Running from the Law: Mac Says

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Mac Says

(while catching tadpoles in the creek)
Me: Look Mac, that tadpole has a tail and that one doesn't.
Mac: I wish I had a tail...I just have a butt.
(handing Mac a bunch of pennies to throw in the fountain)
Me: For every penny you throw in the fountain, you get to make a wish.
Mac: Wow!
(throws one penny in)
Mac: I wish for ice cream.
(throws one penny in)
Mac: I wish for ice cream.
(throws one penny in)
Mac: I wish for ice cream.
(throws one penny in)
Mac: I wish for ice cream.
Me: You can wish for something else too.
(throws one penny in)
Mac: I wish for ice cream with cherries.
Me: What do you think Mim wants for her birthday?
Mac: A duck blind and a new dump truck.

(while holding a very dead cricket)
Mac: I found this cricket. He jumped a lot.  He's not jumping anymore.  I killed him just a little bit. He's ok though.
(while driving in the car to the park)
Mac: Daddy's my favorite.  Not you, mommy.
Me: I know.  Thanks for hurting my feelings.
Mac: You're welcome.

(in the car on the way to school - he dropped his tractor and couldn't reach it)
Mac: Oh fuck.
Me:  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (says nothing but freaks out internally)
Mac: Oh foxes.
Mac: Oh fix.
Mac: Oh shoot.
Mac: Mama, what do I say when I drop something?
(while playing with his Buzz Lightyear)
Mac: Buzz Lightyear...and BEYOND!! I have a laser and I'm not afraid to use it.  I'm going to pop out my wings so I can fly around in this moment.

Mac: When I'm 20 I'm going to be bigger than a tree and I can reach the sky and I'm not going to eat your vegetables anymore and you can't make me, ok?
(while taking a walk in the stroller)
Mac: Look mama, an airplane in the sky.  I wish I was an airplane.
Me: You want to be an airplane?
Mac: A jet.
Me: Oh, that sounds like fun.
Mac: I'm going to be a jet way high up in the sky.  All by myself with no grown-ups.
Me: No grown-ups?
Mac: No, just me by myself with a juice box.
Me: Where will you fly?
Mac: To Florida.
Me: Can I go to Florida with you?
Mac: Maybe, if you say please and eat all your dinner.
Me: Mac, watch your sister for a minute while I run upstairs and turn the oven on.  I'll be right back.
(five seconds later Mim's crying hysterically)
Me:  What did you do to her?
Mac: Nothing.
Me: What happened?
Mac: Hmmm...I think a lobster-rapper (velociraptor) got her.
(while playing downstairs)
Mac: Mama, don't be scared, but there are 20 wolves and 5 bears about to eat you up.
Me: Oh no, I'm a little bit scared. What should we do?
Mac: It's ok.  I've got a gun and a knife and I'm going to protect you, ok?  I'm going to kill them and cut them open and their guts will be all over the ground with blood.
Me: Ummmm...ok...  What kind of shows have you and daddy been watching lately?
Mac: Daniel Tiger.
Me: Does Daniel Tiger ever have to kill wolves?
Mac: Yeah.  Sometimes.
(as he's dancing around the living room)
Me: Mac, do you have to go potty?
Mac: Sometimes I do...sometimes I don't.
Me: Ok.  Do you have to go right now?
Mac: Negatory, mamacita.

(on a run, while I'm pushing both kids uphill in the double stroller)
Mac: Are you even running?  Why are we going so slow?  You need to practice more so you can get better at this.
(overheard from the next room while talking to his nanny)
Mac: pasando para mee jobba stucka mollo pop
Beth: What?
Mac: That's Spanish, Beshy.
Beth: Oh. Wow. Who's been teaching you Spanish?
Mac: I just know it.
(while fishing with Ryan)
Ryan: I don't know where that thing is.  I haven't seen it in months.
Mac: It's in the barn, daddy.
Ryan: How do you know that?
Mac: Because I'm really smart.

(while wrestling in the basement)
Me: I don't want to wrestle anymore.  You just kicked me in the stomach and it hurts.
Mac: Awww...your tummy hurts?  You should go poop.  Then it'll feel better.
Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Mac: Bigger than you.
Me: Well, that won't take much, I'm pretty short.
Mac: Yeah, you need to eat more dinner. How about tomorrow night you can eat all my vegetables, ok?

(at his very first parade as they're giving him candy)
Mac: LOOK!!!  They gave me candy!!!
Mac: They're just giving me all this candy, mama!!  They're just giving it to me!!!
Mac: What the heck?!  How am I going to eat ALL THIS CANDY???!!
Baltimore = Golfinmore
Alabama = Amabama
armpits = armpickles
mashed potatoes = pash matatoes
tornado siren = potato siren


  1. I'm dyingggggg of laughter. There are so many favorites, I can't choose! Oh foxes! Where does he get this stuff?!? LOL..... I sense there is a preoccupation with eating vegetables in your house!!!

  2. He has got to be the most hilarious kid on the planet!

  3. This is absolutely hilarious! Love the precious little sayings!

  4. Mac is so hilarious! That picture of him pointing the hose at Mim is so funny! She looks like she was taking it like a champ! She is going to have to be one tough girl with Mac around.

  5. He's a smarty!!!! :) Miss you guys. - Amanda H

  6. Way too much funny stuff in there to pick out a favorite! :) I'm dying over the picture of Mac spraying Mim with the hose.

  7. Oh this cracked me up!! I love it!

  8. These had me laughing so hard. He is quite the character. I love the pictures too. This was just so much fun to read.

  9. He is such a classic boy and so matter of fact! Love him!

  10. Ooh my gosh!! I love all of these - cracked up laughing!!

  11. Mac sounds like a comedian. He is hilarious.

    liz jo @ sundays with sophie

  12. This seriously made me pee a little!! He is hilarious!!

  13. “I wish for ice cream with cherries” hahahahaha! Love that! And a dump truck and a deer blind? What little princess wouldn’t love that? Too precious! And the dropping of the tracto? It’s so hard not to want to laugh at those situations!! And lobster-rapper has to be my favorite! That is so cute. I just love the things kids say! Mac cracks me up!

    Negatory, mamacita…. I die!

    And his words…don’t you just love them? I was so sad when Mason started using the real words and not his.

  14. I cannot even pick out a favorite cuz they are all pretty dang funny. Kids do say the most interesting things sometimes. Ha, ha!

  15. OMG! Mac is amazing. I seriously want to come over to your house for a day and just talk to him. Though I might be terrified of all the bugs he catches/kills so I might need you to intervene. But other than that, I'd love to have a conversation with him!

  16. I seriously think you have the funniest kid! I would just be laughing all day! And omg about dropping his truck in the car! Today I said something not nice to another car and noah totally repeated me and I had a little mama freak out!

  17. Hahahaha, I was seriously laughing out loud reading these! What an adorable kid you have on your hands. I'm so looking forward to when our little guy can talk. Although, I'm sure that has its downsides too, but it'll definitely keep me on my toes :)

  18. He is amazing! Where does he come up with all of this?? This makes me want Wyatt to start talking even more-ha!

  19. Oh my gosh I am dying!!! So many of these make me literally laugh out loud!!!

  20. I read these again to Matt & laughed even harder the second time I read it! Probably because the first time I was rocking a sleeping Jack but, still... they are all so funny!! We both got a really good laugh out of them!

  21. I'm dying. I need to hang out with Mac. I'm right there with him on the ice cream. And lobster rapper?! Oh my gosh, hilarious!

  22. These are hilarious and adorable and have totally made my day!

  23. I think Mac is going to be a comedian when he grows up! He is so funny!

  24. Oh, mamacita, this is the best Mac post to date. I am dying over the running scene. He is so freaking funny!! And you know I feel you on the daddy comments. The one about daddy being his favorite happens here quite frequently.

  25. He's so amazing! Those lobster-rappers can be very serious predators! And I want to know what you say when you drop something! ;o)

  26. I'm dying!!! He is TOO cute! That bug net picture and picture with a hose is too funny! Love it!

  27. I'm pretty sure that's beyond run of the mill toddler hilariousness. I must've missed the Daniel Tiger survivor episode. Sounds like must-see TV right there! And since clearly Mac isn't gonna say it, I will: way to go running up hills! Or running at all. Nevermind with a double stroller and multiple kids. I've run once in the past year and it was to catch a train, so kudos to you. (By the way, we missed that train.)

  28. LOVE this, what a smart, fun little booger. You gotta be on your toes with this one.. ;)

  29. This made me laugh out loud. We were on vacation with my parents when I first read it, and I actually read several out loud to my mom. Mac is such a character!

  30. This made me laugh out loud. We were on vacation with my parents when I first read it, and I actually read several out loud to my mom. Mac is such a character!