Running from the Law: I do NOT want a Hippopotamus for Christmas

Saturday, December 5, 2009

I do NOT want a Hippopotamus for Christmas

Don't you just love that song?  I do!  I sing it proudly every year and I mean every word. 

There's lots of room for him in our two-car garage
I'd feed him there and wash him there and give him his massage.

I can see me now on Christmas morning,
creeping down the stairs
Oh what joy and what surprise
when I open up my eyes
to see a hippo hero standing there!

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles or rhinoceroseses
I only like hippopotamuseses
And hippopotamuses like me too!

For years and years I've been convinced that hippopotamuses like me too.  I'm an animal person.  I like to give out treats and table food.  I'm likable, right?  This is how I've been picturing me with my hippo...

Don't we look happy?  And hippos are SO cute.  We've been raised to believe that hippo are very sweet large (yet graceful) animals.  You remember the dancing ballerina hippos from Fantasia. 

Remember this big lovable hippo from Madagascar?

And you've all seen kissy-kissy hippo pictures.  They're such romantics.

And baby hippos are just about the cutest thing EVER.

Don't you just want one so bad?  I did.  UNTIL I watched this hippo show on the Discovery Channel.  It started off like this...

Mama hippo and baby hippo are in love.  They're bonding over these first few months.  They play together.  They eat together.  Mama watches baby hippo sleep.  Mama teaches baby everything.  She's the best mama in the whole wide world.  Baby loves mama.  Mama loves baby.  Awww.

  Enter BAD bad horny angry male hippo.  Grrrrrr.

Male hippo wants to mate with mama hippo (so typical).  Baby hippo is in the way.  Mama hippo protects baby hippo.  Mama to the rescue.

And THEN...

Mama hippo runs away, male hippo attacks baby and baby hippo dies. 


What kind of eff-ed up show kills the baby?  Are you kidding me?  Screw this shit.  I do NOT want anything to do with these hideous beasts.  You can keep your damn hippo, Santa.  To hell with that.


  1. I big puffy heart that song. It's one of my holiday ringtones...the FI doesn't like it so much, haha.

  2. I LOVE that song! It is honestly my absolute favorite Christmas song. I sing it at the top of my lungs and the people in ear range just get to suffer! However, I agree, F having a real hippo.

  3. Laughing so hard!! It's so true, hippos are f-ing mean. Mean, mean, mean!!