Running from the Law: Our Secret Hideout

Monday, January 26, 2015

Our Secret Hideout



I'm sure this is just a normal part of parenting, but it seems like lately Mac and I are going through a rough patch.  I've mentioned this before, but Mac is really a daddy's boy.  The majority of the time, I'm absolutely fine with this.  No really.  I am beyond thrilled that Mac and Ryan are so close.  I personally think I hit the jackpot in the daddy department when I married Ryan because he is so good with the kids and is such an active participant in our family. But lately, Mac's attitude has gone above and beyond the normal "I prefer daddy" sentiment, to an "I ONLY want daddy" order.  And quite honestly, it hurts my feelings.
I know it probably sounds ridiculous that my two-year old can make me feel so hurt sometimes (because I know he doesn't really mean anything by it), but it seems to hit a nerve with me.  Aren't boys supposed to love and adore their mamas?  Am I doing something wrong?  His requests for daddy started out innocently enough, but as they increased in intensity and frequency, it started feeling personal.  Honestly, it goes straight to that spot deep down in my soul that wonders am I a good mom...do my kids like me...am I doing this right?
And I know that's all crazy.  He's a toddler.  It's just a phase.  And all that jazz.  Believe me, I know.  Being a parent is amazing, but it is oh so hard sometimes.  Especially because I will probably never know if I'm doing it right.  Well, I mean...unless he grows up to be a serial killer, then I can say I probably did something wrong.  But Mac and I constantly butt heads.  That child knows how to push my buttons like no one on earth.  My husband would say that this happens because Mac and I are so much alike (he is pretty awesome).  But this kid is so me it's scary.  We're both horribly stubborn and we never back down.  We both get our pride hurt very easily and have tendencies to lash out.  We're both slightly manipulative and know how to work the angles to get what we want.  We're strong willed and determined and smart.  It's quite amazing to see so much of yourself in someone so small.
I think the main reason for the "daddy fixation" has a lot to do with the addition of a new baby to the family (no Mim, I'm not blaming you per se, just your existence).  I'm sure it's been hard on Mac being displaced as the center of our universe and to not have all the attention on him.  For so many months, it was always mommy taking care of the baby while he spent time with daddy.  Our divided household was good for surviving the newborn stage, but I think the division of child labor has somewhat backfired and caused a split in our household.  
I can't say I really blame Mac for wanting to spend time with Ryan.  If I had a choice, I'd pick him too (oh wait, I did).  He's a lot of fun - they do cool "guy stuff" like get dirty, drive tractors, go hunting and shovel the snow.  How can I compete with that?  I probably can't.  However, I have come to the conclusion that Mac and I need to spend some one-on-one quality time together.  Just the two of us - no daddy, no baby. 
This weekend I wanted to take him somewhere fun...just the two of us.  Maybe the zoo or the Butterfly House or even just to the park. We used to do that kind of thing all the time, but it's gotten harder and harder to get away and I always feel guilty about not being with Mim.  But we were going to do it.  Then he got sick.  And Mim got sick.  And I thought it was a good time to shut down the milk factory (my boobs), so I'm in a lot of pain and no one really felt like leaving the house.  So, I tried to do the next best thing...building a secret hideout where the two of us could escape (#popsecretforts).
I told Mac on Friday night that I'd have a surprise for him in the morning.  I'm not sure he really knew what to expect, but that night I stayed up WAY past my bedtime and built a pillow fort on our landing. I brought up chairs and stuck in some mops for ceiling support.  I grabbed a bunch of pillows and blankets.  I stocked the fort with books and his stuffed animals and popcorn!  The next morning he was so excited to hang out in the fort with mommy.  
Since he wasn't feeling well, this was the perfect little escape for him.  It was somewhere he could rest and take it easy, but it still felt special and was something that we could do together.  We had our special popcorn snack for our movie, and I pulled out the iPad and we watched the episode of Daniel Tiger where Daniel is sick and they sing the "rest is best" song.  He sang it over and over again all day.  He even fake rested for me.
But the best part of the whole thing was just getting to spend some quality time with him.  Granted, I was being obnoxious and taking a bunch of photos, but he tolerated it for a few minutes before asking me to come lay next to him and watch the show - which I gladly did.  He is such a fun kid to be around these days.  His imagination is exploding and it's so amazing to watch the person he's going to be emerge from this tiny little boy.  You can already tell what an animal lover he is.  He made sure that Banga (aka Bambi) got some popcorn too.  He may not be able to share with Mim yet, but I think this shows that he's working on the concept and gets it. 
Despite his spitfire personality, he's still a lover.  
Our morning was pretty wonderful.  I think we both had fun and we got some good Mama-Mac quality bonding in.  We snuggled, sang songs, read books and talked about school.  He seemed like he was really having a great great, but the minute we walked out of the fort, he was already asking for daddy again. Seriously?!  C'est la vie.  
Anyone else a fan of pillow forts?  
What's your favorite secret hideout snack?
How do you "connect" with your toddler?


*Thanks to PopSecret for sponsoring today's post and encouraging us to build a super cool pillow fort.  All opinions, drama/emotions and shoddy fort building skills are 100% my own.

**PopSecret is encouraging you to submit photos of your pillow fort to their Facebook page.  You can also download a $1 off coupon for the popcorn flavor of your choice! 

25 comments:

  1. Your little guy is so sweet. He reminds me soo much of my middle son! They really look a lot alike. They have the same big brown eyes and blonde hair. Cole also has a super stubborn streak which my husband believes he gets from me..lol I can admit it I have stubborn tendencies. I have two boys and my youngest is a girl. The boys are mama's boys and my daughter is definitely a Daddy's girl! It does come and go in phases though. Love your cute pillow fort! xoxo

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  2. Oh my gosh, the photos of Mac sharing his popcorn with his deer is just so sweet! It kind of made my heart melt a little bit! Luke is only 4 months old and is a Momma's boy but I do "fear" his being a Daddy's boy and i know it will break my heart also. I am sure tears will endure also! Love the pillow fort idea and so glad you and Mac got to spend some time together.

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  3. So sweet! What a fun idea! Sadie is totally in a "mommy" stage, and will tell Dave no, she wants me. :( He is ok with it, especially since they spend the summers together so she becomes more attached to him, but still. I try to push her to him whenever I can, have her show him things, have him read her stories, etc.

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  4. Such a fun idea! He looks like he was having a blast!

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  5. Oh. My. Goodness. That picture of Mac feeding Bambi popcorn? I die. SO adorable! Even if he doesn't show it directly to Mim, you can totally tell that he is a loving big brother who will always take care of his little sister. I love it. So much fun in the fort! Mason would die if we made one of those. I just might have to set one up next weekend!

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  6. He is such a doll! But oh girl, I could have written this exact same post 3 years ago - in fact I probably did write something similar! My oldest daughter is a TOTAL Daddy's girl, always has been and I am sure she always will be. Even as a newborn, even though she nursed exclusively and I was her lone supplier of food, she preferred to be in her Daddy's arms. At just around the same age as Mac she went through a phase when it was ALL DADDY no matter what and I recall some hurt feelings on my behalf as well (and lots of frustration!). Even though I truly LOVE that she has such a tight bond with her dad, especially as a little girl, I feel it is so important and wonderful, but still, yeah, it hurt sometimes. I think that 2-3 age is VERY egocentric and that contributes to a lot of it. And, as my first born, she and I are more alike that any of my other kids, which adds to the butting of heads that you speak of too. At age 5 though, while it is still very clear that my daughter prefers her father, but she is also much more aware of how her words and actions can hurt others and she is much more sensitive to the feelings of others, so she isn't so outwardly adamant in her preference for Dad over mom. And she is more reasonable and knows that Daddy can't always be there to pick her up from school or help her get dressed, etc… But she sure does appreciate it all the more when he can!

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    1. Yes! This exactly. He's a sensitive kid, so I know he'll start being a little reasonable and respectful about it, even if the daddy-obsession continues. Or maybe my skin will get a bit thicker. Now I just need to figure out a way to make sure that Mim likes me best. :)

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  7. I'm sure that your hubby is right, you two butt heads because you are so much alike. But, like you, every parent/step-parent wonders if they are doing the right thing. I've been apart of my stepdaughters lives for almost five years & have been more involved than their actual mother. So, when we have issues with the oldest (which we do a lot), I feel like a total failure like there is something more or something different I should have done or should be doing. But at the end of the day, I just have to remind myself that I have done everything I possibly could do to get her down the right path & that at some point (hopefully sooner rather than later), she'll get back.

    It's super hard being a parent & some days will be better than others but just try to remember on those bad days that you are his mama & you are there for him & that he does love you with all his heart. You are doing just fine with him so keep that head up, girlie! :)

    Mandie ~ http://badbrewpack.blogspot.com/

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  8. Spending the day in a fort looks like so much fun! I'm impressed with the good lighting in your tent too! My son hurts my husband's feelings by often being "only mommy". I tell him you can't let a two year old get to you that way but I bet it's hard.

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  9. Your Mac stories crack me up! As well as maker hope and pray Jude is a mama's boy! ;)

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  10. Ah this scares me a bit since we are about 6ish months behind you and just brought home the new baby girl. Still trying really hard to spend time with the toddler, but it is so hard when you are nursing and tending to a newborn!! I'm sure Mac will get past it though, it has to just be a phase?!

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  11. What a cool fort! I can't wait to start doing those with my little munchkin :) Bringing a 2nd child into the mix definitely sounds like a challenge, but hopefully it will get better with time. In the meantime, just do what I do and have a drink to cope, haha :)

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  12. DH has become a lot closer to her daddy since her little brother's arrival. I love this fort and these pictures. Why don't you come over and build one for my kiddos, then take lovely pictures of them? xo!

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  13. Love these pictures, how fun!! I think you know you're doing such a great job cause you care...and you built him this killer fort. :) Also, THANK YOU for writing this. Exactly what I'm going through now with big brother + baby. T doesn't want much of anything to do with me, so much it made me cry the other morning because he wouldn't give me a hug/kiss before leaving the other day-damn hormones. :) Glad to know I'm not the only one who got my feelings hurt by a 2.5 year old...

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  14. This is such a great thing to do! My kiddos love forts - and they both have gone through serious Daddy phases (boy and a girl.) It can hurt feelings big time, but at the end of the day, you're the most important woman in their lives :)

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  15. What a fun idea!!
    The roles are a bit flipped in our home, and I think Scott can relate to how you feel. M is always demanding me over Scott. It's tiring for me, and I know it hurts Scott. Maybe I should suggest Scott and M have a fort morning.

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  16. We love forts! It's our favorite rainy day activity!!

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  17. I am not a mom by I am sure he doesn't feel neglected in anyway. He looks like a sweet time and it looks like you pour your heart and soul into your children. I have always heard extra one on one time is good when you have more than one child and escpecially when it comes to a little baby! Good luck and I am sure everything will turn out just fine!

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  18. I used to love making forts! When I was a nanny, I would always make a fort on rainy days. They loved it so much. I am positive Mac loves you with all of his heart :) He's just playing games with you!

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  19. Goodness you have been going through a lot! The phases where they don't want their momma are so so hard. I'm sure shutting down the milk factory isn't helping your feelings (at least each time I stop I'm a mess for weeks). What a special spot for you two!

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  20. I love how honest and raw you are in the post - it's good to know that other moms go through some super infuriating situations with their kiddos as well especially in the blog world of happy / beautiful photos + words! I'm having sort of the opposite problem where my littlest is SUCH a mama's boy that it feels like I am currently raising him completely on my own (I'm not but I have my dramatic moments!) and it's exhausting! I guess keeping the old "it's a phase" thing keeps it in perspective but I feel you in that these things "phases" can be so trying! Before we know it our boys will probably swap phases. :) Also, beautiful photos in this post!!

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  21. This is such a great idea! The fort, the one-on-one time, the "rest is best" time, I love it all! (And popcorn. Also love popcorn.)

    You know he loves you when he saves all his bad behavior for you! Julia is in a major "I love Daddy" phase now. Thankfully I'm still tolerable when he's not around. (honestly, I'm ok with it for the moment because for once, he doesn't get to shower in peace!) But if it continues much longer, I'm going to start having some issues.

    *hugs*

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  22. You guys are the cutest! He's in a phase now but the sharing with his friends - you're doing something right!

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  23. Such a fun idea! This is going on our to do list for this weekend for sure!

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  24. Your lil one is adorable and he looks like he is loving that popcorn!

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