Running from the Law: New Mommy Confessions - Part 5

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

New Mommy Confessions - Part 5

Today we've got a few more bloggers sharing their New Mommy Confessions!  These are so so so good!  I am completely digging this series!   New moms uniting through failure!  Just kidding - no one's failing here.  What's really great about this series is that we get share our "oops" moments without judgment - we can all be good moms and still do stupid shit.  And isn't it refreshing to know that we really don't all have it together (not that I was fooling anyone).  And most importantly, we can laugh at ourselves.  Of course raising a kid is serious business, but I constantly have to remind myself not to take it all so seriously all the time!  Sometimes it's pretty funny just how clueless and unprepared I am for this whole Mommy gig.  I hope you'll share some love in the comment section, stop by the blogs of our lovely guest posters and feel free to share your new mommy confessions (you know you have some!).

Natasha from Hello Happiness

So, Caroline had been extremely fussy one morning and wouldn't go down for her morning nap (she is about 6 months old at the time). It had been rough, so I rocked her to sleep and decided to lay her in her rocking swing so I could get some chores done around the house. I was so nervous I would wake her up by buckling her in and putting the safety straps on, so I left it alone and put a blanket over her and went on my way.

An hour and a half goes by and I'm thinking what a good job I did and how she is still sleeping when I hear a terror scream/cry coming from the living room... I run downstairs to see what's wrong, and my darling girl has thrown herself out of her swing and has face-planted on the carpet laying NEXT to (not in) the swing.

Talk about feeling like you've lost "mom of the year"...I scooped her up, apologized for what seemed like hours, and prayed that she wouldn't get a bump so I'd have to tell Jeff. Needless to say, she is fine and I never put her in her swing again without buckling up first.

As someone who prided herself on always being prepared pre-baby {napkins and wetwipes stashed in the car console; backup black pumps and suit jacket residing in my office; duck tape and TP in the trunk}, I am astounded to find myself cast in the role of That Unequipped Mom on more occasions than not... You know, the one who's forever mooching yogurt melts off you at play group because she remembered her grande skim triple latte but didn't think to grab her kid a snack.  The one Mac-Gyvering a sippy cut from a bottle of SmartWater and a straw of questionable cleanliness.  The one behind you in the checkout line at Target letting her baby gnaw on a carton of Mint Milanos, because she left the teething rings in the back seat. 

A few weeks ago, I needed to make a major grocery run.  I grabbed L, my list, and the diaper bag and set off, mentally patting myself on the back for remembering both the sippy cup and L's toy de jour.  Hell, I even had some fancy organic Puffs floating around in the bottom of my tote in case of Mini Munchy Emergency.  As I unloaded my kidlet in the parking lot of the market, I caught the unmistakable whiff of something gnarly going on down South.  "Shit, shit, shit. I don't think I restocked my to-go wipes," I cursed as I booked it to the bathroom's changing station.  But, lo!  I had wipes a-plenty.  More than enough, in fact, to clean up the Major Blowout Situation I had on my hands {literally}.  Unfortunately, all the wipes in the world couldn't de-poop-ify L's outfit.  "No bother," I thought, as I dug for the Ziploc bag containing the emergency baby clothes.  "I've got this!"

And I would have... had I thought to swap out backup outfits since L was wearing size 3 month clothing. 

Which is how my child ended up riding around topless in Whole Foods shopping cart, wearing nothing but a diaper and "capri" leggings... with a muslin blanket thrown around her shoulders, cape-style, as we passed through the frozen food section. 

Hey. At least we had refreshments. 

Lauren from The Lucky Laymans

 * I dropped my baby on her head. Ok, not really, but she did fall out of her crib and it was on my watch.  Full story here.  

* I may occasionally toss a pacifier in Elyse's general direction to buy me just a few more minutes of freedom.  Yes, she fetches it like a dog.  No, I do not feel guilty about it.  

* As with most moms, sometimes I tear up just looking at Elyse.  When she's sleeping, nursing, playing, eating, or even when she's crying her head off, I become completely overwhelmed with how much love I have for her and how blessed I am to call her my daughter. 

* On the days I'm at home with her, many times I feel more like a supervisor or a babysitter instead of her mom.  She enjoys playing by herself, reading, or just crawling around on her own so I simply work around the house, watch HGTV, blog, etc...all while "supervising" her of course!  

Catch up on the rest of the New Mommy Confessions series:


  1. These are awesome and hilarious and I keep thinking of more confessions of my own as I read these!

    Kate - My toddler once walked off an airplane wearing nothing but socks, a diaper, and her blanket - cape-style. Lugging her little suitcase. Hilarious and mortifying. It happens to the best of us!

  2. Kate- hilarious! And thanks for the reminder, I need to update the backup outfit myself.

  3. Hahaha! NOthing like a RIDICULOUS blow out to make your day! ;)

  4. Love this judge free zone!! Nice to know I'm not the only Momma in the world who has moments (or days) like this!

  5. I just love, love this! I especially love it because I read all of these bloggers so it's an extra little glimpse into their day. Hysterical!

  6. ok so I was totally reading this during a law school class (juvenile law of all things...) and got totally busted! I burst out laughing at the store of the topless baby in Whole Foods!

  7. I just found your blog and I must say this is the first post I read and it made me feel better about some of the mommy things I have done since my little one joined us in July.
    I am definitely a new follower

  8. what a great series! I'm not a mom yet, but it's comforting to hear real stories so I know that I won't be expected to be perfect when I get there :)

  9. Omgosh, hilarious. I respect these mama's a million times more for their awesomeness. Best post ever.

  10. Oh my I LOVE this! Visiting from Hello Happiness.

    Definitely have some of my own New Mommy confessions, although I'm not sure I'm willing to share them! Hehehe

  11. I love this! New mom here. I have a five week old. If I get her to burp I squeal and ooh and ah at what a great burp it was. This is what being a mom is? Sheesh.


  12. I LOVE this - I am an expecting mama and so glad I found your blog :)

  13. OK, I am loving this series! I will fully admit to being a paci mom and I am not ashamed. Hell, it's called a pacifier for a reason, right?

  14. Love all these! Too stinkin funny!

  15. Baha! I LOVE THIS! Nine months into being a mommy and I still wonder what the hell I'm doing