next to" an enormous beautiful sailboat cruising up the waterway. I was in heaven. I think I even saw Vanna White!! Seriously! At least I'm pretty sure it was her. Looking beautiful in jeans and a ball cap. She smiled as I did a double take. And then, to top it off, about 2 miles into my run – the rain stopped and the sun came out!!!

The trail went up the island for about 3.5 miles, where it ended around a yacht club. I then took to the streets, winding my way back and forth. I found Angler Avenue, which is where Ryan would insist we live, if we could afford a house on Palm Beach. I reached the top of the island and found a drinking fountain with very cold and tasty water. This place is not bad! I wound my way back down on the other side, trying to run along the outermost roads and taking in the scenery. I was eyeing a gorgeous two story yellow terra cotta home when I rounded a corner and saw the ocean! WOW!!! Bright white sand beaches and crystal clear blue water. I was in love. I almost started crying. I took my headphones off and ran quietly, listening to the sound of the waves. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it – I ran right into the middle of traffic...twice!

On my second loop I refueled with some Gatorade and grabbed the camera from my rental car. It was a little difficult carrying a camera, a water bottle and my Sport Beans for the rest of the run, but I had to get some pictures – in case I saw Vanna again. Stopping every few minutes to take a picture probably slowed me down a little, but the run felt great! I couldn’t believe how light and fast I felt without 27 layers of clothing on. I had to slow myself down multiple times because I was going too fast for a long run. At 18 miles I was still feeling pretty good, so I decided to tack on two more and call it 20. Why not? Might as well take advantage of the weather while I have it. :) Total time: 3:40:15.

My splits:
1 10:10
2 10:06
3 10:48
4 10:05
5 11:13
6 9:52
7 10:31
8 11:25
9 10:34
10 10:33
11 10:35
12 11:48
13 11:00
14 11:47
15 11:20
16 12:33
17 11:18
18 11:02
19 12:23
20 11:35

Weekly recap:

Monday: 3.0 miles
Tuesday: 7.0
Friday: 4.25
Saturday: 20.5

Total: 34.8 miles

Maybe Vanna lives in one of these houses...

Week # 16

Note: Sorry this post is so late. It’s been a busy week for me, which I will tell you all about in my next post.

I started my week off pretty sore from my 20 mile long run on Sunday. My friend Julie is also training for the go! St. Louis race in April, but she’ll be running the Half Marathon. She mentioned the previous week that she wanted some extra motivation for her long runs and help with pacing, so we decided to run together on Sunday. Coming off a 20 miler, I didn’t know if I’d be up for doing the whole 8 miles she had to do, but I thought I could see how I felt after a few miles. If I felt good, I’d stretch one loop around the park into 8 miles. If I didn’t feel good, it would be a direct route closer to 5.5, perhaps with a lot of walking. This is a picture of me and Julie from my birthday party.

Turns out it felt pretty good! We kept a pretty slow pace to avoid slipping and sliding around on the ice. The word of the day was "SLUSH" – it was everywhere. We finished around 1:31 – slow and steady. It was great running with a friend, especially after my lonely 20 the day before (see last week’s post for that story).

Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday were all spent on the treadmill. Work had been keeping me late and I just couldn’t get outside. Not that I wanted to with the nasty cold weather we had. Friday I had planned on running after work, before my dinner date with Ryan, but he was adamant about me getting up early to run before work. I figured I’d have plenty of time to run before dinner, but he insisted…little did I know what he was planning for me after work!! :)

If you read the post below, you know that Friday night was spent celebrating! We had so much fun and so much champagne. Luckily it was a step back week, where I was only supposed to run 10 miles. I knew I couldn’t do the run in the morning b/c I had to go to a bridal shower for our friend Paige, so I made plans to run that afternoon with Julie again.

The weather had taken a fantastic turn and it was 70 degrees and sunny for our run. She met me at my house and we took off for Grant’s Trail. I love Grant’s Trail because it’s incredibly flat, which makes for easy miles. A few miles in, you also pass Grant’s Farm, established by Ulysses S. Grant and is a 281-acre ancestral home of the Busch family. The Farm is home to more than 1,000 animals representing more than 100 different species from six continents and includes the famous Anheuser-Busch Clydesdales. I love running by the Clydesdales because they’re very curious and always come up to the fence to be touched. Julie and I even got to see two baby Clydesdales. We made it back to the house with a time of 1:39.

Julie - it's so much fun running with you, we're going to have to keep this up!

Weekly recap:
Sunday: 8.0 miles
Tuesday: 6.0
Wednesday: 8.0
Friday: 4.25
Saturday: 9.0

Total: 35.3 miles

I said "YES"!!!!

What is Leap Day?
Friday, February 29, 2008 was Leap Day. Because it takes the Earth 365 days, five hours, 48 minutes and 46 seconds to travel around the sun, an extra day was added to the calendar every fourth year. It was the Romans who first designated Feb. 29 as Leap Day. In the 16th century, a more precise formula was adopted when the Gregorian calendar fine-tuned the calculations to include a leap day in years only divisible by four. Years which are evenly divisible by 100 are not leap years, unless they are also evenly divisible by 400, in which case they are leap years. However you look at it, Leap Day is a little gift, a special extra day in our lives which only happens every four years.

An Exceptional Leap of Faith

My Leap Day started out like any other day. Run in the morning, work, meeting over lunch, afternoon conference call, etc. Ryan and I had talked about going out for dinner that evening, but we both decided to get as much work done that day as we could to help with hours, since we have a few trips planned. He sent me an email around 5:00 saying that he was ready to go home and told me to hurry up and finish my work and meet him there. I told him to just go home without me and I’d be there as soon as I could. I got a few more calls and emails and was starting to get a little ticked off that he just wouldn’t go home without me. What was the damn hurry?!

I left the office a little before 6:00. Traffic was bad, as usual. I stopped by Walgreen’s and got a bridal shower card and some wrapping paper. I took my time and thought about when and where I was going to do my long run the next day. As I pulled into the garage I noticed the floor covered with something…”What did he spill?” was the first thing I thought of. When I got out of the car I noticed they were rose petals. There was note on the door with my name on it, telling me to go inside and follow the notes.

Inside, the entire place was covered with rose petals. Thousands and thousands of them. They were all over the floors, the countertops, everywhere. And there were hundreds of tealight candles lit. There was music playing and pictures of us flashing on the laptop. I started crying immediately. Ryan was nowhere to be found. There was a bottle of Veuve champagne on the countertop and another little note. I made my way down the hall to find another note and a fishing pole next to the laundry shoot. The note told me to go “fishing” and see what I caught.

I cast my line down the laundry shoot and reeled in a card. “Do you love me? If yes, cast again.” I got another card. “Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me? If yes, cast again.” I was smiling and crying and laughing. I couldn’t believe this was really happening. This time I got a card and a little blue box with a pink bow on it. “Will you marry me? If yes, turn around.”

I turned around and Ryan was standing there. We walked into the living room where he asked me if I would marry him and I said yes. I jumped up and hugged him so hard I thought I’d strangle him. “Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!!” We were both crying and laughing. He finally pulled me away and asked, “Does it fit? Do you like it?” I started laughing because I hadn’t even opened the box!! But when I did…WOW!! I love it!! It’s perfect!!

We poured ourselves some champagne and I finally said, “Oh my God, we’re getting married!!!” 

We both spent the next 45 minutes on the phone calling our families and closest friends, giving each other hugs and kisses in between calls. Finally he told me to go get ready; a limo would be picking us up at 8:00 to take us to our favorite celebration restaurant. We had a romantic corner table in the back and a fantastic bottle of champagne waiting for us there (thank you J&B).

I couldn't believe it was actually happening. Four years into our relationship, on a day that only comes once in every four years. It was perfect.

At dinner he told me all about his secret proposal plan: how he got the idea, how many roses it took, how he made the music mix and the picture montage, how long he’d been planning, and how he pulled it off. Turns out he wasn’t at work waiting for me to leave, after all!! I was so surprised, which was exactly what he wanted. I couldn’t believe he went to so much trouble. And he couldn’t believe I stopped at Walgreen’s on the way home!! 

Dinner was fabulous (as always). Afterwards, a few close friends met us at the bar to toast our engagement and celebrate with us. More champagne, hugs, dancing, laughing and toasting. It was such an amazing night!!! 

Ryan, I love you more than you’ll ever know. I have been blessed beyond belief!! My cup runneth over.

(…and yes, I’m crying even as I type this out)

Week # 15

I started the week out sick. Yep, sick again, this time it was a head cold with serious snot issues. Symptoms included a fever, headache, sinus pressure, congestion, coughing, sneezing, runny nose and body aches. At the advice of my “trainer and coach” Ryan, I took it pretty easy and rested (and ate) as much as possible. So, needless to say, I didn’t do much running during the week. The weather didn’t help either. Snow, rain, ice, sleet, snow, ice, more snow, more ice and really cold temperatures. This has definitely been the coldest, darkest and snowiest winter in the last 5 years. You have no idea how much I’m looking forward to spring. By Friday I was feeling mildly better and got a 5 mile easy treadmill run in that evening after work. It didn’t feel great – I spent the whole time grasping for breath and dealing with snot. I spent the rest of the night hydrating and mentally preparing myself for Saturday’s long run of 20 miles.

The 20 mile long run would be my farthest run to date and my longest run leading up to the marathon. I’ve planned my schedule so I have at least two 20 milers (maybe three if I wanted) a few weeks apart in preparation for the race. The theory is that if you can run 20 miles during training, you can run 26.2 on race day (with all the endorphins, excitement and the cheering crowd to get you through the last 10k). I was pretty confident in my ability to run 20 miles. Last week’s 18 miler was almost euphoric and gave me a confidence boost that I didn’t expect. Although I’d heard people say that there’s a huge difference between 18 and 20, I just didn’t believe that the two extra miles would affect me much.

But 20 miles is a really really long run. Especially if you’re running by yourself, which is why I was really appreciative of having the support of TNT. Last week’s 18 miler went by so quickly with the help and conversation of my fellow teammate Abby and coach Rhonda. I was looking forward to having some company to help pass the miles and share this training experience with. I almost talked myself out of going that morning because I was so cold and tired, but the thought of having some running companionship got me out the door. So, you can imagine my shock and disappointment to show up at Forest Park at 6:45 am Saturday morning to no TNT.

Cancelled? Seriously? This can’t be happening. I know the weather had been bad the last few days, but I got no email, no phone call, no indication that the group run would be cancelled. We’d been told that they only cancel for really bad weather (dangerous conditions) – it was 16 degrees, but not snowing or raining. I’d run in much worse weather than this. Where was everyone?? How did they know it was cancelled? Was there a hotline or something? It didn’t even cross my mind that the run would be cancelled. I couldn’t believe it!! I waited impatiently in the Visitor’s Center until 7:10 when I was absolutely convinced no one else would show up and decided to try to do the 20 miles alone. Ugh.

The first few miles were spent fuming. I was very angry with TNT and very nervous that I wouldn’t be able to do the whole 20 miles by myself. It was cold, I was still sick, Forest Park is really hilly. Whine, whine, whine…I know. But after a while, running does something (chemically, I guess) to you as you start to get into a groove. By mile 4 I was feeling a lot better, less bitter, and decided to just HTFU and get the 20 miles done. I didn’t want to go home and face telling Ryan (and all of you) that I couldn’t do 20 miles because I was cold and lonely. It was not an option.

The trails in the park were too icy to run on, so I ran in the streets – the same basic loop that I ran with Jenn and Victoria a few weeks earlier. I took my time and explored a few streets that I’ve never tried and stretched my first loop (usually about 5.7 miles) out to about 9 miles. Not bad. I stopped by my car and loaded my pockets with more Sport Beans, more tissues, and a large water bottle. The sun was starting to come out and it was getting a little warmer. I decided to run to Clayton via Wydown (a gorgeous street lined with enormous beautiful houses) and then back to the park through Washington University campus. Since the sidewalks were not cleared, I had to stick to the road and ended up running through some beautiful neighborhoods and side streets.

My mind was really wandering at this point. Here’s a list of some of the things running through my head: (1) I wonder if Chris and Lindsey had a nice dinner at McD’s last weekend? What did they order? (2) What am I going to wear to Paige’s bridal shower next weekend…and I still need to get a card for the gift. (3) I really want to see Brooke sometime soon…I’m worried about her. (4) Why is this song on my iPod? I hate Pink Floyd. Ryan and I need to go to more concerts. I wonder who’s going to be at Riverport this summer? (5) I need to get some new running shoes asap – how long does it take to break in new shoes? I wonder if they’re open on Sundays? Oh, I hope they have pink ones. (6) I wonder if I’m going to feel good enough to go bowling tonight? If I beg, maybe they’ll let me bowl in my Uggs. I think I’ll wear pajamas the rest of the weekend. (7) Wow, I like that house…it’s huge…very pretty…I want to live there...I wonder how much it costs? I bet their utility bills are outrageous. (8) What am I going to eat for lunch? What am I hungry for? How about french fries, sushi, tomato soup, an omelet, pizza, fruit, chinese food, bagels, Panini, chips, donuts, veggie burger, salad, and cookies? That should be enough. (9) I’m so excited about my trip to Cabo San Lucas with the girls in April and to Florida with Ryan in May. Sunshine!! Must buy new bikini. Can’t wait to get a pedicure. New sandals! A daiquiri sounds really good right now. (10) Why are the miles going by so damn slow?! Am I finished yet??

Around mile 14 I knew I was running very slow – the hills were tough and I felt as if I was carrying 10 extra pounds with all my gear, sweaty clothes and water bottles – but I wasn’t really concerned with time…right? From the start of my training, I decided that I just wanted to run the marathon “to finish.” No time goal in mind, just a good run and a good overall experience. Since it’s my first marathon, whatever my time would be was guaranteed to be a PR. But at times like this, the competitive side of me comes out. I know myself well enough to know that on race day, I’ll be pushing myself to go faster because I don’t like getting passed. I will be aiming for a time goal, whether I want to admit it or not. So, the question becomes, do I set a time goal for myself for the race? If I set one, there’s a chance that I’ll push myself too hard to try to meet the goal and end up not having a great overall experience. And if I don’t make the time, I’ll be incredibly disappointed in myself…even though I finished a full marathon (which was all I wanted to do in the first place). On the other hand, it’s really motivating and encouraging to have a goal. And if I can be realistic (and not set my goal too fast) it would feel that much better when I meet the goal. I go back and forth with the concept. I just don’t know what to do…

At mile 17 I realized I was starting to get closer and closer to my car. This was bad. I knew that if I was close to the car, I would be tempted to stop a little early and not do the full 20 miles. “18’s good enough, right?” So, I turned around and tried to make the trip back a little longer…which didn’t quite work out the way I hoped. At mile 18.5 I passed my car. It was about this time that I mentally and physically lost the desire to keep running. My legs really hurt. My feet were soaking wet, frozen and hurting, with every step feeling like they were being pounded into the pavement. I could feel two massive blisters throbbing on my toes. My saving grace was Tom Petty’s “Running Down a Dream,” which came on my iPod at that moment. Listening to the words and knowing that I was running down my own dream got me to mile 19. And then I wanted to cry again. I tried to think about all the reasons I was doing this…for myself, for Ryan Brown, for all the Leukemia and Lymphoma patients and survivors that my fundraising would help. And I can honestly say that none of that really helped me…unfortunately. Actually, what got me through that last mile was the thought of lunch. I was SO hungry! The quicker I finished, the quicker I could eat!! Bring on the food!! Yes, it’s selfish, I know, but it worked.

I finished mile 20 about one hundred feet from my car. I walked very very slowly to the car and sat in the backseat for about half an hour, watching my legs twitch and trying to keep myself from throwing up. I felt terrible. After a Gatorade I finally felt good enough to drive myself home, although I was terrified that my legs would cramp up and hit the gas/breaks and cause an accident. Once home, I made myself another miserable ice bath. I can’t believe that something that hurts so much can actually be good for you. But amazingly, my legs felt great afterwards! Ryan and I had a nice lunch of soup and sandwiches and then I went back to bed for a wonderful nap.

20 miles down. I can do this marathon! Here are my super slow splits:

1 10:53

2 10:50

3 11:00
4 11:17

5 11:32

6 10:44

7 11:48

8 10:43

9 11:05

10 11:41

11 12:04

12 11:27

13 12:20

14 11:34

15 11:59

16 12:03

17 11:42

18 11:56

19 12:46

20 12:32

Weekly recap:

Monday: 4.0 miles

Friday: 5. 0

Saturday: 20.o

Total: 29.1 miles

Catch of a Lifetime!

If you’ve ever met Ryan, you know how passionate he is about fly fishing. He lives and breathes fly fishing. He's gone after everything from tarpon to bass, but is fish of choice, is a trout, be it a Rainbow, Brown, Brooke or Cutthroat. He ties all his own flies; he reads only fly fishing books and magazines; he watches fly fishing on TV; he practices casting in the yard; he named his canoe "The Trout Stalker;" and he has a collection of fly rods that put my handbag collection to shame. He’s been a serious fly fisherman for over 10 years. He’s been on numerous fly fishing trips to Colorado, Pennsylvania, Montana, Florida, Arkansas, and will conquer Alaska this summer.

And after all of this, he’s still never caught his "dream fish." He’s been close more than a dozen times. He’s missed them, he’s hooked them, he’s battled them, he’s let his friends have the opportunity instead, but they’ve always gotten away from him. Don’t get me wrong…he’s caught a million absolutely beautiful large worthy fish that anyone would be more than proud of, but there’s always the potential for more. There’s always the "one" that got away.

This past weekend, Ryan and his buddies went to Arkansas for their annual "Beer Drinking, Trout Fishing Arkansas Man’s Weekend" (that’s my title, not theirs). Every year they go and have a great and manly time, but Ryan comes home once-again disappointed that someone else caught "the big fish." He usually catches "the most fish" (because he’s very talented), but that’s never good enough. So you can imagine my surprise when I get a message on Saturday exclaiming, "I CAUGHT THE FISH OF MY LIFE!!!"

Meet Walter:

After hooking Walter once and having the fish throw the fly, my most persistent boyfriend stalked, hunted and landed him again. His dream fish!! I am SO proud!! Walter (as Ryan’s father has affectionately named him) is a Brown Trout, wild (not stocked) to the White River in upper Arkansas. Although they didn’t have a tape measure, it’s estimated that Walter weighed nearly 25 pounds!!! This is calculated from some generic scientific formula based on the fish being about 34 inches long with a 22 inch girth. He was caught on a 10 foot 5 weight Sage Z-Axis rod with 4 pound tippet, which is incredibly hard to do without snapping the line. And no, he didn’t keep Walter. Ryan’s strictly catch-and-release, which means he’ll live to be caught another day.

Ryan, I am so incredibly happy for you!! You deserve this more than anyone!! And although this may be your biggest fish so far, you have a lifetime of incredible catches ahead of you.

Week # 14

This was a very tough week for me. As you can probably tell from my last post, I’m in desperate need of inspiration right now. I’ve really been struggling with staying motivated and on track with my running schedule. I just didn’t want to run this week. I’m not sure whether it’s the cold dreary weather or just burning out from so much running. Perhaps a combination of the two. I haven’t been able to get outside for many of my runs and the treadmill definitely takes a toll on my spirits.

I had a rough week at work. And that was coupled with (or the cause of) me skipping a handful of runs during the week. I was so completely stressed out about work and my training. By Wednesday I was at the end of my rapidly fraying rope and that night I had a meltdown. I just didn’t want to continue with the training schedule or run the marathon. Whether I could do it or not wasn’t the point, I just didn’t want the stress of it anymore. It was just causing problems and beating me up. So I decided to take a few days off and get ready for Saturday’s long run.

Thursday evening, Valentine’s Day, was spent home alone watching crappy reruns on TV and eating everything in the house. Ryan left earlier that day for a long weekend of trout fishing in Arkansas with the boys. I usually love being home alone, having time to myself to relax, read, and watch my favorite shows. But this night was just lonely. I hate to admit that I moped around and pouted about being alone, but that’s exactly what I did. Nothing like a stupid “romantic” holiday to make you feel sorry for yourself. And then Friday I woke up feeling sick again. Congestion, sneezing, coughing, achy body, and fever. This scared me to death. I could not afford to get sick this close to the marathon. I took loads of vitamins, ate soup and bananas, drank plenty of fluids, took two Airborne and prayed.

All week I couldn’t stop thinking about (dreading) my 18 mile long run scheduled for Saturday morning. For some reason, this 18 mile run has been making me so nervous and scared. I had no problem with last week’s 16 miler and felt great afterwards, but 18 was a different story. This run would be my longest and hardest to date. It was a mental obstacle for me. I needed to be well-rested and hydrated. This was the one time I felt really confident that I could run it. I knew I could do the distance, I just didn’t want to. I wanted to give up and go back to bed. Where was my motivation?

Friday night my mom and Anna came to visit and spent the night with me. We had a nice dinner of tortellini and breadsticks, birthday cupcakes and gelato, then we played a few games and went to bed early. I was still feeling sick, tired and nervous. And of course, I couldn’t sleep at all that night. I woke up at 1:00, 2:30, 3:30 and finally I just got out of bed around 4:30 am. My run was at 7:00 and as I sat in the living room eating my breakfast, I tried to come up with any possible excuse not to go. I was so tired. I felt absolutely terrible. I knew I was sick again. It looked so cold and dark outside. My spirits were completely broken. I forced myself to get dressed. I got in the car with tears in my eyes.

I felt a little better when I pulled up the trail-head and saw all the other TNT runners. There were more people than I expected. A new group had joined that just started their training for the San Diego Rock and Roll Marathon…newbies. When we were going over the distances we would each be running that day, I felt very proud to say I would be running 18 miles. And to my surprise, some of the other runners looked at me with excitement and awe. My heart absolutely lit up – I was so proud of myself at that moment. I couldn’t believe that just a few months ago I was in their place, running my 4-5 mile long run and admiring the runners that were close to their marathons and going super long distances that I only dreamed of. At that moment I realized just how far I have come and knew there was no way I wouldn’t finish this marathon.

I paired up with another girl who would be doing 14 miles that morning and also training for the St. Louis full marathon, Abby. What a blast I had running with this girl! We talked about everything from boys, to books, to Build-A-Bear, to bridesmaid dresses in our 14 miles together. I didn’t want to the run to end! When she finished her run, I turned around and headed back out on the course to get in 4 more miles. My coach Rhonda joined me for a while and I attempted to make small talk as my legs burned and my feet ached. She is so encouraging and got me through to the end! I finished my 18 miles in 3:12:15, with the following splits:

1 10:39
2 10:35
3 10:26
4 10:35
5 10:33
6 10:35
7 10:31
8 11:01
9 10:26
10 10:23
11 10:40
12 10:30
13 10:51
14 10:31
15 10:56
16 10:42
17 11:22
18 10:38

I got home and gave myself a 15 minute ice bath. I think the bath was more painful than the run! But after my steaming hot shower, I felt absolutely refreshed. My legs didn’t hurt at all – what a miracle! Mom, Anna and I treated ourselves to lunch and shopping. Easter came a little early, as you can tell from the pictures. And yes, you saw correctly, a new pair of bunny slippers, to make her fast!!

Weekly recap:

Tuesday: 5.0 miles
Wednesday: 5.0
Friday: 2.0
Saturday: 18.0

Total: 30.0 miles

I also got some fantastic and inspiring news...Marion finished her first marathon, Myrtle Beach Bi-Lo Marathon, Saturday morning with a time of 4 hours and 6 minutes!!! That is FAST!! I'm so incredibly proud of you Marion!! You have been such an inspiration to me. I know I'll never be able to beat a time like that, but you've helped me realize what's possible with hard work and determination. And Tim finished the Run the Reagan Half Marathon, his first half marathon, with a time of 1:55:46!! That is also FAST!! He had a great race - which is obvious b/c Tim's already scouting out the location of his first full marathon! I'm so proud of both of you two!! You are my heros!!

Why?

Run, run, run. It seems that running has literally taken over my life lately. And I’m sure most of you think I’m absolutely crazy. Not too long ago, I would have agreed. All the time I hear from people that they just don’t understand. The most frequent comment I get when I tell people I’m training for a marathon is "Why?" Why put yourself through the pain, the sacrifice, the blisters, and the fatigue? There’s just something about running that non-runners don’t get. But to me, running is unbelievably amazing! You don’t have to be good at it - you don’t have to be fast. I recently read a quote from runner Kristen Armstrong from an article she wrote for Runner's World that summed up a lot of how I feel about running (slightly modified):

"…Something else entered my mind as I grunted through the final miles to finish 4 minutes slower than my PR. Something between gratitude and epiphany on the realization scale. I realized that I am out here, most days of every week, pursuing something that does not come naturally or easily to me. And I have been doing this for 5 years. Never in my life, before running, did I ever push hard after something that did not rank high on the list of things that come easily to me. I have always aspired to/excelled at things that I was already good at. This probably stems from fear, pride, laziness or some perfection compulsion. But running isn't like that for me. It's hard for me. I struggle. I suffer. I get discouraged. I get mad. I celebrate, sometimes. And when I chase after a zippy friend, it's not because I suck, it's because they don't. It isn't [a natural passion] of mine, and that is okay with me, because I love it anyway. I love it the way you love a rivalrous sibling, deep tissue massage, a session with your therapist, giving birth, or a big fight with someone you love. It doesn't always feel good in the moment, but ultimately you are a better person for it. So I may not always run the way I want to run, race the way I imagine myself racing, and my performance outside may only rarely reflect the runner on the inside, but there is a certain endurance rush reserved for those of us who have to work extra hard just to stand on the start line and dream."

I could never explain the "Why?" of running or how it’s changed my life. So, I’ll let Madeline explain it. Although I have yet to met her, Madeline is the younger sister of my good friend Alice. Alice and I met in law school and she is my running hero and guru. Madeline is a student at Xavier University and will be running the Chicago Marathon with Alice and the rest of their family in October.

Madeline’s New Cure-all Elixir
By: Madeline LaFave

What if I told you that I was using a miracle drug that can remedy obesity, depression, drug addiction, smoker’s lung, sleep troubles and many other impediments affecting your daily life? What if I told you that this drug can get you high, make you happy, improve your academic and social life and make your body run like a machine? And what if I told you that this drug was free and legal? Would you do it?

My name is Madeline and I am mild-to-moderately addicted to running. I come from a family of non-runners. Athletes, yes, but none of us have the lean, bony, fatless body that typical runners have. My siblings and I stuck to contact sports in high school, and all four of us began running in college to stay in shape. All three siblings have completed at least one marathon, including my brother who qualified for and ran the Boston Marathon.

I began running half-marathons my freshman year of college, and four or five later, I am ready to train for my first full. I quickly found out that running is neither easy nor boring, as I had once perceived it to be in high school, yet it has the potential to be the most energizing, spiritual, relaxing or challenging part of my day. My self-esteem and confidence sky-rocket during marathon training.My life changed drastically when I committed myself to the sport, and I have an intense desire to share this passion with others.

To those of you who feel unworthy of this miracle drug, I address you specifically.

For the over-stressed and over-worked: Studies have shown that distance running does wonders on the brain. Anxieties become mere annoyances on a run and are put out of the mind. Running provides the perfect mental environment to work out problems. It is one of the most efficient workouts for the schedule-oriented, giving you solid exercise in the least amount of time. Making time for this daily run will force you to improve time-management skills, therefore time is utilized more effectively.

For the smokers: It has been proven that even smokers can recover full lung potential through running. What an awesome gift. There is about 50 percent unused lung potential that can be utilized when running.

For the drug-users: There’s a well-known phenomena in the runner world called the "runner’s high." The runner’s high occurs when the natural chemical Anandamide crosses the blood-brain barrier, creating feelings commonly associated with those of Tetrahydrocannabinol—feelings of euphoria, relaxation and cessation of pain. Last week I spoke with a professional who described the runner’s high as similar to the endorphin high of heroin.

Finally, for the scared: If you have a desire to begin running, that is the first step. The hardest part is getting out the door. Throw on some athletic clothes and shoes and run up and down campus a few times if that is what fatigues you at first. Read up on tips for beginning runners online, head to the gym and try it out on a treadmill or enlist a friend to try it with you. The main thing is to get started and later you can define your goals more clearly.

So drug-addicts, smokers, fatties, skinnies, downers and normal people unite! Try out my drug to solve nearly any problem. Come on, everybody’s doing it!

Week # 13

Short report this week - not a lot going on. My runs were good, a total of 37.5 miles, with my long run coming in at 16 miles! Way to go, me!! Nothing very exciting or interesting to report. I’m still very nervous about the marathon. I passed the "two months to go" point earlier this week and had a moment of sheer panic at the idea of running 26.2 miles. It’s funny how I can go from feeling very confident and strong one day to a total terrified meltdown the next. And with the weather being this dark and miserable, I'm just not motivated or feeling very confident. Ryan keeps talking to me about making plans for some kind of celebration lunch/dinner after the marathon, and I’m just not sure I can do it. I'm freaked out about the whole thing. I’m so nervous that I might not finish and I’ll be a wreck. And I’m nervous that I will finish and still be a wreck! I know finishing will be an amazing feeling and I’ll be on Cloud 9, but it’s so hard to know how my body will react and how I’ll feel afterwards. Either way, I’m not sure if I want to plan anything just yet.

My big exciting news this week was my trip to Chicago. For my birthday last month, Ryan bought us train tickets to Chicago and a weekend at the W Hotel, Lakeshore. We left Friday afternoon and boarded our train around 3:00, business class. The train took 5 hours and 40 minutes to arrive in downtown Chicago (only 40 more minutes than driving). We really enjoyed the train. Although it’s not as fast as flying, it was really nice having the time to read, work, talk, be able to walk around, and not have to deal with security check-ins, baggage, parking, cramped legs, etc. We dropped off our bags at the hotel and went to dinner at the Signature Room, on the 95th floor of the John Hancock building. We had a great table overlooking the lake and Navy Pier, although it was too cloudy to see much. The food was great and we had the most fantastic bottle of wine, Witness Tree pinot noir. You must try it.

Saturday morning I decided to postpone my long run and sleep in. I was so nervous that the run would be miserably cold (it was 5 degrees and snowy) and just too exhausting and draining. I wanted to be able to enjoy our weekend getaway and not have to beg Ryan to let me go back to the hotel at 7:00 pm to go to sleep. Ryan’s been so good to me with my training and spent a lot of money on the trip, I didn’t want to ruin it for him. So we slept in! It was fabulous! Once we got moving that morning, we had a great lunch at a little café close to the theatre. And then we saw Wicked, at the Oriental. I really thought it was great. I read the book a few years ago, which I thought was complicated and dark, but the musical was funny and light. The plot lines were very different from the book, which of course bothered me, and I wasn’t familiar with the music, but all in all, I thought it was good. Saturday night we met up with Ryan’s brother and his girlfriend for dinner (at the Blue Water Grill) and drinks (lots and lots of drinks). :) We ended up dancing the night away! So much fun!

Sunday, the windchill in Chicago was -25 degrees. Yes, NEGATIVE 25 degrees. So we decided to skip the shopping and site seeing for a lazy day at the hotel, which we both really needed and enjoyed. We had a fabulously greasy lunch in bed and watched all kinds of terrible TV. We caught our train that evening and headed home. It was a really great weekend – thank you Ruby, ilyvm.

Weekly recap:
Monday: 4.0 miles
Tuesday: 8.0
Wednesday: 3.0
Thursday: 6.5
Saturday: 16.0

Total: 37.5 miles