Running from the Law: Mac Says

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Mac Says

While eating dinner:
Mac: Look how much food I ate. I ate almost all the food. That was a lot of food. Like 80 bites. My tummy's so full it's hot. Smoking hot. I think that means I need to go race. Who wants to race?!!!

Me: Mac, what's your favorite animal?
Mac: Stingray.
Me: What's your favorite color?
Mac: Green.
Me: What's your favorite food?
Mac: Junk.
Me: Mac, do you want to go to the grocery store with me?
Mac: No, I want to stay here with daddy. But how about you bring me home a cookie? 
Me: No, that's no the way it works. You don't get a cookie for staying home. 
Mac: Hmm...well that's going to be a problem. 

Greeting him after getting home from work:
Me: Hi honey, how was your day?
Mac: I'm not your honey, honey.
Mac: When I'm a thousand years old I'm going to be bigger than daddy.
Me: Well, maybe. You'll probably just be dead.
Mac: Yeah, probably because a dinosaur ate me. 

While geocaching around our neighborhood:
Me: I don't know, the next one is pretty far away.
Mac: Don't worry, I can handle it. I promise my butt won't get too tired as I sit in the wagon and you pull me.
Me: Mac, do you want to go with me to vote?
Mac: Do we get to go fishing too?
Me: No, we're going to stop and vote on the way to school.
Mac: Where's the boat?
Me: No, not boat...VOTE with a V, like velociraptor.
Mac: Will there be a velociraptor there?!!!
Me: No, just a place to vote. You just press a button.
Mac: Oh. No thanks.

After voting:
Mac: Well, that was boring. Why do grownups like doing boring stuff? They didn't even have toys or suckers.
When walking him into preschool, to his teacher:
Me: Sorry we're a few minutes late. Traffic.
Mac: It took FOREVER at that stupid stop sign. My mom hates that stupid stop sign. 

After school:
Me: You know, Mim missed you while you're at school. She asks where you are.
Mac: Sometimes I miss Mim when I'm at school. 
Me: Awwww...that's so sweet.
Mac: Well, I only missed her that one time. 
Mac: Hey mama, do you want to play that racing game with me?
Me: No honey, I don't really want to play right now.
Mac: It's ok that you're a really bad driver.

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Mac: Daddy.
Me: You want to be a daddy?
Mac: No, my daddy.
Me: Do you know what your daddy does for work?
Mac: He's a grown-up so he has to go to meetings. It's so boring.
Me: What do you want to do today?
Mac: Let's go to Florida!
Me: That would be so much fun.
Mac: But Mim can't go. No sisters allowed.
Me: Can I go? Did you know that I'm someone's sister?
Mac: You're a sister? Ewwwwwww!!!
Me: What do you want for lunch?
Mac: Peanut butter and jelly!
Me: We're out of bread, sorry.
Mac: Ok. Guess I'll probably just starve then.

While attempting to tell him a joke:
Me: Knock knock.
Mac: Knock knock.
Me: No, I say 'knock knock' and you say 'who's there?'
Me: Knock knock.
Mac: Knock knock.
Me: Ok, who's there?
Mac: Who's there?
Me: Banana.
Mac: I DON'T WANT A BANANA!!
Me: Never mind.
During dinner:
Me: Eat your chicken.
Mac: How many bites?
Me: All of it. 
Mac: If I eat 80 bites of chicken can I have a cookie?
Me: 80 bites? Yes, probably.
Mac: How about 2?
Me: No.
Mac: Life's not fair.
While building a leprechaun trap:
Me: You know, leprechauns are really fast and sneaky. It's not easy to catch one.
Mac: I'm really fast too. Probably faster than a leprechaun.
Me: Well, don't be disappointed if we don't get one.
Mac: I think we will. And I'm going to keep him in the basement in a cage with my crickets and get him out and have races with him. I'll feed him potatoes and let him have all his friends over for dance parties.
Me: Hmmmm...
While picking out our nightly movie...
Me: How about The Good Dinosaur?
Mim: Arlo!! Arlo!! Dinosaur!!
Mac: I don't want to watch that movie, I want to watch the movie with the Iguanodon, where the the Quetzalcoatlus drops the egg and the  Xenotarsosaurus has all those teeth and the Diplodocus jumps up and eats those leaves and sneezes and the the Yingshanosaurus is really thirsty and the Coelophysis chases them away. You know, that one.
Me: Okay...
After nap:
Me: Hey, I think the neighbor girls are outside. Do you want to go out and play with them?
Mac: Ugh. I guess. They all want to play with me and I only want to play with Molly. 
Me: Hmmm...it must be hard being so popular.
Mac: Yeah, it really is. 

To Mim while he thinks I'm not listening...
Mac: Mim, do you want a cookie? Say you want a cookie. Do you want a cookie? Tell mommy you want a cookie. Cookie? Cookie?
Mim: COOKIE! COOKIE! COOKIE! COOKIE! COOKIE! 
Mac: Mama, Mimmy really wants a cookie and she ate all her food so we should get each get one. She's such a good eater. And I love her. 
At pre-school drop-off:
Me: Try to have a good day at school.
Mac: I'll try, but I'd rather just stay home and eat cookies all day. 
Me: Me too, kid.

At bedtime:
Mac: How about we read 5 books and 3 songs. 
Me: Two books and 1 song.
Mac: 7 books and 18 songs.
Me: 1 book and 1 song.
Mac: 1,000 books and 80 songs.
Me: 0 books and 0 songs.
Mac: A MILLION BOOKS!!
Me: I don't think you quite understand how negotiations work yet.
Mac: Am I winning?
Me: I love you, honey.
Mac: Yeah, I know. You say that all the time.  


31 comments:

  1. I literally laughed out loud at these. Mac is too funny! He is so quick witted. I can't even pick a favorite. So funny!

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  2. Hahaha I love these!! My favorite "you're a sister?? Eww"

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  3. Dying!!! Things kids say will forever be my favorite!! I love that his favorite food is junk. Junk is the best!! haha. And so ewwww that you're someone's sister. He's hilarious!!!

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  4. I love these kind of posts. You know never what they will so documenting it is so fun. He only missed Mim that one day... poor Mim just wants to be loved.

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  5. I am dying. Mac is absolutely hysterical!

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  6. Mac is pretty brilliant because A. Being an adult is boring B. I wouldn't get tired of anyone pulling me around while I sat in a wagon and C. Well he is just adorable and it sounds like that stop sign really is stupid. Love these - can't wait to hear what mumbo my child of few words will one day say. We just mastered Owe (as in ouchie) so ya know, slow goes over here.

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  7. Okay Sara he is seriously the funniest kid. I laughed out loud so many times. What an imagination. Ha ha!

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  8. Ok Mac is seriously the funniest kid! I laughed out loud about his butt not getting tired as you pull him in the wagon!!!

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  9. These are always my favorite! Mac is a little smartie pants! Already knows being an adult sucks and to use the cute little sister to ask for the cookies.

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  10. Mac is a marketing genius! I bet if there were treats a lot more people would vote! Haha, he's too much!

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  11. can mac be my best friend? he's hilarious!

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  12. Oh my goodness!!!! The most adorable blog post ever! And what a beautiful family you have! Mac is HILARIOUS! You've got your hands full!!

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  13. He is seriously hilarious!!! I love the one where he tries to convince you that Mim wants a cookie and that he needs one too and that his butt won't get tired of sitting while you pull him in the wagon. LOL. So clever!

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  14. Hahaha!!! What a funny kid! I love that his favorite food is junk. ;-)

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  15. Mac has to keep you rolling, he's hilarious.
    Maybe more people would vote if they handed out suckers instead of stickers?
    And once he gets the concept of negotiation down, watch out!

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  16. He is hilarious! Junk food is my favorite type of food also!!!!!

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  17. These are so cute and funny!!! I read them to my husband last night and then we went and found your other Mac Says posts because they are just so hilarious. I have a 20 month old and another boy on the way and I'm sure I'm in for it. My little guy already cracks me up. Thanks for sharing!

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  18. I do this at times for my son Simon, but I never seem to remember the things he says. Mac sounds hilarious! And he must really love dinosaurs!

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  19. Too funny! I can see cookies are quite a big deal in Mac's world. I feel like he and I would get along. So funny he uses Mim as a pawn in his quest for cookies, yet she's not allowed in Florida ;) And I love your bluntness on him living to a thousand: You'll probably just be dead. Best to manage expectations while they're still young.

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  20. What a funny kid! I feel the same way about cookies, and I love that he even tried to help his little sister get a cookie haha.

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  21. Sara! These are all so amazing. Mac just cracks me up. Especially the one about his butt not getting sore while you pull him! And the treat from the store conversation happens daily in our house. Liam is devastated if I happen to come home without something for him.

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  22. My favorite posts! That kid is a hoot!

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  23. absolutely hilarious. thank you for sharing.

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  24. "I'm not your honey, honey" lol I enjoy that it seems his go-to number is 80. Lily's is 45. Everrrrything is 45...bites, minutes, barbies, days, etc. ;)

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  25. He is literally the funniest! I love that you keep up with these!

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  26. This post killed me. I can't wait for this stage! This one takes the cake though...
    "Me: Try to have a good day at school.
    Mac: I'll try, but I'd rather just stay home and eat cookies all day.
    Me: Me too, kid."
    Isn't that all of us!?

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  27. Mac will be a great attorney with those negotiation skills... and he will ensure that grown up meetings are never ever boring!!

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  28. My favorite food is junk too!

    He's sooo funny! Sophie's really starting to talk, but she really only talks in words not sentences. So she's more of a comic relief toddler now. The other day I accidentally farted when laughing and Sophie said ewwww and it made me laugh harder.

    Sophie must be learning her negotiation skills from Mac. She's become an incredible negotiator much to my chagrin.
    liz @ j for joiner

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