Ok friends, I feel like it’s finally time to let you in on a little secret. I’m pregnant. I’m about 15 weeks and due mid-May. Baby Mac is healthy and active and has a serious taco addiction. I’m doing great have never been happier.
You know, I’ve been dreaming of writing this post for nearly three years. And now that it’s finally time that I can shout those incredible words from the rooftops, I find that it’s not that easy to do. Don’t get me wrong, this is the most incredible thing that has ever happened to me, but, it took us a long time to get here. Years filled with pain, heartache, longing, loss, doubt and tears. And sometimes it’s hard to get past that. The pregnancy is the greatest news in the world to my husband and I (and believe me, we're celebrating), but I also know how it felt every time I heard this news from someone else. It was devastating, even if I absolutely loved the person, it hurt every time. It was so hard for me to be happy for anyone when I wanted it for myself so badly. So, it’s taken me a while to put our news out there because I want to be sensitive to everyone else still waiting for their little miracle. I would never want my news to cause anyone else pain or heartache.
That being said, I'm not sure how I would have made it through this past year and everything that happened during it if it weren't for some of the wonderful friends I’ve “met” through this blog. This blog started off as a way for me to document training for my first marathon and has evolved into something that gave me a support system of friends all over the country. Strong women who are also struggling daily with infertility and dreaming of one day holding their own baby in their arms. Some of them are blogging about it (kudos) and some of them have kept their struggles private. Somehow we found each other. We all have our own very individual, unique issues, and having these strong determined women in my life has kept me sane and kept me believing (and even laughing) along the way. I won’t call you guys out, but you know who you are, and I hope you know how much I love and appreciate you. I never felt brave enough to come right out and talk about my struggles on my blog, but someday I hope I can. I think it would help others, even if it’s just by letting them know that they’re not alone. Because one thing I’ve realized is that we definitely aren’t alone. There are so many young women struggling with infertility. It’s a very lonely and isolating experience and I’m grateful to know that I wasn’t the only one dealing with this. And while I wish my friends didn't have these problems, I am selfishly glad I know people who get it. Everyone says it and it's true: You don't get it unless you've been there. And I have been there. And hopefully I can be there for someone else.
Dealing with infertility has forever changed me – for the better, I think. I believe it’s made me more appreciative, more humble, more empathetic, more devout. I’ve learned a lot of lessons in faith and trusting and being patient. It's brought me closer to my husband in a way I never knew was possible and strengthened our relationship, our trust in each other and our love. And I’ve had the chance to share this journey with some amazing friends who will forever be in my heart and my prayers. And in the end, I hope it will make me a better mother, because really, that’s the ultimate goal.
So for now, I just want you to know that I’m good…really really good. Great! This has already been the most incredible experience of my life and I’ve loved every single second of it. I do plan on blogging about my pregnancy – it’s the highlight of my life and I am so excited to be able to share things with friends and family about my pregnancy, the baby, the bump, the nursery, etc. This blog is about my life and my life now revolves around a tiny little thumb-sucking peach-sized miracle. I hope you’ll stick around and share the journey with me, but I also understand that I may lose a few readers along the way that aren’t into all things baby or just can’t handle another pregnancy announcement (believe me, I’ve deleted many a blog from my Google Reader the second someone announced she was pregnant…I understand). So there you have it, friends. Thanks for being along for the ride. It’s going to be a fun one!