Running from the Law: New Mommy Confessions - Part 12

Friday, January 18, 2013

New Mommy Confessions - Part 12

Yay!  Another hilarious installment of New Mommy Confessions here!  Three awesome blogging mommies with some really great stuff.  These are so good!  I am just loving all the confessions coming in and hope you are enjoying them as well.  I'm definitely guilty of a few of these myself.  Thank you Katie, Hannah and Cat for contributing and sharing your experiences with us!  

Katie from Perfectly Us

-I always thought those moms wiping snot off of their kids' noses with their bare hands were NASTAY, but now I take pride in the amount of snot I can get out with a single suck of the bulb syringe. By the way, I still think the bodily functions of other kids are gross, but with mine? Nothing phases me!

-6 days out of 7 I still harbor some serious guilt over the fact that I'm not breastfeeding anymore, but on that 7th day? I'm pretty happy not to be walking around with my tits out all day. Especially now that it's winter! Nonetheless, mommy guilt is a THING. I'll probably nurse my next until they're like 6 or something. Look for me on TIME Magazine.

-I feel like I've failed as a mommy blogger because my kid never wears smocked clothing. Look, I have a hard time spending $50 on a dress for myself, much less one that's going to fit her for a month and get covered in drool, spit up, and baby food.

-My daughter has only been crawling for 3 weeks, but I have to say, I already miss the days of immobility. Things were easier when she wasn't bumping her head every 38 seconds.

-I can't even tell you how many times I've told my husband, "I wish Jaqs would sleep with us!" Co-sleeping was never (and isn't) a part of our "plan," but I'd love to feel her snuggly body against me throughout the night. It would never happen though...the girl won't even let us rock her to sleep. 

-And on that note, I'd always heard that a mother's love was indescribable, and it truly is. I never knew that I could love with every ounce of my being. Definitely the purest form of love I've ever experienced, and it makes me cry just thinking about it. I need to remember this feeling when I have a sassy pre-teen on my hands ;)

Hannah from Charles and BunBun

I'm Hannah with a few confessions of my own.  I've enjoyed all of yours so much I figured it was only fair I dish as well.  To set the stage a bit, Kathryn Alexandra is our first child.

- One day baby Kate was having a particularly challenging time finding the nipple.  She kept rooting around, sucking on her hands, sucking on my arm, sucking on the side of my boob... everywhere except the nipple.  I finally got a little exasperated and told her, "You know, your father has NO problem finding the nipple.  Maybe he could give you some lessons."  Perhaps I need to adjust my parental guidance filter because that content may have been a bit too adult for a 6-week old...

-  I basically sit around topless in the evening because the baby wants to nurse CONSTANTLY after 5pm and it's easier (read: I'm lazy and too tired to care).

-  I sometimes use the baby to give husband directives... "Is Daddy going to be super helpful and take out the trash before he showers?? Yes he is!!"

-  My last hair appointment can be calculated using our daughter's age plus three weeks.  So let's see... she's about 8 weeks right now... therefore 11 weeks ago was my last cut. Oy.

-  I caught my male cat giving baby Kate a bath with his tongue.  Apparently the routine hygiene care I've been providing her is not up to his standards.  Please note: it's probably very easy to find fault when all you do in a day is sit around and be fat + furry.  Her hygiene is just fine, thankyouverymuch.

-  My husband and I were both only children, so the only reason I'm currently contemplating another baby someday??  I have a folder of maternity inspiration pictures saved from Pinterest that I had intended to recreate and self-shoot on Saturday, October 20 when I was 39-weeks.  Kate decided to debut the 19th.  (Pinterest: definition 3; making women want to have more babies with creative crafts, cute-sy photos, and perfect birthday parties.)

>>> The past two holidays that landed on Mondays, I took my daughter to daycare so I could have a Me Day.  I felt terrible about it (still do) but I was SO thankful for being able to pee on my own, watch the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and take a long bath without having to sing or clap a million effin times.

>>> I tell my husband that I can’t change poopie diapers because it will make me throw up or gag so he changes almost all of them.  But here’s the thing, it’s not true.  At all.  I don’t even flinch with poopie diapers; I just don’t like to change them.  I also told him the same thing for the cat box and picking up our dog's poop in the yard.  You are all sworn to secrecy now.

>>> I HATE that I am talking to adults but still use the word poopie (above).  Even worse, when I went back to change the word, I couldn’t think of anything else other than ‘shit’ to replace it with so I erred on the side of lazy and left it poopie.

>>> I have terrible dreams about once a month that someone is in my house to kidnap my daughter.  I will literally wake up every single hour on the hour during the night and go check on her.  We now have an alarm system with way too many cameras on the inside and outside of our house but yet I’m still having that damn dream.  I’m starting to think I just need to stop watching Criminal Minds.  Shit is clearly making me crazy.

>>> Once my baby led weaning child is done making a hugeassmess, I let my dog “clean up” for a while before I, all of a sudden, remember to wipe everything down.  Typically there’s nothing else to clean up.  And then I forget to wipe everything down.  

>>> At exactly 27 weeks my water broke for no rhyme or reason.  I paid a small fortune for my OB to test me and my placenta 13912 different times and everything came back not only normal, but perfect.  Because of that, I am absolutely, positively scared to death to get pregnant again and, honestly, I don’t know if I will be able to do it.  The thought of getting pregnant again and going through THIS  sends me into a panic attack.  To further confess, I know I wouldn’t be happy with just one child.  I want my daughter to have a sibling or even two.  I’m in a nasty little pickle.  And I want to take that pickle and kick it in the nuts.       

>>> I am a super proud working mom.  As in, I could not be a stay at home mom if my life depended on it.  I love my little girl more than anything in the world but DANG, that whole staying at home shit is hard and monotonous.  Hats off to ALL stay at home moms; I’m pretty sure you are all superwoman.   

>>> My daughter is always in only a diaper.  We live in south Florida and it’s hot and gross all the time.  I take her on walks in her stroller in a diaper, I’ve taken her to the grocery store one time to get milk in only a diaper and she even spent 45 minutes in Disney World in only a diaper.  I’m pretty sure she’s going to grow up to become a nudist.  At least I will know why though.       

Catch up on the rest of the New Mommy Confessions series:


  1. I love these! Can't wait to see mine! Also @ Hannah - I laughed out loud at your first confession!

  2. These are so them all!

  3. Thanks for letting me join in on the fun! :) Love these!

  4. Hahaha! I am not a mom, but boy, do I love mommy blogs.
    Thank you for listing ALL of the Mommy Confessions because I just read them all. And I loved it. They are hilarious, honest, and so real! I just want to go out to lunch with all these wonderful women so they can tell me more!
    Love it!!

  5. Hahahah - to Katie- the more snot I suck, the happier I am!! ;)

  6. Can I just say A to the men on the smocked outfits?!?