Another month has passed and you are one step closer to becoming a kid and not a baby, which simultaneously breaks my heart and fills it with excitement. I know that at only 3 months old the thought of you growing up and leaving me sounds silly, but the days/weeks/months are just passing so quickly right now, I can barely get over the fact that I'm not still pregnant. Next thing I know you'll be raiding my closet and asking to borrow the car keys. I'M NOT READY!!
You have changed so much over the past few weeks, right before our eyes. It's been amazing to see you get bigger and watch your personality emerge. You are such a sweetheart and a very easy-going happy baby. Thank you for that. You have really started smiling like crazy over the last couple weeks and nothing makes me happier these days than to elicit one of your big gummy grins. You save them for those you love and we all feel pretty honored when we get one out of you. You're still on the quiet side, but have recently started talking/cooing back to me when I talk to you. You don't have much to say yet, but I'm sure that will change soon. I have a feeling you're just letting Mac do all the talking for now, but will soon catch up and give him a run for his money in the verbal department. He's a genius with words and I have no doubt you will be even quicker.
You are becoming much more active and playful during the day too. You love spending time on your playmat and looking at your friends, the elephant and monkey. You also still adore the ceiling fan and shamelessly flirt with it anytime we're in the kitchen. You love looking out the window at the changing table and can spend an incredible amount of time there, very content (Mac was the same way). You love to kick like crazy and are becoming very good at standing and stomping. Your little hands are no longer always in tight fists and I've noticed you reaching for things now. Your head/neck control is really coming along. We should probably do a bit more tummy time with you (you don't mind it at all) so we can work on getting you to push up and roll over. That's all coming soon enough, so there's no rush.
For the most part, you are so happy and content. You love to be held (mainly outward, so you can see what's going on), but you also don't mind spending some time alone, either in your crib watching the mobile or in the bouncy seat in the kitchen. That's really great, since your brother tends to require a LOT of hands-on attention at times. We are so grateful that you're so easy-going and happy. However, you spend the majority of your day being held because you are so snuggly and loveable. Even though you don't mind being put down, we all have an incredibly hard time actually doing it.
Unfortunately, right after I wrote your 2 month update on how our breastfeeding struggles were getting better, you completely stopped nursing. I even had a (very expensive) lactation consultant come over and do an in-depth consult to figure out what was going on. Other than determining that you were a very strong-willed baby and did not want to nurse, we didn't come up with any solutions that fixed the problem. Every feeding was a battle and we were both stressed to the max, so I stopped. Even the lactation consultant agreed with that choice. It was becoming too hard on both of us and got to the point where it just wasn't worth all the tears (from you and me). I'm sad that it's over and didn't work out for us, but we had 9 wonderful weeks of breastfeeding and you're thriving on the bottle. I'm still pumping, so you're exclusively getting breastmilk and we're doing alright. I still have a lot of mixed emotions on the subject, but maybe I'll save that for a separate post. For now, you are doing great with the bottle and feedings are so much more enjoyable when we're both happy, and that's what's really important.
In addition to being gorgeous and happy and easy-going, you're also a top-notch sleeper (yeah, now I'm bragging). I hate to EVER put this kind of thing in writing (because as soon as I do, it'll all change), but you have been doing so well at night. We start your bedtime routine at 6:00 p.m. with a warm bath, which you love. Then we swaddle you tight and you kiss everyone goodnight. You and I go up to your room, where it's dark and cool, with the white noise playing and we snuggle up in your rocker. You usually suck on a paci for a few minutes until you're nearly passed out, when I give you a bottle. You take your sweet time eating, while I talk and sing to you. Sometimes you stare at me, like you're trying to memorize my face. Sometimes your eyes are closed and you just coo while eating. But every night, you wrap your fingers around mine and we hold hands until you fall asleep. It's my absolute favorite part of the day.
By 7:00 p.m. you're usually completely passed out and sleeping in your own crib. Yes, I usually rock you completely to sleep (because I love it and I want to, dammit!), but you are capable of putting yourself to sleep if you're not completely passed out. It's impressive. This past week you've cut down your nightly wake-ups to only one. You have been sleeping a good 8 solid straight hours before getting up for a quick diaper change and bottle and then right back to bed. Then you usually sleep until about 7:00 a.m., when you wake up for the day. It's a freaking miracle! Believe me, we are not taking this for granted and know that it could change at any minute, but we are LOVING this schedule and pretty much thank our lucky stars every single day. You are amazing. Mac wasn't even sleeping this well at a year. I know this is all too good to be true, but we're enjoying it while it lasts.
In other big news, I'm back to work full-time now and I have serious mixed emotions about it. While I really like my job and know that I have a great thing here, I'm really sad that I'm missing out on so much during the day. Going back to work this time around is much harder for completely different reasons. When I went back to work with Mac, I was so nervous about leaving him with the nanny - would she know how to soothe him, would he bond with her, what if something happened? This time around, I'm not worried about those things at all. She's wonderful with you and you adore her. You've had three months to get to know each other and I imagine that the transition has been very smooth for you. What's hard this time is knowing just how quickly these "baby days" go by and not being there all the time. I just don't want to miss anything. You are probably (definitely, according to your dad) our last baby and I just want to soak up as much of you and your "babyness" as I can. I blinked and your brother is basically a teenager. I know the same thing will happen to you and I'm struggling with how to make the most out of what little time we have with our "littles," before you're big kids. Oh, if I could just freeze time.
With me back at work, we're still trying to figure out our new normal routine, which I'm sure will take us a while. Right now everything feels crazy. Mornings are hectic and chaotic, with trying to get you and Mac both fed, having to pump and trying to get two parents showered, dressed and out the door at a decent hour. Evenings are hard because we're all so tired at the end of the day. I miss that we no longer get to all sit down to dinner together - Ryan's feeding Mac, while I'm putting you to bed and then Ryan and I take turns eating alone while Mac's bathing and going to sleep. I hate that I don't get to see very much of you after work, since you go to bed early. And I hate that your dad sees even less of you because I'm selfish and refuse to set you down or share you in that time. I need to be better about letting him rock you to sleep every now and then and giving him a break from the tornado that is your brother. I hate that I don't get to spend much quality one-on-one time with Mac these days, as he only really wants daddy and monopolizes his time. I feel like just when we were getting settled at the end of my maternity leave, everything changed again. It's just hard adjusting to a new routine. I know we'll get it figured out eventually. Until then, we're just really enjoying the weekends. Why are not more weekends?
So that's our life right now. Crazy and busy, but fun and wonderful. We are just so happy to have you as part of our little family and don't know what we ever did without you. You bring us so much happiness, so many smiles, so much love. We just can't get enough of you, sweet pea. Thank you for being you. I'm so grateful I get to be your mama.
- ceiling fans
- being tickled
- being nakey
- being outside
- sucking on your fingers
- daddy singing
- being in the car
- being cold
- dirty diapers
- eating in the morning
- loud noises
- 2:00 in the afternoon
- first pumpkin patch experience
- first full-day with the nanny
- first 8 hour sleeping stretch