Welcome Baby Mac

Introducing our son, Mac. Born at 10:10 p.m. on Sunday, May 20, weighing 7 lbs 14 ounces and is 22 inches long. We're all doing great and madly in love.

Photo by Fresh Art Photography

Nearing the End

Posts these days are getting harder and harder to come by...mainly because the ONLY things going through my mind right now are "WHEN THE HELL IS THIS CHILD GOING TO GET OUT OF ME?" and "MORE CHOCOLATE MILK."   Nothing else registers.  I read a half a book last night and I today I couldn't even tell you the name of a single character because I wasn't paying any attention.  Instead, I was willing the baby to exit the premises with my mind and playing the "is that a contraction or is that gas?" guessing game.  It was gas.  I can't carry on a conversation without getting winded or forgetting what I was saying mid-sentence.  My mind is mush.  Everyone and their freaking dog has told me to "sleep as much as possible," "eat whatever you want," and "take advantage of these last few days of freedom."  And believe me, I'd love to.  I want to sleep 23.5 hours a day because growing a person is exhausting.  Not to mention carrying him around in your belly all day, along with 30 extra pounds of cushioning and water weight.  But of course I can't sleep because I can't get comfortable, I snore so loud I wake myself up, I have to pee 45 times a night and acid reflux is a bitch.  I'd love to eat whatever I want, but it comes back up a couple hours later and stays with me for so long I can't ever imagine eating again.  And I can't leave the house because nothing I own fits - not even my maternity clothes (for real, I'm wearing pajamas at work today). 

But here's the thing, as awful as any of this might sound, it's not.  It's actually wonderful.  I love waddling around my house, grunting and moaning and trying to drum up as much sympathy from my husband as possible in order to get him to rub my feet,  but I promise I'm not whining or complaining about being pregnant (or even being this insanely pregnant).  I wanted this.  I wanted this SO BADLY.  And I still do.  I have loved being pregnant and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.  There are so many people that don't get this blessing; who don't get to feel their child growing and moving inside them.  I am so incredibly lucky.  So blessed.  So happy.  So willing to do whatever it takes.  And SO not whining about it.

I look at my giant belly and the ridiculous number on the scale and smile.  It just means that my baby is healthy and strong.  I see my swollen feet and ankles and think about the person attached to the tiny little feet and ankles that are kicking me in the ribs.  I can't sleep so I daydream about all the sleepless nights I will spend holding my baby and rocking him to sleep.  Friends, family members and even strangers comment about how miserable I must be right now...but honestly, I'm not miserable. How can I possibly complain about my daily physical discomforts when I know that with each passing day my child is getting stronger and better equipped to handle this world.  I'd happily deal with all kinds of pain if it meant that he didn't have to.  The longer he stays in there, the safer he is and healthier he will be when he gets here.  I can handle it.  And I will...hopefully with a little grace and not too much whining.

I've been getting so many sweet emails and phone calls and comments from friends asking how I'm doing (fine), how the baby's doing (great) and when he's getting here (hell if I know...June? July?). But inevitably the next question and the one that they really want to know is "ARE YOU READY?"  Physically, mentally and emotionally ready?  Ready for the pain of labor, ready for the sleepless nights, ready to have my world completely rocked?  And I'm more than happy to say YES!  Of course, I'm ready.  I'm ready to meet him, ready to hold him, ready to kiss him.  Ready to comfort him when he cries, ready to make him smile, ready to be his whole world.  But I've been ready for years.  And I'll still be ready next week and the week after or whenever the time is right.  If this child has taught me anything so far, it's that being patient and diligent pays off.  It took him years to make his way to us, we can wait a few more days/weeks.  In the meantime, I'll be waddling around my house in my PJs, hanging out with the dogs, drinking chocolate milk, begging my husband for a foot rub and sleeping as much as possible.  And to me, that's taking full advantage of my last few days of "freedom."  Who could ask for anything more?   Freedom's overrated anyway, right?

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the amazing moms out there.

To my mom.

To my stepmom.

To my mother-in-law.

To all the women that have played a mothering role in my life.

To my friends that are moms.

To all my readers that are moms.

To all those that are "about to be" moms.

And to all of those that so desperately want to be moms and are still struggling to get there.

Happy Mother's Day to you all.

Motherhood is an amazing adventure and I can't wait to be a part of it.

Now hopefully this baby in my belly decides to make a mom out of me soon.

Come on Mac!

Baby Mac - 39 Weeks

Still pregnant.

That's all.

A Post by Numbers

9 - Number of days until my due date

3 - Number of times I've made my husband eat burgers for dinner (and it's only Wednesday)

2.5 - Number of books I've read in the wee hours of the morning, trying to put myself back to sleep

7 - Number of times I get up to pee in each night

75 - Number of frozen mini Kit Kats I've eaten

11 - Number of people that have called to ask me where the hell the baby is

3 - Number of gallons of chocolate milk I've consumed

25 - Number of times a day I go into Mac's room and just look around and smile

15 - Number of times a day I get down on the floor and hug and kiss my dogs and tell them how much I love them

15 - Number of times a day I have to have Ryan pull me off the floor because I'm stuck and being attacked by said dogs

5 - Number of times a day I stare at my belly and will him to come out

2 - Number of baby items still in boxes to be put together before he gets here

4 - Number of secretaries at work that have asked to take a picture of my belly because they just can't believe it's so large

1 - Number of times a day the baby gets hiccups

6 - Number of times I've cried for basically no reason at all (i.e. my (decaf) coffee's too hot, I'm out of staples in my stapler, there's a baby on TV, etc.)

14 - Number of thank you cards still left to write for baby gifts

3 - Number of pairs of shoes that still fit my poor swollen feet (this includes a pair of Mizzou Crocs that I hate to admit I wore in public the other day.  Oh, the horror.  I've officially hit a low point in my wardrobe choices.)

8 - Number of times I've looked up flights to Dallas to visit this girl because I miss her and can't stop thinking about her

25 - Number of meals I hoped to have made and frozen before baby arrives

2 - Number of meals actually made and frozen as of today

1,000,000 - Number of times a day I thank God for this little miracle 

Baby Mac - 38 Weeks

Yep, I'm still pregnant!  We're getting down to the final days, but Mac's holding in there and getting nice and chubby for me (he knows I have a thing for fat babies).  So many of my friends that are due before and even after me have already had their babies and I'm starting to get anxious about when our little guy will decide to make his appearance.  The not knowing is definitely one of the hardest things to deal with.  I'm slightly jealous of my friends that did scheduled c-sections - at least they knew when it was coming.  I'm definitely GIANT, but honestly, I'm not horribly uncomfortable or miserable (knock on wood) yet.  I'm excited about the next phase and meeting him, but I'm ok with being pregnant a little while longer.  I'm really trying not to force the issue by doing all the things that "allegedly" bring on labor like walking for miles, eating spicy foods, drinking castor oil, etc.  I want this kid to come on his own time, if possible.  I'm trying to be patient and do what's best for him.  My doctor says he's not budging just yet, so we may have a little while longer to wait.

But I know he's coming...eventually.  Sometimes I'm convinced that he's trying to get out through my ribcage and I'm constantly reminding him that's NOT the exit!  Last weekend, he "dropped" - so I can finally breathe again and feel much better.  We had our final ultrasound and we know that at 36 weeks he was around 6.5 lbs and head-down.  This past week I've started to have Braxton-Hicks contractions and am just waiting for the real ones to begin.  And I'm not going to lie...as we get closer and closer, I'm starting to get pretty nervous about the birth.  I mean, I know we'll make it through it (what other choice do we have?), but I worry that I won't be strong enough or tough enough to handle it.  Yes, I'm getting an epidural and I know I don't need to be Superwoman, but I would like to reasonably "keep it together" and not be a complete heinous bitch to everyone in the hospital or attempt to murder my husband.  I want it be a positive experience, but I'm so scared of being weak.  I've been praying for strength and grace to help me make it through this next step.  I just have to keep telling myself that women do this every day and so can I.  Of course, that doesn't really help, but I'll keep trying.

In the meantime, we're enjoying these last few weeks of being kid-free.  We've been to a couple birthday parties and a baptism, out to eat with friends, we've watched a few movies and even went to a Stanley Cup playoff hockey game (go Blues!).  Ryan started a new job this week (it's a long story), so he's been busy settling in and meeting all his new co-workers.  I've been working from home a couple days a week, which has been really nice and has allowed me to get off my feet a bit during the week.  It's also been nice to get to spend so much time with the dogs.  I worry about them and how they'll handle having a new baby in the house, but I know we'll all get it figured out and adjust.  I just hope they know how much we still love them too.

As for Mac, he's still very active and getting really strong.  He's been craving chocolate milk and ice cream these days and I'm happy to oblige him with gallons of Oberweis chocolate milk, boxes of Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches and pints of Ben & Jerry's Fro Yo Cherry Garcia.  We can do some serious damage to the ice cream aisle at the grocery store these days.  Yay calcium!  My doctor's put a ban on tacos, pizza and Chinese food because the sodium makes me swell up so much, but we're getting by without them just fine.  We've been doing a lot of grilling because the weather's so nice out and we can wear the dogs out a little by throwing the ball for Sage a couple thousand times while we cook.  Sleep is getting harder and harder to come by, but that's to be expected.  I've been doing a lot of late night reading and catching up on all the episodes of Vampire Diaries and Grey's Anatomy on my DVR.  Sage has been enjoying all the late night belly scratch sessions and Jigs has been loving attacking me on my way to the bathroom a dozen times a night.  And that's about it.  We're just waiting...

Mac's Family Baby Shower

I have to tell you right up front that Mac and I are SO spoiled!  It is really humbling and amazing to feel so loved by so many friends and family members.  I'm totally biased, but I think this little guy did a great job of picking a family to join that's going to love him to pieces.  We may all be crazy, but we love it each for it!

A few weekends ago, I headed up to the little river town of Clarksville, Missouri (about an hour and a half North of St. Louis) for a family baby shower for Mac.  The shower was held at the Clarksville Station Restaurant, part of Overlook Farms.  The shower was hosted by my mother-in-law, my mom and my (soon-to-be) sister in-law and they went ABOVE and BEYOND.  I'm not kidding when I say this may be the nicest shower I've ever been to.  

First of all, the weather way gorgeous.  Maybe a little too gorgeous.  When we planned this April 1st shower, we never expected to have a day full of sunshine and temperatures in the 90s!  We fully expected it to be dark and rainy and have the shower indoors.  However, the beautiful weather allowed us to move to the party outside on the patio, surrounded by all the gorgeous wisteria.  What a stunning location!

The theme of the shower was "birds and bees" - specifically, ducks and bumblebees.  Perhaps this is my not-so-secret attempt to get my unborn child to like ducks and not want to kill them, like my husband.  But don't tell him I said that.

The invitations were from Trinity Street Studio (on Etsy) and started the yellow and gray trend.

My amazing sister-in-law Lindsey did all the decorations, from bee hives, fabric, duckies and flowers on the tables....

(Irish duckies!)

...to pinwheels, daisy pomanders and decorated onesies on clotheslines...

...to personalized advice cards (not to mention thank you cards)...

...to bubbles hanging from the rafters...

...to the little jars of honey as party favors.

Pretty incredible, huh?!  I was blown away!

My mom brought the cupcakes, punch and the brownie pops.  

This officially put me over the edge.  

I was crying...and I'm crying again now just thinking about this.

How do I possibly deserve to be loved this much?

Sticking with the "bee" theme, the restaurant gave me a gift package of home-made honey-infused bath products from a little boutique in Clarksville called "Bee Naturals."  

We even had a couple real bees show up.  Luckily, they didn't bother anyone.  No ducks showed up though...slightly disappointed in that.

As the guests started showing up, I got so emotional.  Most of these people have known me my entire life.  As embarrassing as it sometimes is, it was wonderful to hear their stories of what I was like as a kid and all the hell I can expect to get from my kid when he gets here.

Apparently, if Mac's anything like me, he will be a complete mama's baby and throw wild dramatic tantrums when left with any baby-sitter.  

He'll be easily bribed to do anything with chocolate or candy.

He'll insist on picking out all his own clothing/outfits, no matter how bad they look together.  

And he'll love to use big words at a very early age and say things like, "We should go to the convenience store to put gasoline in the automobile."  

It was also pretty fun to see my cousins and friends with their little ones.

I got to meet Baby Alexander for the first time.  

At just a few weeks old, he's the newest addition to the family.

And Jayme is already such a good momma.

Alex and Mac are going to be ski buddies.  His mom and I are already looking forward to the days when we can take our boys on ski trips.  They're moving to San Francisco this summer, so we expect to make a trip out to California to visit soon.

Alex's cousin Taelynn is just a few months older and was a big hit at the shower!

It doesn't get much cuter than that!

And my best friend from high school brought her two beautiful girls.

I don't know how these two are so grown up already...I swear they were just born yesterday.

After mingling for a while, it was time to eat.

The food was absolutely OUTSTANDING.

Chicken salad sandwiches, fresh fruit...

...grilled vegetables, bruschetta, flatbread and goat cheese stuffed mini tomatoes.

I had three plates full.

Not kidding.

After lunch, we took a few minutes to snap some family photos and pictures with the guests.

I wanted to get pictures of Mac (in bump form) with all his relatives and friends.

Plus, I love having these photos to print off and put in each guest's thank you card.

Me and my mama.

My beautiful mother-in-law, Grandma Bonnie.

My grandmother and Mac's soon-to-be great-grandmother.

My stepmom and my mom.

Me, Mac and his three grandmas!

Aunt Jeanne, Ryan's best friend's mom.

My best friend from high school, Amanda, her mother (my second mother) Terri and her girls.

My Aunt Jane - she drove in all the way from Jefferson City!

My Aunt Nadine, with her daughters, Jayme and Cara and their little ones.

My stepmom Kelly, her mother Barb and me.

The Holtsman side of the family.

My mom and her good friend Jan.

My very first boss, Barbara.  

Her and her husband hired me to help out in their flower shop when I was in high school and basically adopted me into their family.

My cousins Jenny, Suzy and Jessica.

The Lenz side of the family.

Just the girl cousins.

Me with Ryan's aunt MaryAnne and cousin Monica.

My sorority sister and good friend, Kirsten.

My mom's best friend, Liz.

And then it was time to open presents!

Lindsey made another AMAZING diaper cake.

This one was covered in bees and ducks.  

She should seriously think about going into business with these cakes - they're amazing!

I'll spare you the play-by-play and just touch on a few gifts.

Cardinals gear.

I think I've mentioned my husband's obsession with Superman...

Apparently, as a child, he wore a Superman cape for years.

So, this Superman onesie and bib are perfect for Baby Mac.

Barbara's daughter Emily makes these - they're available in her Etsy shop (So Abigail).  

She makes the CUTEST stuff!

Super soft blankets.

Adorable rompers.

Beach wear!

Cowboy boot socks.

Lots of camo.

Hooded ducky towels!

The tiniest diapers I've ever seen!

Books galore!

This one's titled "Don't Lick the Dog - Making Friends with Dogs"  

So appropriate for our house!

And stuffed animals.

Then, before I could blink, it was over.

How does that happen?

I didn't want it to ever end.

Thank you SO much to all my amazing family members and friends. 

I am so incredibly lucky to be a part of such a loving and generous group of women.

And a GIANT thank you to the hostesses for all their hard work and generosity.

Bonnie - Thank you SO much for absolutely EVERYTHING.  I am so lucky to have a mother-in-law that I adore and that's so thoughtful and giving.  Thank you for raising my best friend and giving me the best husband I could ever ask for.  I'm so proud to be part of your family.

Lindsey - You are so talented, thoughtful and caring.  Mac is VERY lucky to have you as an aunt and I know you'll be such a wonderful role model for him!  I cannot wait for your wedding and to see all the amazing things you do for it!  But mostly, I can't wait for you to be my sister.

Mom - Thank you for being my mama.  You're so much stronger and smarter than you even realize.  I'm so excited to be able to give you your first grandbaby - you've only been hounding me over this for 15 years.  You're going to rock at being a grandma!

Baby Mac and I are forever grateful to each of you for making us feel so special and loved.

My cup runneth over.

*All photos by Amanda of Amkar Photography