Running from the Law: Hunting Widow

Friday, November 12, 2010

Hunting Widow

Once again, it's that time of the year...  HUNTING SEASON. 

Duck season, deer season, dove season, turkey season, quail season, pheasant season, goose season.  There's always something to kill.  Last weekend was opening weekend of duck season, and this weekend is the opening of DEER season. 

I don't think anyone would be surprised to learn that I'm not a huge fan of hunting.  Especially deer hunting.  But deer season is huge around here.  It's basically a holiday - I'm surprised schools and banks don't close.  I grew up in a small town where Hunter's Safety courses were mandatory in 4th grade and it was ok to have your rifles in the cab of your pickup truck on school property.  People from my hometown wear camo and orange year round like a badge of honor.  I've seen more dead deer than I can even count.  I know how to call a turkey, mask your scent, install a salt lick, set up decoys, camouflage a deer stand, knock antlers together, etc.  Everyone in my family hunts, from my grandpa all the way down to the kids.  I get it - I just don't like it.  

I know, I know...I've heard all the arguments for hunting.  Every single one of them.  I know they're overpopulated and there are way too many deer.  I know they can feed the hungry.  (I know they're kinda delicious.)  I know they get hit by cars and cause injuries and can spread disease.   I know they destroy fields and crops and gardens.  I know, I really do!  But it still breaks my heart! 

When I met Ryan, he was a nice preppy city boy that liked fishing, was strictly catch and release and wouldn't harm a fly (for real, he'd trap it and take it outside).  But then he met my family.  And went to "Deer Camp" back in my hometown.  And it was over.  Now he's a ruthless killer.  He lives for blood.  Now he's the one giving me all the arguments for why deer hunting is "necessary."  And maybe it's unfair to blame my family entirely for this transformation...but I'm doing it anyway.  Do you hear me Christopher?!

I think the difference is somewhere in our perception of deer.  When Ryan thinks of a deer, he sees this:
and this...

When I think of a deer, I see this:
and this...

And of course, deer are stupid, so they're making it easy for the guys.  The deer around here really need to get their act together if they're going to make it through til next year.  Come on guys!

So this weekend, while Ryan's out slaying poor innocent animals, I'm a hunting widow - abandoned by my husband for the thrill of killing, the camaraderie of other killers and lots of beer. 

Normally, I'm my husband's biggest fan...

But this year, I'm rooting for the deer.

( I like this version of deer camp! )

So, for all you hunting widows out there, I just want you to know that I feel your pain, your loneliness, your isolation.  I hope you all have weekend plans that involve friends, shopping, wine and watching all the great shows that your husbands refuse to watch with you (hello Gossip Girl). 

And I hope your husbands have miserable opening weekends, come home empty-handed and no one kills anything worthy of stuffing and mounting. 

In loving memory...

Any other hunting widows out there? 
Want to come over and have margaritas with me?


  1. Pete has touched a gun once in his life, but let me tell you - I love deer meat! Thankfully, we have friends who bring us some every year so I don't have to rely on Pete for that.

    I do feel a little guilty, though. But I remind myself that its the circle of life. Just like the Lion King...

  2. I am a hunting widow too! My husband used to only go during gun season (a total of like 1 week here), but now he's into bow season which has been going on for a month and extends into February! I don't mind him hunting as long as the meat is used and it's not something done for sport.

    Good luck to you during the season :)

  3. Girl, you know I'd be there for some margaritas and chick flicks.

    So, the husband got this brilliant idea yesterday to move his office/dead animal room upstairs. I'm so wildly excited that I cannot wait to get home and start decorating the den in a theme that is NOT "dead animal chic"--which is the current decor. Score one for me :)

  4. OMG...I want to hold that baby deer like the picture! Great husband doesn't hunt but being in GA...I get it! Have a fun weekend watching girly shows!

  5. Nope, not a hunting widow - law school widow.


    I wish that my husband were out hunting or doing something fun instead of spending all his time buried in the library/being cranky!

  6. I am defiantly a hunting widow. Season opened here last weekend and my husband slept in the bed of his truck for 2 nights in 34 degree weather because the cabin was locked up for some reason. I DON"T GET IT! He didn't even get a deer. He likes to go multiple times before he shoots because it is all about "the hunt" he says.
    I couldn't shoot one myself, but I do love the meat. :)

  7. Funny thing is they do get off for school on Wed before Thanksgiving here b/c the attendance is so low b/c of hunting! In WI it is a way of life. Thankfully not mine. Or my husband's. He's a vegetarian. ;)

  8. I have to admit that E's Christmas present this year is a bow--because he wants to take up bow hunting!
    His reason: he felt like he needed a manly hobby! I'm such a sucker

  9. I about died when I saw the baby deer photo. Too adorable for words. I'm not into hunting either. They were here first, we're taking over all their land, and then we decide that there are "too many of them" for our taste? Not something I agree with. Way to share the earth humans, way to share the earth. What happened to us "caring for all God's creatures"?

  10. Had to comment on this because Michael called me last night and informed me that he was going to go deer hunting with one of his buddies on Saturday morning who has probably been hunting since he popped out of the womb, Michael on the other hand - never went hunting a day in his life. I am kind of nervous! ALL the men in my family are hunters as well- believe me, I know exactly where you are coming from when you say it IS a national holiday -- IT IS IDEED! We will need to exchange stories!

  11. I died a little when I saw that baby deer picture. I don't know what it is but deer totally melt my heart. I send the best of luck to the deer. Sorry Ryan but I hope you get nothing! And Sara, we'll have to have a girls' night one night when Ryan's off being barbarous.

  12. I'm laughing my ass off. You are too funny Sara. My husband would probably shoot his own foot if you took him hunting. Can I still come have margaritas?

  13. My husband is addicted! Seriously, when I moved in, there were SEVEN deer heads on our living room wall!!!

    I cannot stand to see another one. UGH!

  14. Like Hannah, I'm a big fan on venison meat. Growing up, our neighbors were German and made it often. I went to school in upstate NY & many friends partake in hunting season. I too agree with all the points you've mentioned.

    *However* I'm not really sure how people call it "hunting". For those that actually track the animals down on foot by woodsman skill & knowledge and truly hunt I commend them. Dudes sitting in a fort or some tent up in a tree covered in deer piss while drinking beer or BSing for hours on end waiting until some poor creature is lured into a good shot zone?? That's not hunting.

  15. P.S. - "Imagine you're a deer, you're prancing along, you get thirsty, you spot a little brook, you put your little lips down to the cool clear water ... BAM ... a bullet rips off part of your head. Now I ask you, would you give a damn what kind of pants the son of a b**** who shot you was wearing?"

    hee hee -- sorry, couldn't help it. :)

  16. Um, I didn't realize that people these days actually hunted until I moved out into the boonies, haha!

  17. Omg, that little baby deer is too cute!! I'm so glad my husband doesn't hunt...however, everyone else does, so it makes my husband look a little weird to them:)

  18. I'm with you, I absolutely HATE it and living in the's hard to escape. Everyone seems to be all about it. I'm just grateful my husband has sense enough to rather play video games than shoot a gun.

  19. this is a cute post and soo true!

  20. This is me to a t! KB is always hunting or fishing (I swear sometimes he makes up things to go shoot at). I feel so bad for the deer....and ducks.....and fish.....and bears......and coyotes....and crows....and on and on!