Running from the Law: I am Tiger Woods...

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I am Tiger Woods...

Or perhaps I'm a cross between Tiger Woods and Elle Woods...

Back in July, I took my first golf lesson with a pro at Tapiwingo. This was something I’ve been talking about doing forever, but have never got around to. Ryan finally made the appointment for me and that was that.

I actually played golf in high school, if you can believe it. I’d never even picked up a golf club before signing up. I don’t know what I was thinking. I was a terrible golfer and placed dead last in every single event we had (although I had a lot of fun (and met cute boys) doing it!). At the end of the season I did receive the “Most Improved Player” trophy from my coach, but let’s face it, it was only because I had nowhere to go but up! Over the last 12 years, I’ve probably played golf a handful of times, and I’m still not any good. Most of the time I hit the ball. And most of the time it kinda goes straight. I like golfing when I do well, but that’s hardly ever. Mainly, I like playing because I have pink clubs, pink shoes, a pink bag and pink balls – they make for a very cute ensemble.

Anyway, a lesson was in order. My instructor, the local golf “pro” had me hit a dozen balls on the driving range and watched what I was doing. Then we spent the next 45 minutes correcting everything I was doing wrong (which was everything). With a few corrections, I was starting to hit pretty well. However, the more corrections I needed to make, the more there was to think about. Finally, with a million things to correct, I guess I got so overwhelmed I was practically paralyzed. I could barely get through my swing b/c I’d think of something else I was “supposed” to be doing different. By the end I had two massive blisters on my thumbs and a very bruised ego. Golf sucked.

After a couple weeks of healing (mentally and physically), Ryan and I went and played 9 holes so I could put my new skills to use. I’d been thinking about all the stuff I was supposed to do and already was getting overwhelmed and stressed. After explaining this situation to a friend, he told me to try not thinking about everything, and just hit the ball (i.e. do not take eleven practice swings before hitting) (thanks Jamie). So, when Ryan and I got to the first tee, I stepped right up and my first drive off the tee box was the hardest, straightest, most awesome drive I’ve ever hit. Woo hoo!! Those lessons worked!! Well, of course, that was too good to be true. I then proceeded to go back to my usual sucky game and scored about an 84 on nine holes. Luckily Ryan gave me “symbolic” scores, which looked more like this: ♥∑∞¤¶◊∆ K *+^~?

This past Saturday, I joined forces with Heather, Jacquie and Julie to round out the most beautiful and awesome foursome that has ever competed in the Annual Charter Golf Tournament. What we lacked in skills on the course, we made up for in laughter, beer drinking and poor golf cart driving. This is the second year that we’ve taken on this challenge and I think we may have even improved from last year. We were the only all female team, which I think should have won us a prize outright, but ended up having some definite advantages. Aren’t we a great looking team?!

Between the 4 of us, we’re almost a good team. :) We all contribute something different and we all have a great time playing together (which is really all that matters, right?). Heather is the team captain, since she’s in charge (and the only one of us that actually works for Charter). She takes care of all the arrangements and most importantly, she brings the jello shots and bloody mary mixings. She is also style/fashion coordinator of the day and makes us all look better, just be being on the team. Plus, she's no slack...Heather’s got game. She’s got a knack for finding and using the cart paths to her advantage (smart girl) on drives and she’s pretty wicked on the green.

Jacquie is our powerhouse player. She might start off a little slow, but by the 3rd hole, she’s absolutely crushing the ball and putting us all to shame. Jacquie’s using a 9 iron when the rest of us are still using fairway woods. J Jacquie might be the only one of us with actual golfing talent – I think she’s a natural. With a lesson or 2, she could probably make the Tour. For real.

Julie is our ace in the hole. She’s at a bit of a disadvantage, being a lefty playing with right-handed clubs, but she pulls through some pretty fantastic shots. She comes through at the exact right moments with shots of pure genius that baffle me. Seriously, how does she do it? I think she likes to take her time and hits last so she can watch all of us screw up and learns from our mistakes. Julie’s hit of the day was the most amazing chip shot off the tee box and that landed directly onto the green. This won her the female “Closest to the Pin” award!!

As for me, I like to play the part of the team coach…passing along my years of accumulated knowledge and mad skillz, yo. I give the other girls tips and pointers on lining up the ball, club selection, stance, appropriate knee-bending, etc. They probably hate me. Of course, I’m not any good, so who knows if I’m helping them or making them worse. I actually played ok this weekend. Much to my absolute dismay, I had a couple of pretty nice shots. My chipping was better than usual, and I was crushing the ball with my driver.
Check out that concentration!
I had one ridiculously smashing drive (you know, the kind that makes that PING sound, almost like shattering glass) on a super long par 5. Turns out that it was the hole for the “Longest Drive” award. And guess what…yours truly took home the trophy!! (See, I told you there was an advantage of being female in a nearly all male tourney. Plus, we got rained out pretty quickly after we played this hole, so maybe no one else had the opportunity to beat me. But, whatever.)

All in all, it was a wonderful day!


  1. Looks like you girls had a good time golfing. Love all the argyle!

    I didn't see an email address on your profile, but I wanted to respond to your question on the pumpkin roll. So, totally off topic from your golf post BUT:

    The pumpkin roll is soooo yummy. I have to make at least two for my family everything Thanksgiving because my brother eats nearly an entire one by himself. If you don't have a jelly roll pan, you can use a large, shallow sheet pan. I think a standard jelly roll pan is 10x15 and about an inch deep. Anything close to that should work. Check out TJ Maxx, HomeGoods or someplace like that and you can probably find something cheap. (I don't use mine for anything but the pumpkin roll!) If you just follow the directions on the can of Libby's pumpkin, it's pretty easy to do. My only tip would be to make sure to use lots of powdered sugar on the towel when you're rolling it up otherwise the pumpkin roll will stick to the towel and tear when you unroll it.

    If you try it, let me know how it turns out!

  2. Those cutie cute outfits actually make me want to learn how to golf. My Mom is constantly after me to go with her.

  3. LOVE that you hate bikes too!! Y'all look so cute! And clearly, that's what matters.

    I can't golf. I can't even MINIATURE golf!