Running from the Law: Happy First Birthday, Baby Mac

Monday, May 20, 2013

Happy First Birthday, Baby Mac

Dear Baby Mac,

Today you turn one year old.  Happy birthday, my love.  I can't believe it's been a whole year since you came into this world and turned our lives upside down.  From the moment we saw you, we were already so madly in love with you.  How could we not be, you were tiny and pink and absolutely perfection.  You cried loudly when you came out, which I think pierced a giant hole in my heart and allowed your voice to enter and live there.  From that moment on, I knew you, even before I saw your beautiful face, your giant feet and those LONG legs.  How you ever fit inside me still blows my mind.


 Those first few days (and weeks) with you were rough.  I'm not going to lie.  I cried a lot.  I struggled with being patient.  I lost my temper a few times.  I was so worried about every little thing and was just trying desperately to be the best mama I possible could.  I still worry about everything.  I don't think it's something that I'm going to be able to change anytime soon.  I'm a mama - worrying is how I show love.  You weren't an "easy" baby.  But you also weren't the worst baby in the world, by any means.  You challenged us.  You continue to do so daily.  I like that.  The pediatrician called you "spirited."  I like that too.


As the days slipped by we got to know each other better and better.  I learned to anticipate your needs.  You learned how to let me know what you needed.  I learned your language. You started learning mine.  By the time maternity leave was over, I finally felt like I just might be getting the hang of this whole "mommy" thing.  Leaving you that first day back to work was one of the hardest things I've ever done.  But little one, I know that you know just how much you're loved and that my career is important to me.  Definitely not more important than you, but it's a way for me to be a role model for you, and that's very important.  I want you to grow up knowing that women can do anything men can do and I want you to be proud of me.  I think going back to work has made me a better mother to you.  It's forced me to be more present in your life when I am with you. I truly look forward to every minute we get to spend together and try to appreciate every moment - even the rough, middle of the night, crying ones.


This year has just been amazing.  I get up every day and look forward to what you're going to do next.  I can't get enough of the tiny little person with the big personality that I've come to know.  I will say, you are SO much like me sometimes, it's scary.  When I found out we were having a boy, I guess I automatically assumed that you'd be just like your dad.  And maybe you will be.  But right now, you are so...ME.  You have my impatience and demanding attitude.  You pout like me.  You get angry and frustrated like me.  You want what you want and that's ALL you want.  But you're also determined and relentless like me.  You never give up.  I think that will serve you well in the future.  You like doing things on your own and don't want help, just like me.  You're also smart as a whip, which I like to think comes from me, but is probably just as much from your daddy.    


I can't believe how much can change in a year.  You're no longer a lump of baby, you're a little man.  You walk and talk and eat steak with your four little teeth.  You chase the dogs and give them treats (you're very generous with your food).  You love other kids and babies.  You dance to music, which is a funny combination of bouncing and gyrating your hips.  It's wonderful.  You smile at everyone.  You laugh with your whole body.  You give the best hugs ever.  You're a daddy's boy through and through.  


I feel like I owe you a giant thank you, little man.  Thank you for teaching me how to be a mother.  Thank you for being my own personal experiment in parenting.  We're learning how to do this together, me and you.  We're teaching each other as we go, making up our own rules and defining our own relationship.  It's not always easy, but it's always worth it.  I pray everyday that I have the courage to trust my instincts and the patience to always listen to you.  Being a mom is the hardest thing I've ever done, but it's also the most incredible.  I've learned so much about myself in the last year.  I'm proud of the little person I've raised, but I also know that I have to continue to strive to do better and be a better person.   I know you'll help me with that. 

The concept of birthdays have a whole new meaning now that I've given birth.  Birthdays used to be about the birthday person, but I think there's more to that story.  So on your birthday this year (and in the years to come), I'm not only going to celebrate the day that you were born, but I'm going to celebrate the anniversary of the day we became parents.  The day I became your mama.  The day that everything changed.  The best day of my life.  

Happy birthday, my little Macaroni.  

Love, 
Your mama

31 comments:

  1. Happy birthday Mac!!! Wow, an entire year. Congrats to mama for making it :)

    Your last paragraph got me, it is so true. Today is my birthday too and I was thinking about how now I understand why it's so important to my mom to see/hug/kiss me on my birthday. Having a child has definitely redefined birthdays.

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  2. This is beautiful...happy birthday Mac!

    You are such a beautiful writer!

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  3. Happy birthday little man! What a lovely post. :) Can't believe he's a year!

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  4. Can't believe he is a year old! Time flies!! Cutest, sweetest! Happy Birthday Mac!!!

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  5. I'm crying. I can't believe that a year ago you called to tell me you were in labor--and then I cried the whole day. You are an amazing mother, raising an amazing little boy. I'm so lucky to be part of his life. And yours.

    xoxox
    Crazy Auntie Ally

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  6. Happy Birthday, Mac!!! Holy cow...I cannot believe it! Reading your post has brought tears to my eyes because I can relate on every level. Birthdays aren't just a celebration for the baby, it's a celebration of YOU and how much you've grown and learned and changed - in great ways! Isn't motherhood amazing? Congrats to YOU on making it through the first year. ;) xoxo

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  7. Beautiful! Happy Birthday Mac!

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  8. A year - holy crap! I've loved seeing Mac grow over the year, and you too! I hope his birthday party was wonderful, I'm sure it was...seeing all the time and love you poured into planning and crafting it.
    Happy Birthday Baby Mac! Can I still call him Baby Mac? I hope so. Oh - and Happy Anniversary ;)

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  9. Aww, happy birthday sweet Mac!!

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  10. Happy Happy Birthday Baby Mac!!! Can't believe your 1!

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  11. Happy birthday sweet peanut. You have the best mama!

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  12. So beautiful, I teared up! Happy Birthday Mac!!

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  13. How can this be? A full year old already? Where is the time going?!! I hope it is a wonderful day for both of you. Give that boy some cake!

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  14. I'm tearing up.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the most adorable little boy! (Well, second to mine). :-) And congrats to Mommy - a year is quite a feat!

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  15. Congrats! and Happy birthday to Mac. What a wonderful post!

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  16. This was so sweet, Sara. Happy birthday, Mac!

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  17. I'm going to have to stop reading your posts. Seriously, stop making me cry! :)

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  18. Such a sweet, sweet letter to the birthday boy. Happy 1 year, Mac!

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  19. Sara,
    I really can't believe baby Mac is a year old already!! Congrats on this special, milestone of a day...and cheers to many, many more. So glad you include all of us on these incredible moments in your life!! OXOX

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  20. What a sweetie pie! I can't believe it's been a year. He's grown up so much and has totally stolen many hearts around him! Happy birthday, Mac!

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  21. Such a great post! You're a great mama. I love your outlook on birthdays too.

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  22. Yayyy happy birthday Macadoodle!

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  23. Your last paragraoh describes how I feel too. I almost want to go back in time and thank my mama for birthing me and ask her about her experience.

    Happy First Birthday Mac! Cheers to Spirited babies!

    He is adorable :)

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  24. He sure is one cute lil birthday boy! Wishing Mac A Very Happy First Birthday and Cheers to you for making it a year being a wonderful mama;)

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  25. happy birthday! i love how you write about motherhood--it's so touching. he is an absolute treasure.

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  27. Happy birthday Baby Mac!! Happy 1st year of parenthood mom and dad- you survived and you've done a great job!!

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  28. Absolutely love this!! It brought tears to my eyes reading about how you are celebrating his birthday for both him and you. It's so true!! Happy Birthday Mac!! :)

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  29. Love this. I have a LOT of posts of yours to read but had to come to this one first. Couldnt have said it better myself (and probably won't in a few more days). Nice work, lady. And congrats on surviving the first year.

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  30. Happy Belated Birthday sweet Mac! Love this letter to your baby boy! Seriously, the first year flew by didn't it?!!? Insane but toddlerhood has shown to be just as great so far!! I know it will be for you guys too!

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